juggling it

it sounds very hard and tiring and I think you are doing an amazing job,
I hope and pray your Mum is doing ok and she pulls through this, i would be inclined to say that maybe at this time it is not the right time for you to return to work, your mum needs you as does your baby, but also I feel you will burn out if you return to work. Can hubby do his new business in a year or so or even part time around an outside job?

I am so sorry that you are going through this especially when you should be enjoying your baby and family.

I hope that everything is better now.

it a a great and exellent story

You haven’t said how many brothers & sisters you have. Even if there’s only you and one other sibling, I would be talking to other family members, and asking them to help out a little with your mother. There are only 24 hours in each day, and you can’t risk stretching your own health (mental & physical) to breaking point, as you know that you also have a family to care for. And you won’t be any good to your mother, or your husband and child, if you break down. As much as your mother is your major focus, please don’t forget to take care of yourself.

how has it been going since?

awwww hun, much love and support going to you, this must be a very difficult time, but try not to let guilt creep in, there are only so many hours of the day, and you already sound like you are spreading yourself thin

This is a sad situation and i hope something comes your way to make it better and I’m wondering if your mum could stay with you for a while?

Returning to work I think is something you need to keep in mind for the future but not a right now thing as you will burn out. As hard as it is to let go of the feeling you need to be the one to do it, I think contacting the council for some home help or another agency would be a great idea. I have had experience with these people and they are great. They can offer a variety of services to help you out ( or you and mum). I hope this helps.

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  • • mom57522 replied
    • 10 Jan 2015 , 8:23 pm

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  Yes, I agree. I don’t think returning to work at the moment will help.

Is there any chance your mother could move in with you for a while this would help you out as you could then be with her and your family and you could make sure she’s eating and drinking all the time which will also stop you from worrying.

Seek advise from counselor or maybe sign up for some classes every now and then when your hubby is looking after the baby. I’m sure there’s ways you can work out if you try hard.

All the best.

I’m sorry to hear that you are so overwhelmed. I hope you are able to find a happy medium to keep everyone happy (as well as, most importantly, yourself).

OH goodness… Is there a local support there you can seek hekp from?

This sounds like a truly difficult situation. And I hope that you find the strength to continue doing the amazing job you are doing!!! I wish you all the success with the business from home and I pray the treatments help your Mum.

I went through similar and we are ourselves our worst enemies. We put so much pressure and guilt on ourselves to handle anything and be superwoman. You may just need to put yourself first for a little so that you can be better for everyone else. And that may just mean going to that movie or getting a manicure but it has to be something for yourself

You need to let the rest of the family know you are not coping. Explain they MUST help out. If needs be pull out the guilt trip – when my MIL passed away, some of them suddenly realised that by not being there while she was in hospital, and not helping out with appointments etc, they missed out on some of the last chances to be with her. She is going to 100 percent understand that you are struggling with bubs and need some time out.

Thank you Fibear. I don’t want to siund selfish, but just need a pat on the back and a ‘you sre doing a good job’.

I have sat down and had a good talk with hubby. He didn’t realise how I felt and has stepped up a lot more. Yesterday he washed, vacuumed and did the dishes! Glad we had a talk, I forgot how reliable he could be, just got caught up in the mess of things.

you are an amazing person for doing all of that. I hope people are thanking you for doing so much. you are doing mre than one person should in a lifetime! you are a great mom and daughter! dont ever forget that!

Thanks for understanding. I feel as though I needed someone to validate that I am not being ridiculously selfish.

She has a counselor working with her, that has told me she is fine to come down on her own. The cancer council bus picks her up at her door and drops her at the hospital door. But when I suggest this to mum, she ‘prefers domeone to come’. Argh.

Hubby is going to stay home. Rather than looking for work, I need to let him do more with the baby. It’s just hard, when the baby cries, I see what’s wrong. It’s automatic in me. When the floor needs sweeping, I just do it. I’m going to have to adjust to the fact it’s his job now. Otherwise I will collapse, like you said.

Thank you for your support!

doesnt sound you are juggling it sounds like you are drowning. Its really crappy that others in your family are not doing much except for judging you, I certainly dont know how judging you is going to help your mum and her health anyway. I have heard an expression that says something like the carer is no good if they arent caring for themselves. I am so very sorry you dont have more support and so sorry that you are feeling so guilty when there is no reason for you to be feeling that way. Is there an organisation or a social worker that your mum is associated with that can be supportive with her, take her to appointments and do some of the checking up on her etc.
Re your husband, is he still going to look for work or is his mind made up that he wants to be the stay at home parent? Some things to consider maybe? I think you might collapse in a heap if you were to return to work right now