For all the faults my husband had the one thing he was very good at was not accepting any nonsense from family members towards me. Had thankfully had a wonderful relationship with my Parents in law and can honestly say that his mother and I never had a bad word between us. I adored her. I did how ever have a sister in law that didnt like me but learnt very quickly that she had to behave herself as my husband would always back me.

Having sick kids myself – genetics might come from you but it is NOT your fault. You didn’t make or choose your own genetics.
They sound like cows. Hopefully one day he will learn to stand up for you.

I think a lot of the time it doesn’t even register with men. My husband has even admitted that if certain things aren’t pointed out to him, he is completely oblivious to it. You need to talk to your husband & let him know how you feel, because even if you think he is aware of it, he might not be at all.

one other comment, if he is not going to support you, then you need to defend yourself. be nice, but you can say that you don’t appreciate being told things like that.

he needs to step up. you need to tell him straight that he better stand up for you next time.

Before we married I had had a couple of intense talks with my in laws and they knew where I was coming from. They only made one comment and my answer was ‘ it takes two to tango’ so they knew that I would only ever take half the blame. When we divorced they stayed my friends and not their sons, and I always have had a great relationship with his whole family. Sometimes you have to stand up to other people so everyone knows where you all stand.

Maybe you could try and talk to your husband about how you felt when his mother said those mean things? Not to blame him for his response but to try and communicate about how you felt. He may have a pattern of disassociating when there is any sort of conflict and he may be genuinely unaware of the way you are feeling. Try to communicate more with him – a professional could help greatly with this! I’d avoid the MIL like the plague – you don’t need negativity like that!

MILs often feel entitled, as there is a bond between a mother and a son, which I didn’t know about until I had mine. However, I grin and bare all the things my MIL says to me. We as parents blame ourselves for everything. I am still figuring out how to deal with mine. Talk to your husband. Most men, are internalisers, they process things differently from us. Talk to him, see how he feels. If he believes what she said was true, why he didn’t back you up or comfort you etc.

That’s a terrible thing for you to have gone through. I was so lucky with my late husband and in-laws. His Mum didn’t like me at first until we announced we were getting married. She then did a complete turnaround. She still tells me to this day what a wonderful job we are doing with our boys. Even after my husband passed away from cancer she keeps in touch and is always sending me little notes to see if I need anything. I found out just before we got married that my husband stood up to her and said that if she ever did or said anything bad to me then she was not welcome to visit. I hope that your husband stands up to his parents and tells them what for. And DO NOT keep blaming yourself for your children’s issues. They were a gift from God and he knew that you would look after them and love them with all your heart. I’m proud of you but, I’m sorry to say, I’m disgusted with your husband.

Wow, that’s awful! I can relate a little, but I don’t think my MIL has ever said anything quite that bad. But she has done and said things that have left me really hurt and angry like when she compared my son to a malnourished African child when I was breastfeeding him (yes, he was on the skinnier side as was his sister, but both were growing and developing normally), and not supporting our parenting decisions by undermining us in front of the kids. My husband most of the time says nothing- it takes a lot to get a reaction and a lot of the time he’ll just whinge to me later, instead of standing up to her. It’s a hard situation you’re in, but sounds like if the in-laws are going to be that way, you need to stand up for yourself and don’t take their crap, and if they persist, just avoid seeing them. You don’t live in the same house and if they’re going to be toxic you don’t have to see them.

I really think he should of given her a hug and said I see your pain and my mother’s opinions are not mine and I love you

Don’t believe the lies they whisper in your ears. Ignore them and take distance !

I had a mother-in-law like yours. After 2 decades I realised she had Mental Health problems.
A friend of mine was describing how her mother was behaving recently. Both scenarios sounded the same. Ignore them both & get on with your Life. You know what it best for you & your family.

STAND UP FOR YOURSELF GIRL!!!!!!!!! Your children don’t need to hear this crap! My in-laws did this to me, now the kids are grown-up, they avoid they’re grandparents like the plague, so they don’t feel like they are in the middle. Just take them aside, where the kids won’t be able to hear, and just explain that you understand that they dont like you, but that they dont need to do emotional to them as well. No kid wants to hear their mother d attacked. Even by so called well meaning grandparents. Don’t worry about hubby , they obviously emotionally beat him down before you guys got married. If they think you are being unreasonable, don’t allow them to visit the kids.

We are now estranged from my hubby’s parents and I have never felt so safe and happy. They’ve been in my life for over 30 years and I was never good enough even though I had always bent over backwards to make them happy. There was always trouble and they managed to ruin every major event in the my husband’s and my life. When we had a son, it went to another level and he became a pawn in their brutal game. My husband finally cut them off when my father-in-law called me a dog in our shopping centre, whilst his wife stood by. That was the last straw for my hubby who had always tried to do the right thing by his toxic and abusive parents. We now finally feel free of them and have moved away to another town to be completely rid of them.

Argh, why is it that some men cannot stand to up to their families, especially their mothers?! Ive copped so much condescending, spiteful and awful treatment from my hubbys parents over the years. And whenever something is brought up he will never have my corner.

Literally the only reason we’ve ever fought over the years is due to them causing issues. And he doesn’t even know the half of what they’ve said and done to me. It’s to the point now where I don’t tell him the whole story because he always fobs it off “that’s just how they are and they won’t change”.

Sadly we’ve lived interstate for years now, which means myself and my children are away from my family. If not for them and their vitriol, I would happily move back home to be closer to my family.

I didn’t have a father in law, my mother in law was awesome, we got along fabulously. My parents and partner never had much to do with each other

That is completely unfair. Not only should your husband be acknowledging your feelings he should be standing up to his parents for you! He knows they’re saying things that are rude and hurtful, he needs to help you, not leave you out for them to walk all over.

Some people just don’t know when to keep their opinions to themselves! You shouldn’t blame yourself over something that’s out of your control. Is it just this issue or are there lots more examples? I wonder if your husband just doesn’t realise you want to talk about it later or stand up for you. You may need to be a bit clearer or initiate the conversation. He may just be wanting to keep the peace with his parents as he knows they’re not going to change how they act and wants to avoid confrontation. Be honest with him and see where it goes.

I think you know in a way it’s nonsense what your in laws do as you say “Realistically their son contributed to half of the genetics”…. But the fact it hits you hard is because as you say ” I already blame myself as a parent for any little thing that goes wrong, from eye infections till brain damage of your son. Darling you need to stop with that. You’re not to blame for things that go wrong. I’m convinced you give your best in life and to your children. Besides that nobody is perfect and we all make mistakes, important to accept that of yourself too. Maybe your husband withdrew because he doesn’t know how to help you with this. I think it’s important to have an open chat with him and ask his help with this issue you’re struggling with. It may also be good to seek some help of a counselor or psychologist to help you with these deeper issues.