10 Answers

Have 5 children 12, 11, 10, 7, 4. I have major issues with the second oldest who is 11. He has severe mood swings. Likes to hit, swear etc and no matter what you do for him it isn’t good enough. Says you don’t love him and we are expecting a visit from the Police or DOCS as he runs off and likes to make up lies. Does anyone have any suggestions on what to do?


Posted by mom88194, 14th May 2015


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  • Oh dear, it’s always hard dealing with behavioural issues. First step would be a GP visit, find out if there’s a medical reason for it, and go from there


  • Behaviour issues are never easy, see what the GP thinks first perhaps!


  • He could be jealous of the fact that you naturally have to give more attention to your 4 old because at that age they still need help with everyday development stages. He may be feeling neglected and thinks his way of getting attention is do something naughty. I don’t want to be too alarmist but I personally know of 2 children who have later become violent, have threatened or have self-harmed and talked of suicide or wanting somebody to kill them Well past time for seeking professional counselling for your child and possibly some guidance for yourself to assist you in understanding what is your best approach to take. If he does something to the extent that he could get into trouble with the Police, perhaps call them and ask if one of them is prepared to talk to him. It may or may not make him think twice about some of his actions. You could very well have problems with the younger ones copying him too.


  • Sounds like he’s craving attention and doesn’t know how to express himself. Maybe a good idea to take him to a professional or someone he trusts to try and get to the root of his behaviour issues.


  • Have a heart to heart. Let him know that his behaviour is unacceptable in your family and ask him how you guys can work together. Tell him your hopes for him, you hope he can enjoy being part of the family, you hope the younger kids can look up to him… Be specific about what behaviour isn’t ok and give examples of what you would like to see instead. Ask HIM what he thinks is acceptable behaviour and you can do together to help him. Ask him what he wants from you guys as parents too. Tell him you’re giving him an opportunity to be dealt with like a grown up. If he behaves immaturely you’ll treat him like that.Take him out for milkshakes to chat.
    Hopefully it’s a faze, don’t take it personally. You’re doing great with your kids:)
    I agree with others, he may be looking for some time with you guys.


  • I agree with all the given suggestions but maybe it is time to take him to a professional to see if there are any other underlying issues (behavioural/learning etc)


  • ask police officer to take him to the police cells to look around, tell him that telling tales/lies gets you into lots of trouble because you forget what you have said, tell him circumstances that if he does get into trouble that he won’t have a school to go to or be with his family. Get him involved with a sport he likes, boy scouts or boys brigate, police youth group, ask him to write down positive things about himself. All the best


  • I would try and have some one on one time with him and try to talk to him when you can about how he feels and what makes him so what he does. My 10 year old can do the same at times and after talking to him I’ve found its generally when he is tired or overwhelmed about something. If I can’t do anything about the situation I have found that ignoring the behavior also works – he’s not getting the reaction he expected.


  • I think he might need someone else to talk to someone that is a professional reffered to by the doctor. Not because there is anything wrong with him (there is no need for any of your other kids to know about the appointments so he doesnt get picked on). He is going through a change of life or could have issues at school.Talk to his teachers to find out if he is playing up at school. My son has some issues with his behaviour and is getting help we have a appointment once a month to work out ways for us to communicate with him better and deal with his behaviour. It has helped us a great deal to understand what is causing it. He has a health issue which turn out is a genetic condition and one of the many things that go with it is his behaviour. He is a angel at school eager to please but when he gets home where he can relax he just looses it. Turns out it is related to his condition…..Just one of many things that go with it.. But we now have a greater understanding of it and are working with him to give him the tools to cope in life. and not get so angry. One of the things we do is give him some quite time for half a hour with no interuption from the us or other kids in our house to wind down. He watches tv for half a hour in our room by himself. This helps him a lot so he is ready to join in on family things and do home work etc…


  • He sounds like he is lost being in the middle of your brood. Try having a one on one time with him. A half day out or a night activity doing something nice like ten pin bowling.. or rock-wall-climbing and you doing the belaying encouraging him to the top. Boys can be sensitive and feel that they are not been heard. During this time together ask him what sort of things annoy him.. why he gets mad and how we can all work this out. You need your partner to care for the other kids whilst you sort this out. Look at his diet, ask his teacher if there is something at school bothering him. Is he being bullied, does he have friends in the playground? Giving him some time one on one will help him you could alternate who goes with him each week. It could be a walk around the block or to the shops for a milkshake and chips etc… talk to him. Good Luck.


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