I am totally confused, what should I do?

4 Comments

I have 5 beautiful children, 7 gorgeous grandchildren, even though 2 of those 5 children are my step-daughters, I still love them as if they are my own.

I have given birth to 1 girl and 2 boys and all these years, I was always looking forward to seeing my daughter walk down the aisle in a beautiful gown, with the love of her life.
Well, it didn’t work that way. A couple of years ago, our daughter announced that she was Gay. I asked if she was happy, she said yet, and hat was fine, all we want for our children is that they are happy.

She left her job, stopped calling, moved from one state to another, really stopped calling her nanna, her mum and she used to call me every day, and she seem to have changed. That was ok, because she was happy. Then she started putting on a great deal of weight, started wearing peaked caps, getting her beautiful blonde hair shaved on the sides, but that was ok, she was happy.

Then she started getting big tattoo’s. She had a couple of little ones, but it was huge, this new one was, and when she sent me a photo of her and her girlfriend I could hardly recognise my beautiful daughter. I had lost her, she said this was her and If I didn’t like it, too bad. She wouldn’t talk to me for ages.

We had been planning an overseas trip for around 18 months when she announced she was getting married to her girlfriend just before we were due to go away. This made it so difficult to afford to go to her ‘Wedding’ as it wasn’t legally a wedding, only a ‘confirmation ceremony’. I suggested she wait a bit longer as it won’t be long before it would be made legal in Australia to get married. Well, then I was the worst mother ever, I was abused, and told she didn’t want us there anyhow.

I was devastated, I asked for an apology as I didn’t deserve to be abused. She wouldn’t, said there was no need to.

Anyway, some of the family went but her brothers were not asked to be a part of the ‘wedding’, I was never asked to do anything to help, and I would have even though I lived quite a distance away. It would have cost us over $1500 to get there, as pensioners we had taken almost 2 years to save the money for our holiday to America that I won, but had to pay for flights. So the wedding was last weekend, I am hurting so much. I love my daughter so very much. I feel awful that we couldn’t be there. She said she understood, but It has hurt me so much.

I am confused, shed quite a few tears, we sent a lovely gift, which they loved. There was just no way possible that we could have gone, so now, what do I do…

I miss my daughter, and feel like I have another son. I definitely do not have any concerns that she is gay, it doesn’t come into it, she just seems to have lost her identity. PLEASE HELP!!!

Posted anonymously, 25th August 2015

4 Comments

- - mum888 said
  - 03 Jan 2016
    8:45 am
This is such a good story as I have a 19 year old daughter and waiting for the day when she will totally change and don’t need us anymore , but she is too comfortable at home . When you love your kids a lot , it is hard to accept when they change their identiies and do the ” runner ” on you but in your case , I think your daughter just want to be ” different ” and don’t want to have in her eyes a “boring ” life so she decided to be the total opposite. It is true not everyone can afford to fly o/seas for any wedding and I would be the same but there are ways to amend that loss and if you cant do it ask her to make an effort to see you soon and talk about how the wedding went that day and then have a special dinner for a “post wedding ” day . Anything is possible , but you haven’t lost your daughter at all, she just became a “new ” person .

- - dee lindsay said
  - 28 Aug 2015
    11:54 am
Thank you ladies for your lovely comments. Unfortunately my daughter lives the other end of the Country, last time she came and stayed it was aweful. We had nothing against her partner, absolutely nothing, but our daughter used that for an excuse to leave early.

Also, we are smokers, and our daughter used to be a smoker. We would go to the bedroom and shut our door to smoke. The next day, our daughter said that the smoking gave them a headache, they also had their door shut and their bedroom was the other side of the house. It had never worried our daughter before, and as I suffer chronic pain, I am unable to go outside. So that was another reason they left early. This broke my heart, so she told me in no uncertain terms that she would never come to our home again.

I am trying hard to give up smoking, really hard, but when there were excuses to leave it was awful, she broke my heart.

I have tried and always backed down when our daughter has a go at me, which is often, but the last time she really was awful. Really rude, and I was crying so hard. I would never had said anything like that to my parents even swearing. It was all through Social media and so for the first time I had to stand up to her, and said I wouldn’t talk until I got an apology. She said she would never apologise and I deserved every word.

I love my daughter so much, I even care for her partner and her boys. I told her partner over the phone that I had nothing against her, I didn’t know what the problem was.

I know my daughter has been to hell and back, we have always stood by her and helped her no matter what as that is what you do for your kids. But swearing and cursing for something out of my control was difficult to take.

x

- - mum4107 said
  - 28 Aug 2015
    5:18 am
This is so hard. I believe if you want someone in your life, then you need to forget the hurt and move forward. if you want them in your life, tell them you want them

- - mom94125 said
  - 26 Aug 2015
    8:47 pm
it is hard to say anything to you when i have not been in this position. Maybe you just have to accept that this IS her. Holding onto the past will only hurt you. I am glad that you still love her. ALL love is equal. Maybe invite her to visit you or skype