24 Answers

My partner and I have been together for 5 years bow and have a beautiful 2 year old boy together. My problem is this, he started a new job in August and works very long hours most of the time 7 days a week a lot of the time also (he does furniture removal) He missed our sons second birthday completely, which I got over, works work and puts food on the table and all that.. But now if he finishes work early he won’t come home and spend time with us, he’ll go our with his friends, and on the rare days he has off he will sleep all day (which im fine with, he works hard) but as soon as he wakes up hes gone again, I’ve tried talking to him and he always says he will stop but he hasn’t, I’m starting to resent him because he has me time and I am stuck in the house 24/7 with a 2 year old.. I dont have many friends that I can see as we have all moved to different cities.. just wondering if this is a phase or if I should leave before it gets worse?

Posted anonymously, 7th January 2014

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  • I think before you leave, you have to tell him that you’re thinking about it, and why. See if that is a wake up call for him.

  • Just saw this post is over a year old – what did you decide? Very disappointing that your partner isn’t coming home when he could. I’d be questioning why he doesn’t want to spend time with his child. Evidently there are problems I the relationship – probably on his side too. Is he hiding behind the work or just doing his best to get aheadfor a bettre life for all of you? Maybe look into a part time job for yourself – nightfill positions and childcare for your little one. You need to take back some control in your own life, be happy with yourself and where you are at. The resentment can only get worse in my opinion, unless you resolve this

  • You really need to sit, talk, say how you feel, make suggestions as to what can help. If nothing changes, another talk where ultimatums are laid down. You can’t keep going as you are, not good for you or the kids

  • You need to make him listen , sit and and tell how you feel, things need to change time together is important otherwise you will grow apart, agree with the previous post join a play group , mainly music to meet other mums

  • i think you need to plan a time to sit down with him,take no excuses from him about it and tell him exactly how your feeling and why.he needs to know how serious about this you are,tell him that there’s times you think of leaving.try to make a date night with all three of you,also i think you should find out if there are any parent groups you could attend to meet some friends for yourself,even go to a playgroup .all the best to you

  • I hear you. My husband has recently started working an hour from home meaning he is gone before 6am before the kids get up and not home until after we’ve had tea most nights. It’s really hard but we talked about it (often and sometime heatedly!) and he is now putting more effort into the time he does get with them and then relaxing after they go to bed rather than wanting to do his own thing when he gets home and on weekends. It’s a tricky balance to maintain.

    I hope you can find a way to explain to him how you feel and what you need from him. In the end though, you need to decide and do what is right for you and you child.

  • hey this sounds very similar to my old situation, my partner worked in hospitality and would always be doing split shifts or very long days, he missed our sons 2nd birthday which was really hard and he would habe to sleep in to from working late nights. since then my partner has changed jobs and things are much better. if I was you sitck at it, I know its very hard sometimes, I don’t have many friends either, but you are doing great :)

  • That’s never easy. he cares about you and your child a lot or he wouldn’t work so hard. but you need attention too. keep trying to talk to him. maybe suggest family outings when you know he is free. good luck.

  • Don’t resent him, thank him for the special time you have with a little two year old, at this age they are so loving and learning so much. He is losing the best years of your little ones life and will not have the stories or memories that you do. He will only ever have his work which is hard and will wear his body down at a young age

  • You really need to talk to him about this. It is okay for him to spend time with his friends, but to spend even less time with you isn’t. Good luck I hope that you both are able to resolve this and get back into a good place.

  • A little note to show you appreciate what he does will work wonders in making him stop and think of you. Sometimes its hard to do this when you feel entitlements of his time. Believe me I did this as my hubby who works very long days too. A moment of cuddles and let him know he is still your No. 1. is important. Then leave a note with a mystery date and day its arranged. I bet he wont be able to resist. Good Luck.

  • You both need to communicate with each other, have some time out for each of you and a family night out. Once a month should be achieveable. if you haven’t already, join a playgroup, craft group so you have a social outlet and can make new friends, from there a movie with other mothers? hope it works out for you.

  • You do need me time to stop resentment to eat you alive.
    He is working to keep you at home to look after his child. Make a date night and have a neighbour
    come watch you child. Go out for dinner, two hours max. You must join a play group and have friends.
    Then you can have them over and go out for picnic’s and walks etc. Fill your life with people. Ask a neighbour
    over for morning tea, cook a cake for them to take home when they leave. Making friends is easy. Just take a walk to the local park and pack lunch and be friendly. Chat to other Mum’s ask where they like to take their kids for outings nearby.. you will be happy if you are busy too. But make dates for the family for outings. Hubby is to tired to do this. Fish and Chips in the local park is fun for everyone and cheap.

  • he needs to make time for you and your son and possibly look at a new career because sometimes time is more important.

  • I don’t really have any advice as far as your relationship goes apart from talking to him again. He may work hard but so do you and you need some time with him and you need some time for you. But don’t let being a mum keep you from going out. Join a play group. Ask around Get together with other mums. I know how it feels to be isolated believe me I have a 2 and 3 year old with developmental delays. Make time for you. My partner was in removal work for a while too and I didn’t get out much it was very depressing.

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