This isn’t a very happy story, and it might upset lots of people, then again they’re may end up being lots of people who can relate to it. It’s Fathers Day tomorrow however and this has set me thinking….
I know my mum and dad loved me and they did their best for us growing up. There never was a lot of money or possessions, but we always had what we needed. We weren’t abused or neglected. Mum and dad come from the generation of “Children should be seen and not heard!” So we didn’t have a lot of affection or one on one time with them.
I have no memories of family board games, picnics in the park, lazy days of beach cricket. I never heard the words “I love you” from either of them.
To make things even worse, dad was an army veteran who suffered from PTSD, which wasn’t diagnosed until his 70s. Mostly undiagnosed because dad refused to see he had a problem, it was always someone else with the problem, which made things hard for us kids growing up.
He physically, verbally and mentally abused mum, she never left him. She nursed him through years of emphysema, no bitterness at all on her behalf. She was relieved when he died though and she’s been living get life to the fullest since. Mum never stood up or said anything against dad, even when he was wrong, even when she could see how it affected us. She was too scared. Even now, 6 years after dads death, she can’t express an opinion. It changes all the time because she wasn’t allowed to have her own opinion with dad.
So we grew up with a slightly warped view of relationships and parenthood. But instead of turning into my parents, I did everything I could to be the polar opposite. My partner isn’t the head of the house, we share that,ball decisions made by both of us. There’s no abuse of any kind. I spend hours playing with my children, talking and spending time with them, just enjoying having them around. I tell them I love them every day, more than once most days. I kiss and cuddle them. I make sure they know they’re safe, loved, protected, adored, they are my universe.
It’s kind of sad that I had to grow up the way I did so my children can grow up as they are. But I guess it’s good in a way too.
My dad was overly strict, controlling, moody, lacking the ability to show love. He was hard on us. I remember running home from school one day with my spelling test. 99 out of a 100, I was so excited, couldn’t wait to show dad. His response “What happened to that one? The one you got wrong? How much better would it have been to get that one right and have 100/100? Maybe next time, you’ll try harder.” I was crushed. While I miss my dad, especially on days like Fathers Day and his birthday, I am also glad he is gone.
My life is much more relaxed, carefree and easy without his constant over the shoulder criticism. Am I wrong yo feel this way? Apparently I’m a ‘victim’ of dads PTSD, we all are, but that doesn’t change things…..knowing that. All I can think is if he really loved us, he would have acknowledged his problems years ago and tried to fix it. Then he might have given us the lives we deserved. He didn’t set a good example of life, how to treat a woman, how to life your kids.
Yes, I am glad he is gone, sad but true

Posted by mom81879, 5th September 2015

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  • Thank you do much for sharing your story, that is so very touching indeed!


  • PTSD impacts on the whole family and I hope that everyone is getting ongoing support from support groups and again good on you for creating a different life for you and your family.


  • Thank you do much for sharing your story. Be very proud you have changed things and made things great with your family


  • Wow, that was very touching. Thank you for sharing. I am sorry you had that life growing up, but good on you for changing it and giving your kids a good and loving life.


  • Very touching story thanks for sharing


  • you have turned the tables and are giving your kids the best life you can by doing everything you can to let them know they are loved every day. Its sad that so may diggers returned from the war changed men with PTSD. But how times have changed where we as mums can have a opinion as well. . I hope you and your hubby have a great Fathers day tommorow kowing you have done all you can for your kids.


  • I watched an Uncle with PTSD abuse his family & every Christmas they would come & stay with our family. I was scared of him & tried to keep my distance but I was reminded that his behaviour was due to him suffering at war. My 2 cousins feared his every move & even when he was dying he belittled them. Thankfully they managed to be the opposite with their own kids just like you. Life is so precious & we all should tell our kids we love them every single day. Well Done Mom 81879.


  • Congrats on living a different life and for recognising how to be a good parent. Acknowledging your feelings is a good thing and moving forward is positive. Wishing you the best.


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