We have a 14, almost 15 year old son. He’s a sweet kid. Good at school and respectful at home towards his step-father, his little sister and to me. He has a lovely girlfriend and our families get on well. Her parents are wonderful and we have alot of time for them and our friendship. She’s a beautiful young girl who we reckon is a female version of him! He has his moments where he’s a cheeky little bugger but generally, he’s supportive and responsible family member. He’s currently away with his dad on school holidays.

I received a FB message from her yesterday which spun me out. She asked if she could sleep over as her family were going away the weekend he returns from holidays. She misses her BF and wanted to see him as soon as possible. She had not discussed it with her mum yet. I didn’t know what to say. I sat looking at the screen for ages before responding. I like her very much but I don’t want them to move too fast. I wish I’d listened to people who said to me at that age not to pick my BF over family and friends.

I asked her how her family friends would feel is she did not turn up for their gathering. She had not thought of that. I asked why she had not mentioned it to her mum and she said she didn’t know how. I told her I wished I’d listened to my mum when I was that age not to rush life. I said honesty was the best way and that I wasn’t saying yes or no, but she had to talk to her mum first and then her mum and I would discuss the matter. She said she would sleep on it and let me know today. She messaged me this morning and said after giving it some thought, she’d go away with her folks and catch up with her BF after the weekend.

I am very proud of her for coming to that decision on her own. But do I talk to her mum or leave it between us? Hubby reckons I shouldn’t break her privacy and keep it between us so she knows she can trust me BUT I have so much respect for her mum, I worry that her mum might think I’ve overstepped my role. I want to guide my boy as much as possible and that includes being supportive towards his girlfriend. I’m not sure what to do next…. I know its only a matter of time before it comes up again so what do I do?

Posted by MonicaMaree, 5th April 2013

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  • It didn’t happen, so I see no need to tell her mother. If it comes up again and looks like happening, you will have to talk to the mum. What wonderful teenagers you have there, very lucky


  • I’d keep it between you because nothing happened and you want her to be able to come to you in the future of there is a need :)


  • Teenagers need many role models not just their parents, leave it between you both


  • great story to read


  • well i think that you should keep her trust in case she needs to talk to you about bigger issues like pregnancy or even birth control. These issues will affect your son too and obviously she is afraid of what her mother will say. You will be someone that she can trust and come to for advice and you know that you will guide her correctly, which you can’t say about other people. I think that her mum would be happy with your response. It is only a sleep over proposal and nothing came about it anyway. I think that you convincing her to talk to her mum is putting the ball back into her court and then it is her choice about how she deals with the decision.

    • i hope that it worked out for all of you. Hope that you were able to handle this situation


  • Tough call. Keep your word, if her mum finds out explain the situation.


  • I wouldn’t tell her mum. It sounds like you have a good relationship- which is worth maintaining – and it’s not like she’s doing anything dangerous or making bad choices.


  • maybe she could sleep over put put them in the lounge room. no hanky panky


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