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One of the hardest parenting journeys is that of the Stepmother, striking up a new relationship is hard enough, let alone getting involved with someone who already has children. But why do we always get a bad rap?

Sally Collins has put together Stepmother Love in a bid to break the cycle of the ‘wicked stepmother’. Stepmother Love tells the stories of ten women who have chosen to take on the challenge of making a positive contribution to the lives of their stepchildren.

I had the opportunity to ask the author of Stepmother Love, Sally Collins, a few questions:

1. What inspired you to put Stepmother Love together?

I wrote stepmother love because I was a stepmum wanting to hear real life stories about other stepmothers and find what had worked for them in building their new family.

I struggled to find a book on the topic that was told in the stepmother’s voice so I decided to take on the task and set about meeting with many different stepmothers to hear their stories.

Once I started it became clear to me that there are many stories out there that needed to be told.

2. How long do you feel it took to gain your stepdaughters love and respect?

I know I’m not alone is saying it takes time to build relationships between stepchildren and step-parents and this is something that can’t be forced or rushed. I can think of lots of special times where I became aware that we were becoming closer. They were times like when our first child Georgia was born so a new baby sister for them. Also their special occasions are important for this process too like special birthdays and graduations.

3. Have you ever had a ‘wicked stepmother’ moment?

Other than not letting them go to the ball until they have mopped all the floors, I can’t really recall too many. Oh there was that slightly bitter apple too…

4. Do you feel that people automatically jump to conclusions when you say you are a stepmother? How do you overcome that?

People can react in a very negative manner to the term stepmother and I include myself in that too in the early days.

I am used to the term now and think its important that we feel we can discuss families in all the shapes and sizes that they come in. If the conclusions that people jump to are that I am evil or mean I would hope spending time with our family would fix this.

5. What do you think is the number one thing to do to make the step relationship positive?

The number one thing has to be to make a conscious decision that you will do everything you can to make these relationships work. It requires work from everyone however if the stepmum is doing everything she can to have great relationships then there is almost nothing more she can do – the rest is up to the father and kids as to how they support or don’t support her.

6. Tell us where we can buy Stepmother Love?

Stepmother is available through all book stores and on my website www.stepmotherlove.com

Thanks Sally, I am sure this book will help many Stepmothers and stepmothers to be!

  • I can’t say all step mothers are good,sorry. Mine was determined to make sure my brother,sister or I did not stay part of our fathers life, she even pushed him to move to another state. She went on to have children with him, and we no longer existed. He didn’t even pay child support. I tried as an adult to build a relationship but it was top hard.. He has never met his granddaughter and never will. And she is to blame for so much of it. Yet I have a step father who would go to space and bring back the moon for me… It all to do with wether they feel threatened or not. Children didn’t ask to be bought into his world, and fathers need to say to these women my children are part of me, and come first.

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  • It all depends on the person. I’ve know some women would loved the role of step mum and get on well with the step kids and others who resent the kids presence and have caused real havoc in the family.

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  • I think I generally depends on the person she is! She could.be amazing or could be horrible!! Great read!! 🙂

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  • It is so hard getting the acceptance of the children

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  • Being a step mother is difficult but when the step children accept you,that’s the greatest reward of your life.

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  • great article, thanks for sharing

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  • I guess I am lucky, as no one in my family, or extended family ever consider using the word STEP, you are family, thats all.

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  • Not all stepmothers bad. My friend very kind with her stepkids.

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  • What a great parenting book, I’ll definitely be recommending this to friends.

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  • I have to recommend this book to my bestie…

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  • I see some sstepmoms that take care of their kids like their own

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  • my Dad isnt married to his partner but i get on so well with her!!

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  • Great article. Mine was not very nice but this is back in the early 80’s, things are inproving

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  • No not all step mother are bad
    I used to think mine was when I was younger and I made her be nasty to me it wasn’t really her fault but now that I’m older and understand she’s really a great woman and we have a great relationship

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  • I think and please remember that this is only my thoughts (I do have a step mum and step dad), I believe that the step parents try to hard sometimes to be the actual parent and especially with older kids they have to remember that they will never take the place of their real mum or dad and I think that’s why some kids rebel against the step parent, I know I did with my step mum.

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  • I very interesting article. I think it would really be hard to perfect the stepmother role!

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  • I had a terrible step mother. She was abusive and violent to my dad and my sisters.Even her own kids hate her. I know there are great step parents out there l have seen them.

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  • Looking forward to reading this book as a future stepmum! Trisha Yearwood (country singer and tv host in US, married to Garth Brooks) calls her children by marriage, “bonus kids” instead of step kids. I think that’s really nice. It would be great to be thought of as a “bonus mum”!

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  • I wish I had a nice step mother, unfortunately my step mother was the worst thing that could have ever happened to my family. My parents were on good terms when they divorced and my father was a pretty keen grandfather. But she soon put a stop to all of that. You could see the jealousy in her face a mile off, she couldn’t bare to be in the same room as my mother. She tolerates my sisters because they live either interstate or overseas and she doesn’t have to see them more than half a dozen times a year (if that), but the second they mention anything about what we did as kids, apparently the green eyed monster comes right out.

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  • I had a stepmother, she was once like my second mother, because she and my mum were best friends for years, then when she had an affair with my dad and they ran off together. She never understood why we couldn’t be like we were before, but I could never forgive her. Once she had her own baby, she didn’t want us around anymore and we became estranged from my father. Only now after 3o years are my father and I talking again…

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