First of all, your husband should not be taking his mother’s side. He chose to marry you and he should be putting you first and supporting you. Your in-laws have no right to lie to you and you have every right to know what they intend to do with your kids.
I think you need to sit down and have a conversation with your hubby and explain how his actions are hurtful to you and also ask him to explain to his parents that lying is not acceptable and that you expect them to abide by your parenting wishes. If they can’t, then they don’t get to have the kids on their own. They can still see them, but just not do babysitting.

You have a husband problem, first and foremost. You should be a united front with your kids, or at least be able to have a discussion and compromise. Depending on the severity of what MIL is doing with the kids is what the next course of action should be.

You will eventually find out what has been going on behind your back, but usually by then it is too late. If your husband won’t back you up, then there is very little you can do without upsetting the equilibrium I’m afraid.

My kids grandmother does things like this all the time
I express quite often that I don’t like it when she gives my kids soft drink and she’ll do it and say don’t tell mummy right in front of me then acts like the victim when I call her out on it

I would tread carefully as you have heard this second hand and it has possible been taken out of context. Regarding your discussions with your husband – let him know how you are not feeling heard or supported by him, in these discussions. He doesn’t have to ‘take your side’ or agree with you, as long as he hears and respects your view.

I would seriously reconsider leaving her alone with my child. She doesn’t have a “right” to anything. And while it might be minor things now, it could grow into more significant things later.

I think it really depends on what you are talking about. If you mean she is giving your child a choc chip biscuit after dinner and you prefered he didnt have one then I say that grand parents are supposed to be the ones that ease up on the rules a little and spoil our children. That should be allowed. But if you have said that they are not allowed do things like swim in the pool alone, cross roads or be left with the people that live across the raod and your mother in law is ignoring those things then your husband needs to stand up to her and no matter what he should be backing you. Im not sure how you can make him do this and sadly without his backing its doubtful you will get anywhere. This is a hard thing to discover in a marriage late in the game. Good luck.

We had to stop visits until our rules and boundaries were respected. The children did not like to be deceptive and break rules. Boundaries and rules do make children feel comfortable. Of course children need to challenge themselves but they do need solid and unshakeable foundations and all adults need to respect each other.

Not nice to hear but I suppose it boils down to if it is just overindulging or being dangerous. Some things we have to let ride a little to keep the piece. Try to work on your relationship with her and she may understand your requests more.

Yeah I’d be upset if that’s what my mother in law said. It’s not ok to hide things from you. They’re actually your children so no one else technically has a ‘right’ to see them without you. That’s a choice that you make based on how spending time with others makes you feel. If you aren’t comfortable then you are the one with the right to say no.

sounds like a hard situation to be in and i would be upset if my mother in law was doing that too. Your husband should be backing you up and supporting you as they are your children and grandparents should be respecting your boundaries.

It’s hard when your husband doesn’t back you up on this. My mother in law said something similar, and I tried to put boundaries in place that weren’t followed. I ended up not asking her to look after my children when I needed help.

I can imagine that her saying “It does not matter what l do with my grandson as long as my daughter in law does not catch me” is rather unpleasant to hear. Personally I think openess and respect important and in order to trust her with your child she should respect the boundarieees. It’s important that you and your husband are on one line too

Boundaries and rules need to be respected and followed and we had to politely and firmly insist on them being followed.

When my kids were smaller i used to get really panicked and annoyed when i left them with my Mother in law and she did stuff i usually didnt allow (specific food etc.). To be honest i just had to learn to let go a little bit. in order to maintain a good relationship with everyone, and you know what they really do love their grandkids and the grandkids love their time with their grandparents.