I have quite a troubled family, and over the past few years, have lost almost all contact due to differences in life choices.. After finding out I am expecting my first child, I made the decision to cut ties completely with my mother specifically due to her toxic, controlling demeanour (we were in contact quite frequently up until I reached about 5 1/2 months as I have brothers who she stops me from being able to have contact with, I am not keeping her happy). She is involved in some things that I do not wish for my child to be exposed to in life, and she cannot seem to understand my point of view on what I wish to change, due to the fact she has brought myself and my siblings up in these situations. It has gotten much worse over the years, and she has become quite aggressive, and just plain nasty in the way she speaks to, and treats people, however never admits to, or takes responsibility for it.. Not only has she caused problems with my MIL, over her ‘opinions’ she has also tried to come between my husband and myself, even going as far as creating stories to other people, that she knows will get back to us..
My sister previously dealt with similar, when her baby was born, which continued to escalate until her & her partner moved state just to get away from it all..
Even though I know I am doing the right thing for My Own Family that I am creating, I still crave the Mother Daughter bond we had years ago before she became so different, and sometimes I worry about not having someone to turn to once my baby does arrive..

Posted anonymously, 2nd September 2014

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  • I hear ya! I’ve cut contact with most of my family for similar reasons. It just wasn’t worth the stress of keeping them in my life


  • Sometimes, no matter how much we wish for things to be different, they won’t be. Sometimes you just have to walk away from family. As much as you kiss them, life is generally better without them when all they’ve been is negative, nasty and controlling


  • There is always time to mend some bridges.. I am sure your mother will be suffering as much as you are with the unrest between you so hopefully a compromise can be reached. If you feel this way now and anything unforseen was to happen, you may have regrets??..
    When you have your child, your focus will change to your own family and that is where it should be but hopefully you can work things out as its always good to have a grandma figure.It may be wise though to keep a bit of distance between you to avoid old habits!


  • sometimes distance is what is required, either physically or emotionally. There is only so much that you can take. My grandmother played all these controlling mid games with the family so i kind of have an idea of where you are coming from.


  • To me by the sounds of it your doing the right thing in taking yourself out of the bad situations and not letting your child be brought up into a bad situation.
    It’s very hard going through such a magical time in your life without your mum as I know only to well (my mum passed away before I had my 4th child) my last pregnancy was so different as I didn’t have her to share such a magical time in my life, but honestly I think your doing the right thing and maybe have a chat with you MIL you never know she maybe more than willing to help and be there for you.


  • sometimes its better to walk away, your child is the most important person here. good luck


  • Firstly thank you for sharing your story. I believe you have made the right choice in stepping away from such a s toxic person, coming from someone who has had to make that choice themselves I understand just how hard and draining that option can be. Unless your mother can seek to find help for herself and become a better person no one should make your doubt your decision to make a more stable, reliable and less toxic environment for your child. Maybe focus and remember the good times you had with your mother without letting it cloud your judgement and reasons for distancing yourself. There are lots of support groups out there for mothers these days and I’m sure you’ll find lots of valuable advice and support from the ladies on here to aide you in those moment’s you are not quite sure of once the baby arrives :-)
    Take care and all the best.


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