Hello!

8 Answers

My child’s dad left the house one day, handing out separation papers while the little one was still in day care.

After a lot of back and forth he started paying child support as he earns pretty high compared to me. Now I am the one to handle all the costs for myself and the child.

Long ago when we lived together we used to talk about getting our child in private school so even after he left and refused to sign forms I enrolled the child in private school have been paying all the fees and expenses by myself since then. The father never took interest in getting introduced at school even I did not mention him at school because I wanted no dramas.

Suddenly he realised he wants school pickups and drop offs and got court orders for the same.

All good he still does not want to contribute to school fees, uniform nothing. I have been sustaining all of that.

The first thing he would do after pickup is not return school uniforms, school bags and everything else and since it is a private school it is all pretty expensive (at least for me).

But recently he is reluctant to even arrange a meeting with the school. He does not want to meet the school staff or the teachers face to face, definitely does not want to sign any forms but wants to do pickups and drop offs. I am wondering what is his intention is this any kind of danger coming for myself and the child.

He just expects me to tell the school when is he coming for pickups or drop offs. School is happy that way too of course no one wants to take any responsibility, but I am worried at the end me and my child will be at danger (he is manipulative and has a tendency of black mailing).


Posted anonymously, 14th February 2022


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  • Seems a very strange thing to insist on doing and yet not want input in any other area. I can only suggest legal advice. It seems he wants to be seen doing the right thing, when behind closed doors, he’s nowhere near


  • As others have said I would definitely be getting some sort of legal advise. I’m so sorry you are going through this.


  • I’d follow the suggestions of getting this officially, legally sorted out. But in the mean time, regarding the non-return of school uniforms (assuming you’ve talked to him about it), I think the school should be writing the dad a note that the child needs to be dressed in correct uniform (and presumably the child misses out those days the dad looses it or whatever). Normally they would want to see the parent about this. It might jolt him into realizing that he needs to take some responsibility.. Good luck.


  • You need to get a parenting plan / court order which outlines who picks up the child and when, and also ask that all uniforms ect are to go with the child OR each parent to have their own set & each parent to purchase a set. It will save you heartache in the long run!


  • Go to court and get everything sorted out and on paper. As you have stated he is manipulative and from the sounds of it he gets to pick and choose what suits him without any real responsibility, that is not real parenting. But for peace of mind and to protect yourself and your child, go to court.


  • I’m afraid you need legal advise on this if he hasn’t signed anything then I would say you never went through child support where they work it all out and with regard to the uniforms etc being kept I would be making it that your child changes before they get in the car and also get it done legally so you are protecting your child and yourself, and the blackmail thing I would tell the police what he has already done if you know what he’s already done.


  • I think you should have got a Lawyers advice. You need him to take a 50/50 partnership in the bringing up your child financially or you will drown. Some of your concerns come from fear, fear of what he might be up to. May not be anything so it’s going to be expensive and stressful so lessen the stress and ask for financial assistance. Keep talking to your child and have a good relationship with the Dad it helps if you get along. You have 13 school years ahead of you. You are always best to do all legal stuff through the courts so you know where you stand. It doesn’t need to be nasty just legal. He can be told in writing what’s required drop off and pickups and school uniform standards.


  • What an unpleasant situation ! I would go to court and report there what you report here.


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