So I have made the decision to focus on my 5 children and fiance. My mother is toxic, my brother is a very bad person. My mum enables his behaviour which always puts him in jail. I habe cut all contact after so many years of being hurt emotionally and abused by them. They were never a constant in my life or my children. My eldest son is scared of his uncle. Does this make me the bad person that they insist I am.

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  • If thats how you feel about them does it matter if they say you are a bad person?
    I wouldnt worry about what they may be saying. Make the choices that are right for you and your family. Dont make the choices just to be hurtful.

  • Absolutely not. You’re responsible for your children and their happiness and safety – you are not responsible for other adults.

  • Not all all. Your kids need to come first and their wellbeing ( and yours) is whats most important here. If staying away from people ( even family) is protecting them and you then do that. I think you’ve made the right choice for both yourself and your children.

  • No you’re wise to keep distance and to protect yourself and your family against the harmful impact they may have on you and your families life. Boundaries are good and important

  • Not at all. You are doing what is best for you and your family. As painful as it can be to cut ties with your blood sometimes you have no other choice. Sometimes the best family is the one you choice for yourself.

  • Absolutely not, you do what’s best for you and your well-being

  • No, If they are toxic to you then give yourself some space. Going through a similar situation here and its been ten years since we have spoken to the brother in law – we wont be starting again anytime soon. People say it’s a shame but I would rather that then have to pretend to like them when we are around them.

  • without knowing the full story, eg your mum and brothers side of things, just reading what you’ve written here…..you’ve done what’s right for you and your kids. Just cos they’re family doesn’t mean you have to keep them in your life

  • Personally I think this makes you a wise person who is very caring of and for her own family. I am sure you will no only be better off, but so will your children be better off and your own home life will improve by leaps and bounds. Stay safe and keep smiling and your family will love you for what you have done.

  • No not at all follow your instincts and move forward.

  • Absolutely not. You can only do what is right for you and I completely understand. At the age of 48, I finally disconnected from a narcissistic sister who has been a toxic existence in my life since I was a teenager. My Mum always chooses her and her behaviour and I have always bowed to pressure from my Mum to be nice and play nice. Only through the support of my GP and Psychologist have I come to understand the behaviour and my Mum’s part in it. I am disconnected from my sister and have never been happier. It has given me clarity to how toxic her behaviour is and that is says more about her than me. People who know me, support me and have been more aware than me for years. And my relationship with my Mum has changed too. I have less to do with her because she ALWAYS chooses my older sister. And my hubby, son and I could not be happier. You do you.

  • definitely not!! well done on putting yourself and your children first

  • Thks males you the best person for your family. Your kids and husband come first and what you feel is best for them and their safety!

  • Absolutely not! This makes you a great person. You have your own family to look after and it sounds like you are doing a great job. Yes parents and siblins are family but when it is not healthy or safe you have to put yourself and your family first. Stay strong and teach your kids and raise them how you want and learn from others what you dont want to do.

  • I don’t know who is calling you a bad person but I think you are doing the right thing. If this is how they’ve treated you then you are doing the right thing. Your fiance and your children must come first especially since your eldest son is scared of his uncle. I’d move as far away as I possibly could and not have any further contact with them. Wish you all the best

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