How to handle relatives who don’t respect your wishes whilst caring for your child? – I’d love some feedback please. I called my mother this morning to see if she wouldn’t mind looking after my 11 month old son as I had a migraine, of course she said yes so my husband drove him over to her house on his way to work. And I said that I would pick him up later. I messaged her around midday to see how he was, she said he was fine he had a sleep and now was having lunch. I felt better so I drove over to pick him up at 2. When i got there the first thing she said was ‘tell mummy what nanna did today’ she then told me that she took my son to visit her parents which is a 25-30 min drive away. No one apart from my husband and i have driven him any where. I have told her many times that i don’t like the car seat she has in her car as it is front facing and we use a rear facing car seat as he is quite small for his age and i personally feel that it is safer at his age and weight. I didn’t really say much as i was upset that she taken him out with out my knowledge and that she had not respected my wishes about the car seat. I just cant stop thinking about it and I am getting more and more upset. Am I being over sensitive about this? What should I say to her? I don’t know if I should tell my husband, but I know if his parents had done that I would be furious. Any advise would be greatly appreciated.

Posted by anon, 12/10/13

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  • Maybe over sensitive, but thus is your child’s safety we are talking about here,and honestly I don’t think any request is too over the top when it comes to looking after our kids safety. A good long stern talk is required here


  • You need to nip it in the bud. Talk to them and explain why


  • Just take a breath and try to settle down your thinking. I would just be honest with her after you’ve slept on it. Be nice but assertive. What do you think?


  • No you’re not being over sensitive.
    Your Mum may have had good intentions but she needs to respect your wishes.
    You are Mum & what you say goes, end of story.
    There is no reason why your Mum can’t ring & say “do you mind if I take ??? to visit my parents?”
    Or she could organize it a few days beforehand & borrow your car seat to put your mind at ease.


  • Yes! Just talk to the person about it!


  • If they don’t use the forward seat for other children, and buy them a rear facing seat. Sit down and chat about the importance. Car Seats were very different when your mother was looking after you as a child.


  • You most definitely have to talk about this further and explain your feelings and why you feel this way. Let them know they need to respect your wishes or time spent with their grandchild may gave to be limited to only when you can be present


  • I didn’t like my parents car seat that they had bought to travel with my children so I went out and bought a new one & installed it in their car. I think that unless you specifically tell your parents/inlaws that they can’t leave the house then how are they to know. Your mum was doing you a favour by taking your son at short notice, she may have already had plans to visit her parents that day.


  • it is hard, but if they are in their care, then you need to trust their judgement


  • talking about it will be the best


  • I feel it’s your responsibility to leave everything your mother needs to HELP you look after your child. If you are not happy with her car seat, move your one to her car so she can go out! Your mother is doing you a favour in looking after your child for you, you can’t expect her to halt all plans of her own. If you are unhappy, make sure next time you ask her if she is planning on being at home all day before you send your child over.


  • talk to the person about it


  • How did you go with this? Did u speak to the,?
    I felt the same about my relatives car seat years ago,as it wasnt very secure, but I just had to get over it cos I work and they were spending time with him over him being at day care at the time :S
    i hope it all worked out for the best xo


  • I agree about talking with your husband and the parents


  • Did you end up discussing it with your mum?


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