Confusion over my sister - Real Mum story on MoM

10 Comments

My sister is 18 mths younger than me. I’m 46. She has a lovely family (husband & 2 boys aged 12 yrs & 6 yrs). She is part owner in a Hairdressing Salon in a well to do area of Adelaide & lives in a nearby suburb. I’m getting used to the fact neither myself or my family (hubby & 2 children aged 19 & 13) have never been invited to my nephews’ birthdays or their parties & that she will spend time & Christmas with her husband’s sister & her 3 daughters & that I’m not Friends on either her or her husbands Facebook while his sister, his sister’s dog & nieces are. I was angry when during the recent School Holidays I found out (through her work) that she & her family hasd gone to NY. Our dad is a widower in frail health & if a decision had to be made in a hurry about him I don’t know what I’d do (as it happened dad ended up going to hospital unexpectedly for a week) but yesterday something happened that has really upset me (though husband says I should be used to her & her ways by now) last week was my daughter’s 13th Birthday. She had 2 parties. 1 for kids & another the following Saturday for adults at a Cafe opposite where my sister works in the late anoon. My sister & her family didn’t attend either (not even to duck out of work to wish her a Happy Birthday & go back to work). Yesterday, I visited my dad (he lives 3 blocks from me) & was given by him a present for my daughter from my sister (why she couldn’t drop it to our house I don’t know) when my daughter opened the card she asked who the present was from because the card had been signed Love The xxxx (their surname). This has really upset me with Christmas approaching I don’t know what to do as I love her & her family very much & I don’t want my nephews missing out or knowing how much we love them.

Posted by bronnyc, 5th November 2015

10 Comments

- - RA1234756 said
  - 18 Apr 2023
    4:25 pm
We have the same situation – my sister in law visits her family, but never makes an effort with ours, especially our single mother who they use to babysit needs help.

- - june11 said
  - 07 Aug 2016
    8:55 pm
When your sister went away did your dad have contact details in case of an emergency such as an itenary listing accomodation and details of contacts in case of a really serious emergency. You could try asking them if they would like to have a late Christmas gathering with you on Boxing Day or another day that suits them. Everything probably revolves around their business.

- - mom162079 said
  - 21 Jan 2016
    1:05 pm
That is heartbreaking because you love them but they don’t seem to love you back.
Regarding your father, maybe you can try to set out plans or proposals for if/when decisions have to be made for him. Get your sister to agree/disagree with these somehow in writing. Once done, you’ll be relieved that decisions have already been made and you won’t have to consult her.

- - mom94125 said
  - 29 Dec 2015
    2:15 pm
it is a shame that families are not as close as they were or should be. hopefully you are able to reconcilate things

- - robyn_smithwick said
  - 10 Nov 2015
    7:51 pm
That is a shame. Perhaps you could send her a nice thank you card and suggest getting together.

- - mom90758 said
  - 06 Nov 2015
    6:51 pm
But the fact that she sent a gift, couldn’t it mean that maybe now she’s ready for more closeness? Did she ever give a gift to your kids before? Did you invite her to the party?

I think I’d take the gift as a “sign” and phone her to thank her and invite her for a drink so you can have some calm time together. Maybe she feels bad too about this situation but she doesn’t know how to handle it.

- - mom81879 said
  - 06 Nov 2015
    10:49 am
It looks like there’s not much you can do. It seems your sister has made the decision for you. It appears she doesn’t want you or your family involved with their life

- - mom93821 said
  - 06 Nov 2015
    5:22 am
Would sitting down with your sister and calmly talking it through help? Maybe meet for coffee somewhere neutral for a chat and let her know how you feel? If not, the only thing you can do is move forward with your own life and your own family.

- - mom165081 said
  - 06 Nov 2015
    12:15 am
How horrible for you. I have a feeling that your husband is tight. Sometimes we just have to live our own lives. Good luck.
- mom165081 replied
  
  06 Nov 2015 , 4:21 pm
  Sorry, I meant to say your husband is right! bad typo on my part – sorry!