23 Answers

2014 was a year where i have had alot of broken heart. My boyfriend and I have been together for over 3 years and had planned to marry as soon as we get the budget. Last year we started to fight for no reason. Stress from our family & work makes us fight. He started to drink. He promised he will control his drinking habit but still today hasn’t changed.

He went back to his home town for Christmas, he came back with an engagement ring for me. After 4 days we got into a fight over his drinking. He told me he will not marry me. What should i do? Is it time to walk away? How do we know when the person is the right one? Could he have said this because of anger. I’m lost. I have no one to talk about my feelings :(

Posted anonymously, 27th January 2015

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  • It’s such a difficult decision to make. But sometimes, no matter how much we want it, it’s just not the best thing for us or the people around us. Good luck

  • I would walk away. If he’s not willing to change something to better your situation then marrying him is not going to change that

  • That my darling is a question only you can answer.
    Obviously his drinking is a big problem. You need to decide do you really think he can stop? & if he can’t, are you prepared to deal with it?
    & most importantly, the way things are now, do you really want to marry him?
    You don’t need advice from anyone, you just need to sit back & have a long think about what is best for YOU.
    Only you can decide wether this relationship is worth trying to save & if its even saveable.
    Don’t rush it, take your time & make your decision wisely.
    You know deep in your heart what the right thing to do is.
    I wish you all the best.

  • Gosh, that’s a tough question to answer. Each person is different. We all have different breaking points. His drinking would be making your problems worse. I really don’t have an answer though, only you know when

  • No one can answer that question for you unfortunately. My ex and I were about to break up when I found out I was pregnant with my almost 6 year old. We tried to make it work but we fought all the time and it became a very volatile (and unfortunately domestically abusive) relationship. At 19 years old with a 6 month old I chose to leave because it was the best thing for myself and son and his father. I moved home with mum, my son and his father have always had a good relationship and because we were no longer fighting there was absolutely no influence from me. Payments I sent through child support Australia as he wasn’t paying me properly if at all and we started to argue about that and since then we have no had a single argument in 5 years. He moved back with his mum and got a new partner and cleaned up his life (got a house, stable job, quit drinking, got rid of the idiot ‘mates’) and I just married my partner of 4.5 years in December and are about to celebrate our second sons (first together obviously but he loves and adores my eldest) 1st birthday. I know for us it was honestly the best thing and once I realised I could do it on my own and that I deserved the best it made it so much easier to find my true love and soul mate. I hope my story helps you and please know that there is always someone to talk to and asking for help is actually something to be proud of. there is absolutely nothing wrong with getting help to leave a horrible situation

  • cut your losses, it is emotional abuse, a lifetime is a long time, we do get emotional when it comes to getting married and committed to one person but realistically if things are not working now, they will not get better, u could get counselling but if both people are not happy it is not worth the trauma, I have been through a bad marriage that should never have happened, but get counselling from someone who is realistic and if you are not both happy then separate on good terms and move on. life is to short for regrets.

  • Only your heart can give you the right answer Goodluck

  • Walk away and see if he chases. Some will laugh, but ‘he is just not into you’ has a lot of sensible advice.

  • if there is doubt in your heart, then maybe it’s not the right time or the right person.. Talk to friends and family.

  • The very first advice by CAIRNSBLISS was great and further comments are spot on as well. If you are not ready to walk away, please seek some from of counselling soon (like BUGGERITLIZ suggested The Salvation Army is a great start.
    Wishing you strength and much happiness.

  • You will know in your heart what the right decision is,always go with your instincts.Best of luck.

  • When you love someone its so very hard to walk away, I fight and fight and fight with my partner but just cant seem to walk away although im so very close I think you will no when you have had enough not when someone else tells you its time to go.

  • I feel like if you have to ask then he is not right for you xx

  • I think only you can answer this question. Its all in the heart what does it tell you? Maybe write a pro and cons list of the benefits of if you stay and if you go? Might put things into perspective.. Goodluck..

  • I would not commit until you are sure about how you feel.

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