Lately my husband won’t visit my family and is borderline rude when they visit but he expects me to do lots for and with his family which I do….. nothing happened to set the change about we used to do a lot with them …. it’s just frustrating and creating a wedge of resentment… suggestions?


Posted anonymously, 21st August 2019


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  • I would suggest trying to get to the bottom of why this situation has arisen. Once you have a cause, it’s easier to find a solution


  • I think if this is upsetting you or causing strain on your relationship you need to sit down and talk about it.


  • You need to find out what’s changed. There needs to be equal time with your families and if it used to be and its changed the reason needs to be found.


  • You need to find out what’s going on. Being cold or rude to your family is not on. Stay calm when you speak with your husband and see if he opens up about what is bothering him. I wish you all the best.


  • There’s often that “impress” “fit in” “prove yourself” to his family. I’ve been there! And yours are….cue the crickets. And I’ve heard others with same thing. I think it’s the “man” the old school “son” and in a lot of cases “sun” haha!
    But seriously it can be distressing, distracting and unfair.
    For a start don’t run yourself ragged proving yourself.
    I was losing my mind and the family got quite intrusive and rude till I snapped.
    You don’t want it to get to that.
    Talking to your husband can fall on deaf ears.
    Just start owning your own goodness and start stating things.
    Like “enough with putting down my family. It hurts” that way your just stating how you feel. Firmly and respect is a two way street. You respect his family they respect you. We have to make a firm stand. It’s 2019! And don’t be available sometimes. Are you doing all the cooking for the family or prep make sure hubbies helping.


  • Have an open conversation with him and let him know the issue that is upsetting you. Hopefully you can both make some sort of compromise and work it out.


  • Definitely talk with him about it, but never in the car whilst driving somewhere. That never works. The best way I have found is just u and your husband go to lunch, say at Maccas even, and after he has nearly finished eating and u are both having a coffee, just say u would like to talk to him about something that is worrying you. It works best if he is sitting opposite u. Being in a public place, means he is not going to walk out or raise his voice etc. Try not to use blaming language like “u never…” Just ask is there a problem regarding your side of the family and say how u miss him not going with u etc. Good luck. I hope it works out for u.


  • I suggest you make sure your children are asleep before discussing the issue in case talking gets one of you upset and start raising your voices too much. Maybe they have different interests and he gets bored. Maybe they all need to have neutral discussions occasionally and vary the topics. You need to find out why and if necessary discuss it with your parents.


  • I suggest you have an honest conversation with your husband… it’s really important. things might turn ugly if its not sorted upfront :( … stay strong.


  • There needs to be a mutual respect and compromise. Perhaps something has happened, you need to communicate and address this issue with him.


  • Definitely have a chat to him about it, he might not even realize he is doing it, or something might have happened that needs to be dealt with. My hubby went like this a few years back, to which I had a serious chat to him about and found out something had gone on. We sorted it with my family and now we are all closer then ever. It is SO HARD to have these chats but so so important. I hope it is sorted soon for you xxx


  • You need to sit down and talk and find out what has happened to cause this turn around. He owes it to you to explain what is going on. It could be health related or it could be a personal issue, but he needs to let you know.


  • I have been in a situation exactly like this before. I don’t know anything about your husband but I suggest you look for changes in mental health i.e depression and/or drug use. This was a major factor in the behaviour of my loved one. It may not be the case in your circumstance but is a possibility.


  • My situation is somewhat similar. I just continue to do things with my side of the family and take my kids. He can stay home on his own if he wants. I have stopped making excuses for him.


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