It is my son’s partner’s 21st birthday today. We are all going out to dinner tonight. She was going to bake her own birthday cake until I stepped in, her sister passed on a message through another sister to say they couldn’t go to dinner as they couldn’t afford it. She spends hundreds going away to a non-family member every second weekend, I think around $350 for food. But she can’t go to her sister’s even for a visit. Her father won’t go. Her brother’s won’t go. It isn’t fair. I feel for her, she is always doing things for everyone else, she is such a lovely girl, they have 3 daughters, one isn’t her’s but she treats her like she is. There is not one of her family that offered to do a cake for her, but her mother does two trips to town a day for their township, running errands for the people around her. She does meals on wheels two days a week, but she does nothing for her youngest daughter. it isn’t fair. I love her as if she was my own daughter. We can’t afford much on a disability pension, but we spoilt her, giving her lots of little things that she enjoys doing. My hubby and I are going down to the restaurant to decorate it, her family should be doing this. But no, not for her. It makes me so angry when parents can spend a fortune for others but when it comes to their own child, they can’t do anything. This poor girl rang me in tears, all I could say is it was their loss and that we love her.

Has anyone else got some advice what to say to her, she is such a beautiful girl, a wonderful mum and will be, hopefully, a gorgeous future daughter-in-law.

Lots of love and hugs to all those other daughter’s who go through the same thing.

xxx dee

Posted by dee lindsay, 28th August 2014

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  • Sadly, I’m treated the same by my own family. On my 21st last year, my mother didn’t bother turning up, my father wasn’t even in the picture until months after.
    Sibling wise, it’s as if they want absolutely nothing to do with me.

    I’m the outcast of the family.
    I don’t know what I’d say to somebody in the same situation, but it really is depressing


  • I am treated the exact same way by my family i didnt even get a happy birthday this year let alone anything else. i was actually shocked when my partners mum rang to say happy birthday.
    if you do everything you have said then that is enough, honestly, i know how it feels to be ignored and mistreated and you are certainly making her feel special and loved by how you treat her.


  • Dear Dee, what a lovely lady you are and the beautiful girl you are speaking of is extremely luck to have you in her life. I don’t know why some people are so cruel, sadly we have some in our family like this young lady has and we no longer afford them our time or consideration. There’s that saying: The least you do for people, the more thought of you are and it really does seem like that’s the way it is in most cases. Anyway, people that behave badly towards others are sad people in deed. Chin up to the lovely lady you treat like a daughter, I wish her all the luck and happiness for the future.

    • Thank you for your beautiful comments, It is so lovely of you. I found out the hard way that life is far too short for bitterness and hatred. It was my granddaughters 1st birthday today, so we had the party last Saturday to suit her family. The nastiness continued during the party, I felt like yelling at her family to grow up, but then my youngest granddaughter came and sat on my knee and sang and played and laughed. The green faces sat around me, they got greener and greener. Jealousness showed its ugly head. “oh maybe we should start seeing more of the kids” and my other two granddaughters rushed up for cuddles and loves. ‘I love you nanny’ they said. The two youngest were frightened, even the eldest wouldn’t have cuddles with any of them. I felt awful for them, but they only live 10 minutes away, they could visit if they wanted to. half of them don’t work.

      I try hard for forgiveness, but when I see the way this beautiful young lady is treated, I honestly I think it’s wrong. There is no need. One of her brothers is causing havoc, when her mum is in the car with him, she ignores her daughter, when she is alone, or has other grandchildren with her, she talks. I don’t understand, It is just aweful. I love this young lady as if she is one of my daughters. She is thoughtful, kind, loving, a great mother, A pleasure to be around.
      xxx dee


  • How horrible, Sounds similar to my family unfortunately, or if they do anything for you – it’s only ever as means to throw back in your face at a later date :(
    I’ve learnt even though “you can’t pick your family” – This is why we grow & create our own.
    Your daughter in law sounds very lucky to have found your son, who have such a great family to welcome her into :)

    • Thank you and I am so sorry you have been treated so poorly by your family. It is awful that families can be so cruel. When I was around 11 years of age, my parents were divorced and I wanted to live with my dad. My mum thought I was crazy and sent me to a psychiatrist. It was after school, I went once, and never went again. It wasn’t until after my dad passed away that I was told he had no idea how much I loved him during that period of my life.
      I am lucky enough to have very close friends, friends that I have known for 40 years or more and still making more close friends. Friends are much better than family, but now I have lost my uncles, father, brother all at a young age, life is far too short. I know my mother did some terrible things and told awful lies to my younger sister. I don’t talk about the past, but I love my mother, because she is my mother. If you have arguments with family, you really do need to make up and be the adult, I have, and I feel better for it. I would hate to lose my sister and mother and not talk to them. xxx dee


  • this is so sad I am pleased she has you to help her to show her some love. The saying is so true you can’t choose family but you can choose super friends like you

    • Thank you so much for your beautiful comments.

      The bitterness continues even after her birthday, it is unbelievable. I would be honoured to have this lovely young lady as my daughter-in-law. She is a wonderful mum, and would be a wonderful daughter. She rings her mum for help, my son has work, she found a lump and rang me so I told her to make an appointment with the doctor asap. She asked her mum to take her, but no…. so somehow I have to put 3 car seats in our car so we can take the kids as well. Her mum already has them installed in her car. I know you can’t pick your family but when your mum lives 5 minutes away, you would think she would be worried about her daughter, I am and I am only the nanna of her children. Sorry, it just makes me so mad and frustrated. xxx


  • That’s so sad I bet she wishes you were her mum.
    I think what your doing is great and she sounds like she is really grateful for everything you do for her.
    I hope you all enjoy your meal celebrating her 21st

    • Thank you Kelly,
      We had such a wonderful time, she is such a great mum to my granddaughters it was the least we could do. For the first time I wrote “love mum and dad lindsay” on her card so she knows how much she means to us. I am going to really try and spend a day a week with her and the two kids at home, or when the eldest isn’t at school on a thursday, i spend the time with the four of them. She lives out of town and hasn’t got a licence. I just love her to bits. xxx


  • This is very sad. I have had a similar situation with my own family, and in the end I decided to simply walk away from them. I didn’t need the constant angst and pain.

    • I am so sorry you went through so much pain. It isn’t right. The party went well, but she couldn’t believe my hubby and I decorated the room, I am a disabled pensioner suffering severe chronic pain, she has a healthy family and they did nothing. I think it is time for some families to realise life is far far to short for this nonsense. I lost my brother at 52, he and I were partly estranged and I wish I was the one who apologised when it wasn’t me who did wrong that time. I lost my dad at 59, he and I were so close. But life IS far too short for petty bickerings, you can’t apologise when they are gone. I hope you have a family of your own, partner and kids who love you for who you are. xxx dee


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