My father was older when we were born and has always been of the opinion that children should be seen and not heard. He believes in spanking, and in general has always had an aggressive attitude, and his way is the only way things should be done. To be honest I think the only reason we continue a relationship with him is out of guilt. His health is failing, as it has been for many years.
Today he informs me he won’t be coming for his weekly visits as he can’t stand my disrespectful, rude, and disgustingly behaved children. We think our children are typical boys! We don’t spank, and other than a little insolence or backchat, they’re great kids.
However he finds them loud, they interrupt, speak back to him when he tells them off for something trivial (ie running in our house etc) and he can’t stand to be around them.
One of our children is on long term steroids for a medical issue and has meltdowns due to the recurrent withdrawals. My father feels my son should be able to control his behaviour and that we should beat him for it.
I’m torn between feeling sad for the grandparent my children have never had, and mad as hell that my own father could be so despicable. He still expects me to go and visit when the children are at school, however I feel like telling him to go jump!!
What would you do?

Posted anonymously, 31st March 2014

Want more real mum questions sent to you?

Ask your question

  • I hope you were able to find a solution with your dad.

  • Sounds weird! Jeepers, I don’t know what to say!!!

  • As someone who also doesn’t like being around disrespectful children, I can relate to your father. I don’t agree with beating them but there is no excuse for back chat or being rude. Teach your children to respect their elders or they will have issues in later life with authority etc. Children should learn manners such as not interrupting when others are speaking etc and it is up to us as parents to teach them this. If you want people to like your children, teach them proper manners and respect

  • That is a hard one and I think you will know in yourself what you want to do. Your sad is no doubt a very important person in your life and that of your children’s but you and your family need to be content. Perhaps if he doesn’t see them As regularly he will work out what he is missing out on

  • This is a tough question to answer.. Just be firm with your Dad and sat you are bringing your kids up your way . I am sure he loves hem. Perhaps he is acting like that toward them as he is feeling a bit guilty about the way he used his parenting skills. At the same time try and get your boys just to be a little quieter and not run around like wild banshees when your dad is visiting. I know hubby and I are older now [ he turns 70 today and I am 68] and no doubt my boys ran around and were noisy when they were younger, but that is typical of boys and girls too. As you get older like us your tolerance level gets a little less towards kids running riot so to speak, and we love our grandchildren to death but feel absolutely bushed when they go home. lol!! But that is the pattern of getting older. We are a trendy young ?? older couple though and have never tried to interfere with the way our grandies are brought up or disciplined. Hubby and I have our opinions but we keep them to ourselves and often have a chuckle over it.

  • Hmmmm, hard one. My dad was the same, thought the same if my children, but he never snacked them nor did he suggest I should. He loved them to death when they were babies, then they got older and the tantrums and defiance began, he started to list interest. Luckily, my partners mum was the complete opposite. What my kids missed out on with my dad, they got hundred fold from my mum in law. Also luckily, we didn’t live in the same state as my dad, so our visits were limited, and still difficult.

  • Wow im not sure how I would feel I had a baby to a man that my mother hates with a passion but she loves the baby and baby sits him takes him to the park look after him if he is sick. Im not sure how any grand parent couldn’t love there grand child I would be so peed off I probably wouldn’t visit him your a package like it or not for your grumpy father.

  • this is a really tough situation that you have been put into. I do honestly believe that only you can be the best parent for your own children. Your Dad has had his go at being a parent and now it’s your turn. yes, you will make mistakes, but hey that’s life. Having said that, I understand personally how you feel, as I struggle with my father in law trying to butt in. I think you need to be firm with your Dad and let him know that he is always welcome and you love him very much, but it’s you that is the parent, and you are trying your best and it would mean so much to you if he supported you and your decisions. Good luck.

  • It’s a tough call, some people lived in a different time but the best you can do is to make your feelings clear.

  • I would ban him from your house problems or not.

  • i would cut him out of your lives!

  • if my parents didn’t like my children, then I wouldn’t like my parents and would not visit unless my kids were with me

  • This is a hard situation to be in. But I think you need to stand your ground. My father is a little bit the same in the sense that he always thinks his way is right. I flatly told him that it’s my child and I teach him the way I want whether he likes it or not.

  • Wow what a tricky situation and I’m not sure there’s really a win-win outcome. I think perhaps the question you need to ask yourself, is will you regret not having visited him (without the children if he truly doesn’t want to see them) once he’s gone? If the answer is yes, then I think you accept the situation for what it is and visit him without the children when you want to. If you don’t think you’ll regret not seeing him and can’t stand to be in his presence, then just explain to him that you aren’t willing to have a relationship with him due to his behaviour.

    Good luck!

  • If you visit him without the children you are letting him get his own way … The problem here isn’t really the children but him acting as a child to get his own way …. Regardless of failing health you still need to stand strong and let him know that parenting is different now from his day and that mistakes were made and you are changing that … Although you do need to teach the children not to interrupt when you are in a conversation. They do have to wait their turn.

Post an answer
Like Facebook page

LIKE MoM on Facebook

What is your answer to that question?
Would you like to include a photo?

No picture uploaded yet
Please wait to see your image preview here before hitting the submit button.

Your MoM account

Lost your password?

Enter your email and a password below to post your answer and join MoM:

↥ Back to top

Thanks For Your Star Rating!

Would you like to add a written rating or just submit?

Write A Rating Just Submit