This is an incredibly hard place to be in, and it’s natural to feel torn between your own happiness and what’s best for your daughter. Moving would give you a fresh start, but there’s also the guilt of disrupting your daughter’s connection with her dad. It’s unfair that he dismisses therapy when it could help, but it sounds like you need support that validates your feelings. A counsellor could help you sort out your options, even if it’s just for yourself. You deserve to feel heard, and to create a life that brings peace for both you and your daughter.

Nearly 12 months later and I’m curious as to how your story is going. So many situations on here asking for help, but rarely do we hear of outcomes

There are some things you could try to do to help him to change. There are some great books out there that we read when we were having marital issues. Basically, some of the simple things were about acting really happy to see him when he gets home, telling him thank you for things that he does (i.e. say you’re really grateful for all the long hours he puts in to provide for you)- even if you think those things are basic things that are like common sense, even if it’s just he emptied the dishwasher, write a list of all the things that you like about him, compliment him, make a special dinner for when he gets home, plan date nights, do things as a couple. These are all things that can help the marriage. Of course, it may feel like “why should I have to do all the work?” The whole point of these exercises is so that he will start to remember why he fell in love with you and start to want to care more about you, etc.

If he won’t go to counselling, go yourself to clarify your feelings. It may help you make a decision.

It’s certainly a difficult situation. Just remember what attracted you to him in the first place, and why you fell in love with him. Children need both parents and moving away may have an impact on your daughter. She is now at an age where she will remember such a drastic change.

Being a FIFO worker isn’t easy, maybe try to understand that from his perspective he is away from his daughter for a week at a time and that is very difficult for a Dad. Imagine if you were separated from your daughter, how would you feel?

Yes, be happy with your life. Ask yourself what is it that would make you happy if you were to move away? Sometimes we think we’ll be happy elsewhere but that can be an illusion. Ask your family to visit you if you are missing your family.

There is nothing wrong with being financially dependent on your husband. Take an interest in your husband’s work, and maybe for two months, just be there for him, prioritise him when he’s home, don’t fight with him, and see if he responds to the kindness you show him.

What a confusing time for you when faced with such a big decision. You don’t have to rush the decision and only you know what is right for you.

I’m in a similar situation- pretty much live like mates, he makes over 3x my wage so financially life depends on him, and most importantly the kids. We fell pregnant 2 months into our relationship and i think our 10 years has surpassed what most ppl expected. At the end of the day we both LOVE the kids and cant bear to live part from them. Thats the priority. And our relationship works for us. not every relationship is ‘eternal love and intimacy’. I would stick it out and give it a red hot crack.

I understand how difficult your situation must be. Making choices while feeling pressured adds another layer of complexity. If in your position, I would focus on securing new employment prior to leaving. Remaining long-term in an unhappy relationship is not ideal for any party involved, including your daughter. You have a right to your own well-being and happiness.

While my children have grown and moved away, I am feeling your feelings. It’s such a big decision, I’ve been struggling with it for years. We aren’t compatible, there’s no intimacy (that’s on me, I’m just not attracted to him) he drinks a lot, he does nothing around the house, watches his ipad all day every day. I have so many whinges but I stay cos it’s easier then hurting others.

Trust your gut and also what I will say is that kids aren’t stupid and they will feel the tension between you two. I hope it works out for you xo

i feel so sorry for you and can feel your feelings. stay strong

I think if you re read that you have your answer, regardless of children it seems you’re not compatible so what are you staying for? Your child to be brought up in an unhappy marriage or you could both move on and show her how a loving family could be later on. Hope you have some support with whatever you choose.

This sounds like a very difficult situation. I do know from my own experiences though, that bottling up your feelings doesn’t help. It sounds like you both need some time to sort through things and see if you can make it work. See if a relative could watch your daughter for a weekend and unpack things together. There must be a reason that you got together in the first place. You need to revisit these things. Also, instead of dwelling on the negative things about him that are getting you down, focus on the things you like about him and make a list. When he does come home, make the effort to show you’re really happy to see him and thank him for any little thing he may do to help like the dishes, just tell him you really appreciate it with no ‘buts’. These are some tips I used when working through things. I read that he doesn’t want to see a counsellor, but it sounds like you need someone you can both talk to- is there a close friend?

I’m so sorry that this is your situation. No one should feel this way. First step would be to push counselling, both together and individual for yourself. If he won’t budge, still go yourself.
Unfortunately kids can pick up on these issues in a household, and it doesn’t do anything good for them to live amongst it. Sometimes staying for them is worse than leaving.

You shouldn’t stay for your daughter if it is not the right situation to be in. Your daughter looks up to you and watches everything you do so you need to be a role model and look after your best interests and if being in this situation is not right you need to correct it. Good luck

You need love and support and understanding. You are your child’s greatest role model so she needs to see you happy. I don’t agree to staying in a difficult relationship for children as they are little sponges and aware, even at a young age. I understand the financial issues, but please reach out to a counsellor yourself for some help and guidance.

Aw bless, sorry to hear you are so unhappy.
A pity your husband isn’t positive about counselling and is even happy for you to move back together with your daughter.
I think it’s important for you to make friendship, develop a hobby and maybe even get a part-time job in something that you like. Discover your strengths and when going together in counselling isn’t an option, you could start going by your own.

And moving away from him will help nothing

Your first problem is sociall isolation. Go to chirch, make friends, grt peanut, talk to old friends

Try to get some counselling together. I’m a big believer in working on things, but your marriage will only be successful if both of you try to make it better. If he’s not willing to, then maybe it is time to separate.