Today I become an Aunty. I have been waiting for this day for years and it should be one of the happiest days of my life – but it’s not. You see, while I sit here writing this, my sister-in-law is giving birth to her 18 week old baby, knowing full well that she will never bring the baby home.

My sister-in-law and brother-in-law have had to make the bravest decision – a decision that no parent should have to make- and that is to terminate their first pregnancy because their precious baby has been diagnosed with Duplications of 4q. This is an extremely rare chromosomal abnormality and will mean the baby will suffer a lifetime of health, developmental, physical and learning problems. I can only imagine how they are feeling. The heartbreak of knowing that finally after 5 IVF attempts the pregnancy they so desperately wanted is ending too soon.

I certainly can’t imagine going through labour knowing the end result will not be a happy one. Just thinking about it triggers my anxiety. My chest tightens and I find it hard to breathe. Closely followed by my feelings of guilt –about my 4 children and how easily they eventually came about, as well as my feelings towards my 6 year old son.

I’m trying hard to put all this aside because I know I am not the only one hurting. My in-laws, who adore their 4 grandsons, were hoping this pregnancy may deliver them a much-wanted grand-daughter. That hope has now gone. My children who have been desperate to have a cousin are sad and confused, and have had to face the harsh realities of life sooner than I had hoped. My darling husband who has been hanging out to be an uncle is devastated. However, it’s my sister-in-law and brother-in-law who are hurting the most. They’re the ones who have had to go through all the IVF procedures, then undergo a barrage of invasive tests and play the waiting game, to find out what was wrong with their baby. They were also the only ones who could decide what to do. The tears they must have shed over this decision, I imagine, would fill an ocean.

However, in my heart-of-hearts, I know that this was the best choice. And even after only 18 weeks they have proven to be great parents – putting their unborn child’s needs before their own wants. I can only hope and pray now that they will find the strength and will try again when the time is right for them and that one day I will get to hold my niece or nephew in my arms and our family circle will be complete.

Postscript: nearly 48 hours after the procedure began my SIL gave birth to a little girl.
RIP Mia Jane, my little angel niece ❤

To find support for yourself or a loved one going through a pregnancy loss I recommend http://www.teddyloveclub.org.au/ for guidance and advice.

Posted by naughty little angel, 9th September 2014

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  • My heart breaks for you and your sister in law :,( Such a terrible thing to have to go through. The death of a child, no matter how old, is such a hard thing to come to terms with. I feel for you all


  • it s a great top story


  • I am so sorry for the loss of your niece. I lost my daughter due to a heart condition. It is such a horrible thing to go through. My thoughts and prayers are with the family.


  • breaks my heart, brave parents , i wish them well for the future and may there dreams of becoming parents again come true. thankyou for sharing xx


  • That’s so incredibly sad. RIP in peace little angel.


  • I can understand your pain as my Daughter has been doing IVF for 6 years and her first born was still born than other fails just after falling than a very early labour and having a baby girl that did not live and now she is pregnant again and is classed as very high risk but so far she was pregnant with twins but lost one at around 4 weeks and the second one is doing so well but she has been on bed rest since July and is on it until at this point November but may be longer. She is trying so hard to make sure nothing goes wrong as she said after 6 years and alot of tries and egg pick ups her body could not go through another round. She has got a 4 year old boy and he is the only one so far.


  • How horrible.. I sat with my mother in hospital for 3 days while she delivered my sister (I was 16 at the time) – and to this day, she has never quite recovered even though she went on to have my baby brother, now 5. It’s a heartbreak that just doesn’t heal. Do your best to just be there for them, sometimes a shoulder to cry on & an ear to listen makes the world of difference.. Sending all my love to your family!


  • Rip little one, i wish your family all the best during this difficult time


  • Oh I am so sorry to read this for your family. What strong parents Mia has, I hope they have success again in the future.


  • Oh my goodness, the emotions that must be coursing through you right now! Of course you have to be there for them, but allow yourself time and space to grieve as well. You and your whole family. I wish you all so much love, and hugs xxoo


  • From personal experience: it is hideous to go through labour knowing you will not have a living child. Give them as much love as you can – they’ll need it.


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