Hey there, I’m sorry you are dealing with so much – not only your toddler’s big emotions, but also your partner’s! To be honest, it sounds like your partner needs to regulate his own emotions and be calm. That sort of language is aggressive and highly inappropriate. It is natural for toddlers to have “tantrums” as they cannot regulate their emotions yet. Remaining calm and staying with them will go a long way, as well as helping name their emotion out loud and walking them through taking deep breaths or counting to 5 together to calm down. I’d suggest looking up some short videos or articles on toddlers and co-regulation and if possible, look at these resources together with your partner in terms of what you can both do to help your toddler through these times when their big emotions feel overwhelming.

Toddlers are going to chuck wobblies, they are figuring out their emotions and what boundaries they can push. Your child showing fear in their face when a parent approaches is not a good sign. If your husband is feeling tapped out, maybe you need to take over at that point. I really enjoyed the audiobook ‘no bad kids: toddler discipline without shame’.
Hopefully after you opened his room back up he was given some comfort and reassurance. We all have bad days, bad moments, and feel like it’s too much.

I wonder what time of day this is happening and what he has been doing or playing with prior. Some times this is kids not knowing how to wind down after being over stimulated. I would look at recording each time this happens and seeing what he was doing and possibly eating prior and this might help you narrow down why it is happening?