Losing a loved one - Real Mum story on MoM

I’ve seen a lot of stories recently of people losing their loved ones, so I thought I’d share my story.

When I was 14 I was a typical teenager, moody who liked to stay locked in the bedroom until dinner. It was a sunday and I’d been reading that afternoon. My brother had been called into work that morning and I heard my mum on the phone to him at 6 and heard he was about 5 minutes away. I kept reading and eventually I got sick of waiting to be called to dinner so went out to the kitchen. It was now 6:30 and my brother still wasn’t home. My parents had heard sirens so dad decided to go for a drive to find out where they were going. About ten minutes later he came home with my brother’s hat, wallet and phone and said he’s been in an accident and he’s on the way to hospital.

I’d never been religious but I prayed to anyone that would listen on the way to the hospital, that if my brother was okay I promised I would be a better daughter and sister. I wouldn’t fight, I wouldn’t complain, I’d be happy.

We went to emergency and were ushered into a room and a minute later a doctor (I assume) came in and said “I’m sorry”. That was it. My parents wanted to see his body so we were taken in and I can still picture it clear as day. I don’t know how long we stayed there. The rest of the night was a blur but I remember sitting outside with his best friend in silence, neither of us knowing what to do. My best friend at the time came to the hospital and hugged me. Lying in bed staring blankly at the wall trying to figure out what the hell had just happened, wondering how I could turn back time.

I cried throughout the week and then at the funeral where I tried to avoid everyone’s staring eyes. And then..nothing. I saw how ripped apart my parents were so I figured if I cried it would just make it worse. But, as it does, life went on. On his birthday and the anniversary of his death my mother would buy 18 (his age) balloons and we’d let them off at sunset while listening to Powderfinger – “Sunset”. She still does it every year.

There was so much anger and hate in me in regards to the circumstances surrounding his death. Why had the person who’d seen him not stopped sooner or swerved around him? Why had my family cancelled the christmas party that was meant to be on that day? Why had he been called into work? Was it my fault somehow?

Then I met my now husband when I was 19. He changed everything for me. He taught me how to deal with my emotions and my grief that I’d never previously dealt with. He helped me over the anger and hate. I came to realise that I didn’t need to put flowers on his grave every Sunday like my mum still does or let off balloons on those days to remember him and to honour his memory. I’ll use a cliche here, but I realised that all I truly had to do was to live and love and be the best person I could be. How better to remember such an outgoing, loved, smart and funny boy than to be the best I could be.

It’s been 10 years this year and I have an amazing, loving husband, two beautiful little girls and a life I would not change for anything. I still think about him sometimes and wonder what could have been and I still struggle with my emotions sometimes. But he’ll always be there. That’s something I’m still trying to teach my parents who continue to grieve every day for him.

I suppose the point to this story is to let people know that even though right now it seems like the world is collapsing and it’ll never be the same, it will get better. Surround yourself with people you can talk to and who will support you and eventually, it will get better.

Posted by amandaks, 8th May 2014

12 Comments

- - mom113055 said
  - 14 Sep 2015
    2:19 pm
loved one

- - miss_sammy said
  - 01 Jun 2015
    5:18 pm
your story moved me to tears! your husband sounds like an incredible man! Its never your fault but its one we always go over what if…. what if. I am so sorry for your families sad Loss… but they way you live your life to the fullest im sure makes him ever so proud x

- - BellaB said
  - 09 May 2014
    11:01 pm
I think it is a little different when it’s your child though. I understand how your Mum feels; I still do things to mark my baby son’s death. It’s a way of feeling you’re still looking after them, in the only way left to you.
- amandaks replied
  
  10 May 2014 , 3:11 pm
  Thank you for your comment, however I wasn’t saying anything against my parents. This story was to highlight what happened to me, how I initially dealt with it and how I now deal with it. As a parent now myself I can understand how they feel about the loss from a parents perspective.
- - hopefullyheidi said
  - 09 May 2014
    10:37 pm
I’m so sorry for your loss. You need to be commended for the way that you have gone on to deal with it. You sound like you have a very supportive hubby as well.

- - christial said
  - 09 May 2014
    7:52 pm
I am so pleased to hear that you found your hubby who had taught you how to deal with your anger and guilt. Hopefully one day you would be able to teach your parents how to ‘let go but not let go’ and they can be happy and remember the son that they had and loved.

- - ashblonde said
  - 09 May 2014
    5:09 pm
Losing anyone is tragic, but a young life like your brother must have been so hard to bear. Time does help with the grieving process & fortunately for you having a great partner & now your own kids you have learnt to heal.

- - Kelly said
  - 08 May 2014
    11:09 pm
Sorry for the loss of your brother i lost my brother 4 years ago to MND and i found just as i did for my mum was to plant a tree which i did a apple tree and every year when it produces apples we chat about him and thank him for our lovely green apples.

- - arcticwynta said
  - 08 May 2014
    9:20 pm
I am so very sorry for the loss of your brother. I am happy for you that you found your Hubby loving and supportive.

- - mrsgreen12 said
  - 08 May 2014
    3:50 pm
Im so sorry for you loss, what a story!
Your very courageous.
Im going through a tough time and the past few years have been horrible
Nearly lost mum to breast cancer, lost my Nan (dads mum) & Pop (mums dad) in 2011 both from cancer and in January this year I lost my Dad also to cancer and ive just had preventive double mastectomy and reconstruction to prevent breast cancer. Im nearly 4 weeks out and hit an emotional point. after a 12 hr surgery, a week in hospital and now 2 weeks at home with a set back Im still sore, tired and have a long recovery ahead.
Im trying to be positive about it all and dearly miss those ive lost, im so thankful Mum is still here and can support me through this.
Hugs to you and your family
- amandaks replied
  
  08 May 2014 , 4:30 pm
  Wow that’s a lot to go through in only a few years. Things will start to look up soon Praying for a speeding recovery for you!
  - ashblonde replied
    
    09 May 2014 , 5:01 pm
    
    Pleased you are healing now Mrs Green, hope to hear you are back to normal in no time.