I went from having a low risk pregnancy to a high risk pregnancy from my second to third trimester. I haven’t announced my pregnancy and now, with what I know I’m relieved there are no ultrasound images of my baby or pregnancy shots of me looking elated in a whimsical location like so many of my friends had when they were pregnant. I know now, I can’t announce my baby’s arrival until I know the baby is in the clear. My baby could be in hospital for weeks because of a condition that developed in the third trimester. I went from normal and happy to anxious and upset in a matter of days. I am now waiting for the baby’s delivery, then it’s a waiting game to ensure the baby is okay. It seems unfair that my baby will be given such a rough start in life because my body has failed me and ultimately the baby.
I feel sick thinking about it, yet, I don’t wish to place further strain on my body and put my baby at greater risk. The only thing I can do now is get rest and wait. Waiting seems the hardest part though, the doctors aren’t willing to perform an emergency c section unless further complications arise but I worry. What if more complications do arise and it’s too late. I now place my hand on my belly, feeling my baby kick away, I can feel the baby moving inside me and this keeps me sane. Every movement I feel is comforting, as I know for now the baby is okay, still struggling and better out of my body. But, for now okay.
I am anxiously waiting for the baby’s arrival, I want to feel excited again, like expecting mums. I want to let my friends know, I’m pregnant and I love my baby but I’m worried. If the baby doesn’t make it, what then do I say. I’m holding off on the announcement, waiting for this child. And, I think of the “ifs” what if the baby doesn’t make it? What do I tell everyone? Should I tell anyone apart from close friends? I try not to slip into further despair. The baby is still kicking, I just have to wait. Think positive and wait.
Posted anonymously, 24th May 2015