Is it just me or does everyone get overwhelmed at the supermarket? Just when I think I know where I can find everything, someone decides that the aisles need rearranging and suddenly nothing is logical.
Dried fruit is in the healthy aisle, my favourite sauce has been moved to the international section and don’t even get me started on where to find the apricot nectar!
And then there’s the packaging info. I thought I was reasonably intelligent but when I’m faced with those huge lists of ingredients and numbers, I start having panic attacks and am sure I’m poisoning my family. I have been known to walk out of the shop with nothing because I can’t make a decision!
Well, that didn’t work!
I went through a stage of trying to eliminate everything I’d read that was supposedly harmful. That shopping trip took about 7 hours and I came home with four products that all tasted like shite and toilet paper everyone hated.
My sugar-free phase was met with equal confusion and failure.
I have now decided on a happy medium which basically consists of ‘don’t buy junk food and try not to overanalyse everything’.
Three Shopping Rules
My three rules:
1) Go shopping with a list
2) Never shop hungry and
3) Avoid the chocolate aisle!
To help get it off my chest, I’ve put my supermarket struggles into song. Check it out below:
LOOKING FOR THE MARMALADE
Sung to the hit disco tune ‘Lady Marmalade’
This one’s for my shopping sisters, don’t get overwhelmed sisters
Refined sugar, raw sugar
Bleached sugar, brown sugar
Almond flour, rice flour
Wholemeal flour, spelt
My mind it explodes in the supermarket
Too many labels to read
Let’s get this done quick
In and out in a flick
Gluten, vegan, dietary fibre
Trans fat, monosaturated
Fructose, lactose, vinegar cider
Where’s the orange marmalade?
Farm laid, barn laid, cage free, grain fed. Say What?
Bleached, unbleached, all natural, say what?
Should I try vegan and give it a go?
I’m not all that fussed about meat.
But that means no milk
No eggs and no cheese
Hell no I can’t do without gouda
Camembert and brie are my life
Wine and cheese are married forever
I still can’t find the marmalade
Oat milk, goat milk, rice milk, soy milk? Low fat?
Homogenised and pasteurised what?
Who owns the screaming kid in aisle ten?
How can I possibly shop
Look If she wants chocolate I’ll buy her a bar
Does she want two, three or four?
Is 621 food colouring or not?
It’s monosodium glutamate
I need a scientific pharmacalogical degree
To be sure sure sure
Gluten, vegan, dietary fibre
Trans fat, monosaturated
Fructose, lactose, vinegar cider
Where the f..k’s the marmalade?
Farm laid, barn laid, cage free, grain fed? Say What?
Bleached, unbleached, all natural, say what?
Oat milk, goat milk, rice milk, soy milk? Low fat?
Homogenised and pasteurised what?
Farm laid, barn laid, cage free, grain fed? Say What?
Bleached, unbleached, all natural, say what?
At last I found the marmalade!
Does anyone else have supermarket struggles? Tell us in the comments below.
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