24 Answers

I have health issues, one under investigation and if I do have it, I may end up unable to walk or use my hand (worst case). The other health issue is mental. All in all, my future looks like a huge struggle but I may just the focusing on the worst. When my partner and I met, I was fit, had a vigorous sex drive, I was outgoing and a little wild. Now I’m in pain 24/7, I have no sex drive whatsoever which is greatly affecting thing in terms of sexual connection. I have mentally stretched myself for my family, and had to give up study as I can’t do my chosen subject as it requires alot of hand work and sitting for prolonged amount of time. I’ve gotten fat, and because of that I snore. I have cystic acne, I may have clear skin for like 10 days of the year. I’m always caring about his feelings, I’d do anything for him, but I don’t feel I get the same back. I cry at night as I’m in pain and he doesn’t ask if I’m OK, or comforts me in any way. I can’t remember the last time he thanked me for anything or complimented me in any way. It’s been years since he’s just spontaneously grabbed me to cuddle. I just joked about one day being in a wheel chair and him pushing me around. His response back was: “You can push your damn self around!” And he wasn’t joking. I look at this man with love as much as I did when I first realised I loved him…. I feel he looks at me with the thought of what the f have I gotten myself stuck with. I really don’t think he loves me, not like I love him. I feel like I’m just an obligation to him. What should I do?

Posted anonymously, 12th October 2020

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  • How is it going now ? One thing I do know that we’re going through stages in our marriage/relationship.

  • Counselling. It’s hard for both of you and you need to get an understanding of how both of you are feeling. It sounds as though you are not communicating. The trouble could be getting him to counselling of course

  • You really do need to sort things out NOW before your medical problems get any worse. If he is not going to be a helpful partner through your problems then he may as well not be around you and you will have to cut your losses before worse things happen. Do hope there isn’t a money basis here too.

  • I feel for you but have you asked your hubby how he feels about the change that’s happened in your lives due to your medical conditions and have you told him how you feel? If you don’t come clean with one another and clear the air, nothing will change for the better. All the best.

  • Be honest with him about how your feeling. I think that that’s the only way, you may get an answer you don’t like but at least you would know… maybe suggest seeing a councillor together to worth through what is bothering him and so you can reconnect?

  • It might be helpful for you to get some marriage counseling, would he be open to that? You’ve both been through a lot of changes and it’s ok to need some help

  • Oh I can fully empathise with you on this one. I have adored my partner since I first laid eyes on him. Yet I’ve always felt he’s never 100% reciprocated. He spends most of his spare time pretending i dont exist or criticising all that i do. Im now so broken

  • If you have a way out, take it now. If you don’t start making a plan to do so. Whilst its not easy to be a carer for someone by any means, its not a job that should be done without love. I wouldn’t trust him to care for you adequately if this is the attitude he’s presenting now, protect yourself and get out as soon as you can. Speak to your healthcare providers and see how you can get the ball rolling. I’m so sorry this is happening to you and wish you all the best.

  • I’m sorry to hear that you’re going through this. I’d suggest talking to a counsellor and getting yourself to a stronger place first. Then sitting down with your partner and talking to him. Most men don’t get subtly. I’ve had to either blow up or sit my husband down to get him to properly listen to my needs or concerns before. It’s not easy, but sometimes it has to be done so you know where you stand. Once you know for sure, then you can take things from there.

  • Sorry to hear you feel this way and I hope you you can get the help you need for your health and mental health. Would he be open to counseling

  • Do whatever makes you happy. You shouldnt be with someone just to be with someone if they are not fulfilling your needs as a human being.

  • I would suggest talking to a counsellor about this.

  • Its a time to talk to him.

  • With your physical and mental health issues you sure have a lot on your plate and I can imagine this impacts your confidence and relationships. I agree with the others it would be good to seek first of all counseling for yourself and see if you can motivate and involve your partner in this as well.

  • I honestly think you may need to go and get some counselling. There may be some issues going on his in brain as well, that the counselling may help with. Sending positive vibes your way.

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