8 Answers

My 8 year old daughter started playing with two girls from her year Y & Z.
Y hits and pushes my daughter. My daughter has told her to stop and that she doesn’t like it. Y says that this is what happens in her family and that Z puts up with it.
My daughter likes Y but obviously doesn’t want this behavior to continue. She said that she will give Y one more chance and if Y hits again, she will not be friends with Y.
Any advice?

Posted anonymously, 30th January 2019

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  • Tell your daughter to stop playing with them as friends do not hurt friends and I also would speak to her teacher so they know what has been happening.

  • Most children go through this stage, ask adults/teachers to keep an eye out so it doesn’t escalate. It should pass.

  • Maybe ask the teachers to keep an eye on it and speak to Y when they see her hitting or pushing? Have you tried to talk to Y’s parents at all?
    I think your daughter is right by giving her another chance and to let Y know that this is the last chance as she won’t tolerate being hurt and maybe that will change things. Good luck!

  • My daughter went through this but didnt tell me and i only found out when i seen the bruises on her. I lost it. Make sure your daughter knows that you will back her up if needed. My daughter was too scared to tell me as she thought she would get the other girl into trouble and it would get worse for her.

  • Definitely talk to her and explain this is not ok. The other child is used to this behaviour in her own home and obviously thinks its ok to do to others. I think giving your daughter confidence to say its not ok and make that choice to unfriend is better for her

  • It’s so hard my son has a friend also that upsets him all the time pushes him around all types of things but if my son retaliates he looks bad but his mum doesn’t see or is blind to what her child does, my child ha sound a new friend at school and his friend that hurts him tells him he’s not aloud to play with him so hard not sure how to handle this as I’m great friends with the family

  • Y is not a friend. Friends do not behave this way. If Z puts up with this, that is up to her.
    Have a look at the big picture here.
    There is abuse in the home of Y this is her normality.
    Z may be too afraid to stand up for herself against being bullied by Y
    Your daughter knows this behaviour is unacceptable and said she is giving Y one more chance, that is very generous of her. Your daughter values herself to not allow this to continue. Bravo to your parenting, that your daughter respects herself and others!
    What I am concerned about is what is happening in the home of Y. Perhaps you might bring this to the attention of the teacher and school guidance officer. Y is doing to others what is being done to her at home and CPS need to be notified. As for little Z, she could do with some encouragement to not allow others to push her around. She needs to learn that she deserves better. Do you know the mother of Z.? The teacher could be asked if she could include some lessons for the class to learn about respecting themselves and others. How to acknowledge that they are all deserving of respect and kindness and how to give respect and kindness to others.

  • Your daughter sounds quite wise. She has communicated that she doesn’t like the behaviour and drawn a line with what she won’t tolerate. It sounds as if she has that friendship and behaviour sorted.

    On the other issue- Y may be suffering from abuse. Is it possible to mention something to her teacher? Is this something that the teacher can sound out? Are there other parents that know Ys parents? Actually I’m thinking that you may need to get some advice on what to do about this. You could always call DHHS / Child protection and ask them what you need to do to ensure that Y is safe.

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