I’ve been married nearly 6 years, we have a child together who is nearly 4 (and I have 2 other kids from a previous relationship), in the past 2 years I’ve gotten more and more irritated every time my husband speaks or does anything.
My doctor is treating me for severe depression but it seems that, as time goes on, the happiness and caring in our marriage gets less, no matter how the depression treatments go.

I do not feel attracted to him at all and sometimes I even feel repulsed by the thought of kissing him.
Sure I feel like I still love him, but it feels more and more like a platonic kind of thing than the relationship, in love, I’m so happy to be with you, kind of thing it was before.

We rarely fight anymore, not since he stopped drinking, since the last time he ended up being charged by police for assaulting me when he drank.
We barely talk anymore.
Sometimes I just wish he’d leave me so I could escape and not be responsible for it…
Is it just the depression or what should I do?

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  • Everyone’s relationships wain over time as the excitement and newness of getting to know someone diminishes . I think the secret is to realise that this is normal and over time your partner needs to become your best friend. The one you can trust, the one who knows the real you better than anyone and above all the one who had always got your back…..These are all very necessary to have when the passion subsides. If he’s not your best friend then it will be harder to spend the rest of your life with him!

  • Have you tried counselling? That might help you to decide what’s what

  • Wow I just saw the update. Good for you and good luck in the future

  • We’re separating, I’ve been getting treated for depression and it hadn’t really changed much, since making a decision, I’m stressed yes, but I feel better for it.

  • I would love to know how you are and what you have decided to do.. Please share as we are here for you.

  • Such an interesting letter, I can totally relate, it’s very confusing trying to work out which cam first……the depression that’s causing the relationship breakdown or the relationship breakdown that causes the depression

  • I would suggest seeing a counsellor to manage your depression, anxiety and to discuss all issues.

  • I agree with some other comments here & I think you need to have some professional counselling for yourself. Good luck & I hope you find happiness

  • I would suggest that you get a refferal for some councelling for yourself, just so you can talk about it with someone who in non jugmental and you can sort out your thoughts aloud and help you make a decission invoving your future… If your parnter ask you why you need councelling tell him its just to help with your depression. I got some help a few years ago and ended up having about 10 sessions. It was the best thing i ever did, It helped me to think clearer over time and enable me to make decisions in regards to what was best for me and my family. It also helped me get rid of a truck load of anxiety that i was carrying around and didnt know it. It helped me feel a lot more clear headed and happier within myself.. Goodluck

  • If you feel that way about the relationship than it seems to be what’s causing your depression. As long as he has no idea this is how you feel then things wont get better. You need to decide if you want to stay in the relationship, and if so, make a real conscious effort to fall back in love but if not, end it and move on to find true happiness otherwise you will continue to spiral downwards. Once you have made a decision you can move forward and smile again :)

  • I think you should give yourself a little more time to try to find out. I would try to wait until you have been doing some treatment for your depression plus couple couseling perhaps, than you can get a better idea about what to do.
    I am so sorry that you are on this situation. Keep strong. xx

  • if you want to try to save your relationship, maybe its worth seeing a relationship counsellor?

  • some good advice the previous 2 people have written. I hope you find happiness and manage to get some good help to help you make the right decision.

  • I was in a similar situation years ago, but my children were grown up. I could not see a future for us as a couple so I left. Have you actually sat down and talked to your husband about this to see if he feels the same way? I think you need to see a marriage counselor to talk things through to decide your best course of action, maybe take your husband along if he will go, Just don’t wait for some magical transformation to take place – be proactive for everyone’s sake.

  • It sounds like you’re not as happy with the relationship as you used to be and are worried this might be depression or you’re out of love. 1) There is a chance that depression is affecting your feelings, energy levels etc. and perhaps talking to the GP or counselor is a good place to start; there might be something they can change, or give you ideas about feeling happier in yourself apart from your relationship (which will have its ups and downs if it is anything normal). Being happier in yourself might help you cope with things that are less than perfect, and help you see the positives you and your children have. (It is great the drinking has stopped since that is never helpful and was obviously abusive to you – something you do not have to accept). 2) Being worried that you are “out of love” is also something that I understand is quite normal after a fairly long commitment, especially with demands of children. Often the initial “excitement” cannot be reproduced (although sometimes people so think it should be sustained forever). Couples can go on and deepen the relationship and find new depths of love and companionship, and talking about that / getting counseling as a couple might help “deepen” the relationship and make it more satisfying and “exciting”in new ways for you both. I would be wary of looking for the initial “excitement” too hard since that just sets you on a course of seeking relationship after relationship, they will all loose the initial excitement at some point, and the upheaval of starting all over again, time and time again, is rarely satisfying long term. So maybe talk to your GP, get some counseling and look at counseling for couples to help you decide what is going on and what to do.

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