death in the family. - Real Mum story on MoM

OK, sorry I need to vent.

My mother in law passed away last week. She was close to all her kids and to my 4 year old. It was a sudden unexpected tragedy in which none of us wish happened. She was an amazing mother, nanny and mother in law.

My son was the last one to spend time with her, and he asked for more time a day or so after it happened. So I printed off a couple of pictures of her and told him to talk to the pictures and she will hear him.

He does it everynight while crying and keeps the picture next to his bed.

I feel helpless, I told him to do it but I dont know what else I can do to help..

I tell him she loves him and hears him and will always look over him, and that mommys here for cuddles and can talk to her with him.. but sometimes he turns his back to me and just wants to cry alone. thats where i feel especially helpless..

any suggestions as to what else i can do to help him cope?

Posted by fibear, 11th November 2013

12 Comments

- - june11 said
  - 25 Jul 2016
    9:28 pm
Maybe you son would benefit from talking to a grief counsellor or a child pshycologist.

- - mom113055 said
  - 20 Mar 2015
    5:43 pm
sorry for our lost hun,i totally understand it s very hard,the only thing that you can do is give it time,time recovers everything

- - pakeko said
  - 21 Feb 2015
    8:22 pm
Keep being there for him, if he looks/sounds like he is not copping I would highly recommend looking into a play therapist (age depending) that deals with grief.

- - mom57522 said
  - 09 Jan 2015
    10:37 am
Just keep being there for him.

- - katelt said
  - 31 May 2014
    5:04 pm
Give him time. There is not much else you can do, other than be there for cuddles and a talk when he needs to. Everyone deals with grief their own way. I really feel for you – I dread the day I have to help my little one cope with a loss.

- - aussiemum said
  - 06 Apr 2014
    1:13 pm
I don’t know why, but this post made me really cry. I worry about the same thing happening with my own mother. I love the idea of your own little ceremony together to say goodbye in his own way.

- - mle00 said
  - 17 Nov 2013
    8:32 pm
I personally am not a religious person but in situations such as this I can see how the spiritual heaven explanation would help little ones. Maybe you could do a little farewell/goodbye ceremony to generate some closure for him, let him know she has gone away and some people believe you all will meet again one day a long time from now? I hope you find your solution, children love so deeply.

- - chezj said
  - 15 Nov 2013
    2:50 am
All fantastic ideas – hope they help your son. My daughter lost her Dad to cancer 2 years ago and she decided that a star in the night sky was a way to say goodnight to Daddy and the star is looking down on her, so Daddy is watching over her. That might help? Give your son a big hug. xox

- - fibear said
  - 12 Nov 2013
    10:06 pm
thank you, they are amazing ideas!

- - sanjipanj said
  - 12 Nov 2013
    12:31 pm
The feeling of helplessness is a terrible thing, I am experiencing it myself, I wrote a story called my man has moya moya so I am feeling very helpless. He will need time, he will come round, don’t take anything personal. Listen, be supportive but he will need to be able to move on as he has a family. I hope things start to I prove for you

- - azmaz said
  - 12 Nov 2013
    8:49 am
a scrap book is a wonderful idea, such a treasured keepsake

- - kelso said
  - 11 Nov 2013
    1:27 pm
Ask him if he would like to make a scrape book of their favourite memories they shared together. Get him to draw pictures and write little notes. Maybe everyday you could light I candle for her. Make something nice to go into the garden a memorial for her