This isn’t a very happy story, and it might upset lots of people, then again they’re may end up being lots of people who can relate to it. It’s Fathers Day tomorrow however and this has set me thinking….
I know my mum and dad loved me and they did their best for us growing up. There never was a lot of money or possessions, but we always had what we needed. We weren’t abused or neglected. Mum and dad come from the generation of “Children should be seen and not heard!” So we didn’t have a lot of affection or one on one time with them.
I have no memories of family board games, picnics in the park, lazy days of beach cricket. I never heard the words “I love you” from either of them.
To make things even worse, dad was an army veteran who suffered from PTSD, which wasn’t diagnosed until his 70s. Mostly undiagnosed because dad refused to see he had a problem, it was always someone else with the problem, which made things hard for us kids growing up.
He physically, verbally and mentally abused mum, she never left him. She nursed him through years of emphysema, no bitterness at all on her behalf. She was relieved when he died though and she’s been living get life to the fullest since. Mum never stood up or said anything against dad, even when he was wrong, even when she could see how it affected us. She was too scared. Even now, 6 years after dads death, she can’t express an opinion. It changes all the time because she wasn’t allowed to have her own opinion with dad.
So we grew up with a slightly warped view of relationships and parenthood. But instead of turning into my parents, I did everything I could to be the polar opposite. My partner isn’t the head of the house, we share that,ball decisions made by both of us. There’s no abuse of any kind. I spend hours playing with my children, talking and spending time with them, just enjoying having them around. I tell them I love them every day, more than once most days. I kiss and cuddle them. I make sure they know they’re safe, loved, protected, adored, they are my universe.
It’s kind of sad that I had to grow up the way I did so my children can grow up as they are. But I guess it’s good in a way too.
My dad was overly strict, controlling, moody, lacking the ability to show love. He was hard on us. I remember running home from school one day with my spelling test. 99 out of a 100, I was so excited, couldn’t wait to show dad. His response “What happened to that one? The one you got wrong? How much better would it have been to get that one right and have 100/100? Maybe next time, you’ll try harder.” I was crushed. While I miss my dad, especially on days like Fathers Day and his birthday, I am also glad he is gone.
My life is much more relaxed, carefree and easy without his constant over the shoulder criticism. Am I wrong yo feel this way? Apparently I’m a ‘victim’ of dads PTSD, we all are, but that doesn’t change things…..knowing that. All I can think is if he really loved us, he would have acknowledged his problems years ago and tried to fix it. Then he might have given us the lives we deserved. He didn’t set a good example of life, how to treat a woman, how to life your kids.
Yes, I am glad he is gone, sad but true
Posted by mom81879, 5th September 2015