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18 Answers

My daughter has developed a new friendship at school but the other child is a bit too full on. Other kids at school don’t play with this girl because they say she is “annoying”. From what I can see, I agree with them. I feel horrible saying that! I’ve always taught my daughter to be nice to everyone and treat others how you would like to be treated. I’m happy she’s such a good friend to all but this other kid just drains me. She’s constantly there, all the time. I went to school for a special mother’s day event and we even told the other girl we wanted family time and would be back in a little while. Walked off, turned around, and this girl was there, following us. Then when we stopped she was there, holding onto my child’s arm and really close to her. I found it uncomfortably close.
How would you navigate the friendship between the two? My daughter doesn’t like hurting others feelings so even though she has said it’s too much at times, she doesn’t want to say anything and make the other girl cry. The other girl has mentioned having a play date, which mine is happy with as she’s an only child, but I don’t know about it. I feel like my daughter is losing some of her friendships because this girl is always there and the friends are sick of it.
I know I’m a horrible person! What would you do? Let them navigate it themselves? Encourage it to just be a school friendship?


Posted anonymously, 7th May 2021


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  • Do you know much about the girls family? How things are at home for her? She might be lonely and is trying to cling onto what sounds like the only friend she has. I think this is something your daughter needs to go through and choose what she wants to do about her for herself.


  • Maybe you could gently say something to the child’s parent and take it from there.


  • This is something that you need to leave with your daughter to handle unless she is finding it too difficult to cope with. Maybe see if you can meet her parents and work out the best way to handle the situation. She could be very shy and is scared of losing a friend now that she has finally found one. You could also try to have a quiet word with their teacher and that may give you more insight into the situation and how to handle it.


  • It’s something your daughter needs to figure out on her own. If it’s too much for her I’m sure eventually she’ll find a way to explain her feelings to the other girl. As to your feelings the only way is to just deal with it as best you can. You can’t be the one telling her who she can befriend.


  • There may be more at play with this other girl, from the sounds of things. It might be worth discussing it with the teacher, to understand more and to create some separation time for your daughter. I feel like this poor girl has something else going on. However, go with your gut and with what works for your daughter. You don’t want her excluded or not able to have other friends because of this one girl. Perhaps everyone can be more inclusive.


  • Obviously this little girl is desperate to have a friend, by the sounds of it your daughter is her only friend which is incredibly sad. Don’t break this little girls heart just because you find her “annoying” I would encourage your daughter to do as she wishes, if she wants to be her friend then let her be. If you don’t want the kid at your house let your daughter play at her house or take them to the park or something. I never really seen my friends outside of school so you can just leave it as a school friendship to. Another idea is talk to her parents, see if they would consider an after school activity the girls can do together (scouts or girl guides ect) then neither of you have to “deal with them”


  • Sounds like this child may lack normal social skills perhaps due to ASD or ADHD or maybe just struggles to make friends. Your daughter sounds very kind and could be making a huge impact in this girls life who otherwise would have no Friends. Rather than distance her why don’t you arrange playdates with her and another of your daughters friends. Plan an activity so interaction is a little regulated and it may teach the other girls to be more tolerant and get to know her better.


  • Friendships are quite tricky at all ages and stages. I would highly recommend that you allow your daughter to explore this friendship, and perhaps encourage play dates at your home – whereby you can gently guide the other girl’s behaviour. It sounds like you have instilled great traits within your daughter and you now have a fantastic opportunity to positively impact another child.


  • You are not a horrible person because you have doubts or you don’t like someone. I do think it’s important to respect your own child’s wishes and not control her relationships. If the boundaries aren’t respected, perhaps you can talk to her parents about specific times your child could play with her and times when she needs to be with her family. We’ve all found ourselves feeling emotions we are not proud of but don’t let them get the better of you being a good person.


  • This is something that the children have to sort out for themselves – and they will all get along well in the end


  • This little girl could be lonely and your daughter has shown her some kindness and she just needs someone. Let it go and see what happens.


  • Please don’t do it, that’s so controlling. This is coming from someone who at 8-years-old was also deemed ‘not good enough’ by my best friends parents. Do you know how that feels? It makes you completely doubt yourself. Very very cruel and selfish to make a little one feel that way.


  • Have you ever stopped to think, this little one may have ADHD? Something that is out of her control? Don’t encourage your daughter to unfriend her. She sounds like a wonderful child with a kind and mature outlook on life. You however sound like a judgemental prude. Get over yourself. Your kid is a much better person than you! Yuck ????


  • Have you ever stopped to think, this little one may have ADHD? Something that is out of her control? Don’t encourage your daughter to unfriend her. She sounds like a wonderful child with a kind and mature outlook on life. You however sound like a judgemental prude. Get over yourself. Your kid is a much better person than you! Yuck ????


  • Really. You don’t like this child.

    Yes you are horrible.

    You are at a “special Mother’s Day” event and this child was “stalking” you. No mention of the other child’s parents, let alone mother.

    With the little information you have provided. Sounds like this child needs a friend. Not a disapproving parent in law!!

    Guide the interaction for your own tolerance and maybe this troubled child can grow with the “village” support.

    Stop criticising and start loving!! Your comments reflect on you more that the children!


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