This is seriously bad manners and yes it seems to be how things are now.
I often had people not RSVP but turn up anyway or not turn up at all.
People who would turn up early and then also arrive late to collect their kids.
Even had a couple of kids who werre not invited turn up.

I think when invitations go out for these type of parties at play centres it needs to mention that confirmation will be required days before the event so if you are a “NO SHOW” you will be asked to pay your child’s fee. (As this can cost the Party organiser quite a bit on the day.) I think Mum’s will be fine with this note attached to any invitation these days as parties are heal at many venues that ask a deposit and stand firm on booking numbers.

It’s so sad that people are so thoughtless nowadays. They just seem to give these things no consideration at all and yet, sadly, it is becoming more common place. Next time maybe add a reply on any RSV to ask her to let you know of any cancellations as you have to pay and need time to cancel. She might get the hint.

I’m sorry for your situation and I think your SIL should pay you. Ut I’ve found that people are pretty full on when it comes to kids parties. I’ve witnessed mothers coming and staying and asking for drinks and food instead of dropping their kids off and also I’ve seen mothers eating all the food as well. They’ve really got a hide. And you’re not the only one that the RSVP’s don’t get answered and the kids turn up and the parents ask is it ok for their other children to attend. I find it mind boggling. I could never do that. Those parents drop off all their kids so they can have a break. It really grates on me. But I definitely would be asking SIL for the money.

Omg! I’m so appalled for you! You mentioned this was your sister in law, so maybe your husband could have a chat with her about it.
That is really inconsiderate and doesn’t sound like she was even going to give you any notice. That’s not considerate for your daughter or you! I completely understand if you guys don’t say anything but know that you have every right to be upset! That’s not on

For me, that’s really disappointing and disrespectful. While none of my family member has ever done that to me, I know I’d feel genuinely upset if they did. I hope she apologised to you and your daughter—you definitely deserved that.

Although I have not had a family member do this, I have found over the years that unfortunately some people are very casual about RSVP’s. With my son’s more expensive birthday parties I would try and get invites out early, including a note that if rsvp not received by the date specified, they will not be counted in the booking. (think I said it better but can’t remember the statement I used)

I can imagine this would be deflating to spend the money and have people not turn up and I completely understand that. Also though – she is supposed to be family – she should be prioritising celebrating her nieces birthday at least enough to be able to update her RSVP.

One thing I found helpful (especially when it involves a party that involves a significant amount of cost) is to write on the birthday invite something along the lines of “please be considerate in your rsvp and aware that we will make arrangements and costs for your child to attend this party”

Aw bless, what an unpleasant situation ! As you can read from the various answers given it does happen regularly that a parents confirms their child is coming but then at the last moment they don’t turn up, causing parents to make arrangements and costs for nothing. The fact that it in your situation involves a family member (your SIL) makes it extra hard as you have a bond with them. Personally I think it is wise that you didn’t mention about the money lost as it could cause friction.

I think this is rude and she was in the wrong to not message and let you know. Kids parties are not cheap and I would be letting her know how this made you feel and that you could have invited other kids to come along. I agree with some other comments below. Keep it simple and with only a few kids and next year don’t include them unless they are happy to contribute if they decide in the day not to attend.

We had something similar occur many years ago and from that time on we kept the parties simple and only invited particular people and children. It is easy to use a calendar and diary to record important dates and events and not forget them. It is good manners and respectful to inform people ahead of time of changed plans.

I don’t think this is a normal thing to do, this is really rude. I would expect this from someone who you don’t really know, like a mum from a school friend, not someone who is family. I at least hope that there was an apology included in her message, and that it didn’t put a cloud over your day

That is really rude, especially since most people do know you have to pay a decent amount for kids at these parties. I think I would maybe not mention the money, but tell her that you would have appreciated much more notice next time so that you could make appropriate arrangements.

Thats really disrespectful, she could have given you the heads up. Its expensive holding a party and to not let the host know they weren’t coming in advance is so rude!

Did she have any intention to tell you or only did because you had messaged first? I would be so upset.

I haven’t had this issue recently but my kids have been having smaller parties at home as we just can’t afford a large party and inviting heaps of kids

Not necessarily these days. It used to happen at least a decade ago, too. We held a Maccas party when one of my kids was around Kinder age. We were also moving away from the state. Let’s just say that there were more children who didn’t show up than there were children who did and 3 of those were our other children!!

I think that’s pretty rude and I wonder if she would have pulled the same move with friends (did she think it was ok because you’re family?). I’m not sure what’s worse – the ones who don’t bother rsvp’ing and show up or the ones that say they’re coming and don’t show. Party etiquette has gone out the window these days. I admit though I hate Facebook invitations because I don’t always get notifications and easily forget it I don’t write it in my diary straight away. I much prefer a printed invite on the fridge

I think as a general rule people are not that rude, especially when you have booked somewhere like that. People are usually thankful for the free entertainment for their kids. That is absolutely the height of rudeness, especially when she already said she was coming and didn’t say otherwise until on the day when you messaged her first!

it sounds as though your SIL forgot the party was even on, given that she only messaged to cancel after you messaged her just before the party. whilst i’d be pretty mad, i genuinely don’t think some people realise that with parties at venues it’s upwards of $30 per child and you pay and confirm numbers in advance. people are more casual these days I feel in general, no shows at weddings for example……

You are justified in being annoyed, especially since it was family and a very last minute cancellation. I don’t know whether it is a good idea to say anything, or if it is best to let it go. I hope your daughter had a lovely birthday party with the other guests.