Am I crazy? - Real Mum story on MoM

14 Comments

For years I’ve been an angry person, a depressed person, a life of the party person…When I was a teenager I rebelled…hard, cried lots over boyfriends, self harmed and felt suicidal, screamed at my mother and did the mandatory drop out of school, leave home with a older boyfriend and get some tattoos. I went through the goodgirl, badgirl, stoner, punk, sex crazy phases. I ended up pregnant at 17, and then at 18, married their dad at 20 and had another child at 24. Soon after it all unraveled, my marriage, my sanity, my life. I stopped cleaning my kitchen bench for 3 weeks – for a person with OCD tendencies this was a clear sign to me something was wrong. I sought counseling where i sobbed through every session and felt upset for days after. I went for awhile until I couldn’t take it anymore. A couple more years went by and I left my husband, screamed at my kids, cried all the time, screamed at him and almost wanted to die again…everyday. I stopped talking to my whole family for 18 months and then a year. I went further inside myself trying to hide from all the pain caused to me. I had a physical breakdown that become a mental one that needed antidepressant treatment. . Now I’m weaning myself off them to see if anything has changed. It seems everything is as it was before I took my pills. My husband and I have ‘reunited’ even though he never really left and we are about to go back to our home. He suggests that I might be Bipolar – something many of his friends are. My mum and I have had many discussions over the years where she calls me ‘very sensitive’, ‘very emotional’. My husband agrees. I agree. Little things set me off in a big way and then the big things make me explode. I’m not an easy person to deal with. I’m also negative and critical. Sadly It seems that I have more of these moments than my other personality traits of being able to light up a room, charming and witty. I looked up the Bi polar sites (Something I had done many years ago and discarded it as ‘not me’), now it seems I check all the ‘right’ boxes. If I am I wonder what approach I’d take in regards to my mental health. Ironic that I once worked with people and their mental disorders. I’ve always relied on my brain and my way of thinking to get my through life, it makes me sad, worried and paranoid. What will people think of me? What will I think of myself?

Posted by vidald79, 28th March 2014

14 Comments

- - robyn_smithwick said
  - 30 Nov 2015
    11:44 am
No you are not crazy. But you have taken the first step for yourself by thinking you may be bi polar. It is not a crime but something you may have and cannot help ie it is not your fault but you can be diagnosed and treated thus putting you on the road to feeling better about yourself . If you have a good understanding doctor that will help too!

- - 4littlemunchkins said
  - 28 Oct 2015
    10:08 pm
You aren’t crazy, talk to your doctor, go and get some help. People don’t need to know if you don’t want to tell them.

- - mom113055 said
  - 22 Sep 2015
    3:42 pm
am i crazy

- - mom81879 said
  - 07 Sep 2015
    8:20 am
You don’t have to tell everyone, so stop worrying what people will think. Donegal you think is the right thing, tell those closest to,you what’s going on and hopefully they’ll be there for you. Good luck with your journey, fingers crossed life improves for you all

- - Kell said
  - 11 Jun 2015
    9:01 pm
You are not crazy… talk to your gp.

- - mom113055 said
  - 30 Apr 2015
    2:40 pm
nice story for read

- - mom113055 said
  - 26 Mar 2015
    8:58 pm
great

- - mom93821 said
  - 21 Dec 2014
    4:14 pm
Definitely go and see your GP; they can refer you to other professionals that may be able to assist you with the answers you are seeking. There is nothing wrong with getting support; we all need support at different times in life. Good luck!

- - arcticwynta said
  - 31 Mar 2014
    1:45 pm
you are very strong by the sounds of things. my Son-in-Law has not long been put on bi polar meds and now he seems happier and even talks and jokes now. He started on anti depressants than when that didn’t help him his meds got changed. We are lucky our family GP listens and won’t stop until he can find an answer and the right one. All I can add is if you need medication take it as it helps you find you again. Best of luck to you for your future

- - jodie80 said
  - 31 Mar 2014
    9:41 am
i dont think your crazy i think your normal.

- - hopefullyheidi said
  - 29 Mar 2014
    8:35 pm
You are fine. You are seeking answers to this and that is fantastic. You seem like you would like a definitive diagnosis and whilst I think we all grow through a range of emotions to put this out of your mind with the self doubt thing – maybe asking a dr for a referral to a psychiatrist may help to find an answer once and for all or at
Least give you specialty advice on your weaning regime based on what you are experiencing.

- - yyon4699 said
  - 29 Mar 2014
    8:20 am
Exactyl Cinta… You are right

- - cinta said
  - 29 Mar 2014
    7:52 am
No Your Not Crazy, We All Have Moments, Some Just Worse Then Others, Go See Dr, And See What They Say, Good Luck

- - jodie80 said
  - 28 Mar 2014
    8:00 pm
I feel for you. We all go through our ups and downs it is part of life. But some people feel really down and depressed. Why dont to speak to the dr. ask for anti depressant tablets you might find thats all it takes. and go out and have some fun enjoy life..