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My partner and I are pregnant with our third child. We have 2 daughters and so far we have been successful at compromising on our children’s names (take turns with who picks, adjust spelling etc)
My partner is in a position where he doesn’t want to discuss any baby names, and this is really difficult for me as I try make suggestions and he knocks them all back. This child wasn’t planned, but we agreed to go on this journey. I’m in a high risk category so it’s hard for me to feel excited and with the lack of excitement from my partner I feel myself struggling to connect. He is resistant to any support as “nothing is wrong”.
Has anyone been through this? I’d love some help!


Posted anonymously, 12th February 2021


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  • I think the best thing for you is to be upfront with him and discuss how his actions are affecting you.
    Being pregnant is stressful, especially when you are considered high risk. He needs to understand the importance of everything going on with you and this pregnancy and how his negativity is having an impact on you. Unplanned doesn’t always mean unwanted, but he might still be in shock or stress of his own to try and change your lives around, physically mentally and financially. You might need to give each other a bit of time (if you have time before baby is born). It’ll be best to pick babies name when you’re both in the right mind frame, that way you wont have any regrets.


  • Oh wow, sorry that you are having these problems. Pregnancy is such a beautiful journey, for you both, and the children. I’ve not experienced what you are going through, regarding babies name/s. I hope all goes well for you.


  • I can relate – pregnant with my third, we don’t know the gender and we have two girls (and used the names we really love). It sounds like he is possibly not coping or not getting too excited for the impending birth given the risk factors? Maybe ask him when a good time would be to discuss how he feels able the pregnancy and address any concerns then. Nameberry is a good website for names, you can type in your other children’s names and it will give similar suggestions.


  • We had a baby name book and played a game where you just had to randomly open it and pick a name off the page. We did it 1-2 a night and it made it less of a chore.


  • Gosh it sounds a little difficult for you at the moment, and I can’t help feeling that your husband is being a little selfish considering you are the one in a high risk pregnancy. I do hope he comes around and starts giving you more support, but regardless I think you should enjoy this pregnancy and take good care of yourself and your unborn baby. Choose a couple of names that you like and when the baby is born maybe it will be easier to decide. I know that when I was pregnant we had decided on a particular name, but changed our minds once the baby was born because we felt the new name was more suitable. All the best.


  • Ooo I just got ya both to download an app called baby name and it’s like tinder where you swipe one way if you like and swipe the other if you don’t. It tells you your matches so you have a list at the end to discuss


  • That’s hard, sounds like he’s also struggling to deal in general so he’s avoiding it. I would probably make a time to have a chat with him about how hard it is for you and how you also realise how hard it is for him. That you both need each other’s support and comfort. As you tell him what your needs are, ask him also what it is he needs from you. Then come to some sort or agreement, good luck


  • Could you make a longish list of maybe 5+ names and see if he’d choose off that, and let him know that there’s no rush or pressure for him to choose, or could you see if he’s happy with you coming up with the name completely on your own?


  • I would be Stern and let him know you are feeling like he isn’t whole heartly in the moment. I would also make your own list of names and ask him to help you pick. Maybe make the list like 3 names so it’s not over whelming.


  • I used to post a list of names I was thinking about on the fridge, I would say nothing about it. After a week or two my hubby would then start discussing my list of baby names.


  • Just go with it…..dont discuss it and see what happens.


  • We have always chosen names that have meaning behind them. So we each make a list of names that we really like and search the meanings. We then short list the names with a strong meaning and go from there. It’s important that you both decide on one you like together.


  • That’s frustrating I feel for you. Confide in those close to you for support when you need


  • My ex husband didn’t pay any attention to picking a name the only thing he said was they don’t need a middle name as never used it, so I picked all my children’s names as I found it easier just having to pick the one name that I liked. But if your wanting your husband involved and he doesn’t want to I wouldn’t worry about it as easier than arguing over names as sometimes they want a parents name for them.


  • This would be very frustrating, and I guess I’d be trying to find out why he isn’t engaged with this pregnancy – maybe he’s worried about finances or the risk factors. I would hope that by talking about any anxieties he may be feeling, you can both reassure each other that as long as you work together your family will be okay. All the best.


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