Struggling with Mr 9 - any tips?

Since the end of last year we have struggled with our sons behaviour. We are at our wits end and have no idea what to do now. We hace used grounding, taking away privileges, taking away toys, no visits from friends etc. We have sat and had “grown up” talks about everything, talked about what we want from him and let him express what he needs and wants. We have helped him list small goals to achieve to get the big things he wants and nothinf is helping. Yelling and screaming is just not enough anymore. Reasoning and grown up talks arent working. Goal setting and change your mindset posters arent helping. He continues to do what he isnt suppose to do eg come out of his room during grounding. Stealing food, lying, stirring his brother up and fighting, small incidents at school. This has all just came about randomly but its getting to the point where we have no idea what to do and things arent getting better

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- - Ellen said
  - 21 Jul 2022
    7:47 am
The power of positive praise, respond but don’t react
- - mom56312 said
  - 24 Jul 2016
    5:16 pm
There has to be a reason of why this has started up, is there something that has happened within the family, or at school? Is he been bullied at school or is he falling behind due to issues at school and feels he can not talk about it.. I would ask the gp to reffered to a psychologist on a medicare plan to help you get a correct diagnosis.. Our son sees one and it has taken time but has helped us so much… She has also won his trust so my can talk to here if he wants to..
- - mom67623 said
  - 15 Jul 2016
    8:07 am
From experience when my boys were young tried all the mesures you have menioned to no results,but in their later years foundpraise for the things they did do well seems to have made the change.Think and kow now from their own words as they are adults now tht those times and having good laugh together made a difference to them. No matter how small the good behaviour in honesty say how proud or how good it is. Treating them will respect creates rewards I know! Hope it works for you and that you reap the rewards of good times shared together, as they grow up so quickly.
- - mom90758 said
  - 14 Jul 2016
    6:39 pm
I would try to have a quiet conversation with him to try to understand what’s worrying him. Because there have must been something that brought him to this change. Going to talk to a psychologist could be another option. Maybe just you at the beginning and see what the psychologist thinks. Maybe he/she wants to meet your boy alone, or maybe he wants to meet the two of you together. It must be so terribly frustrating and tiring for you. I’m so sorry!!
- - mom176887 said
  - 14 Jul 2016
    2:31 pm
Sounds complicated. And like you’ve done lots of the right things. Have you talked to the teachers at school to see what they think? Is there a chance that he is pushing the boundaries for some reason you haven’t yet discovered (friend trouble / bullying / abuse from someone?)? I’d also see what is going on with his brother? Is he younger/older? Why the flare up now in their sibling-hood? Or maybe he is growing up and testing his ‘power’ against the adult world. You say “yelling and screaming are not enough anymore”. Did this ever work? . Definitely get some professional help if things don’t get better for you.
- - mom134803 said
  - 13 Jul 2016
    8:06 am
Think I would seek some professional help, there many good child psychologists out there.
There are ways you can get psychological help for kids for free by getting an ATAPS referral via a GP. You can google f for ATAPS in your area
Also I read from your story you’ve tried quite some disciplinary actions but have you tried the loving concerning caring approach ?
Also curious for how long is his behaviour going on ?
- - june11 said
  - 12 Jul 2016
    10:30 am
Have you tried talking to him at “his level”? He is a child and maybe he thinks you expect him to do what an adult does.
It would be very helpful to get some….. Professional advice…… on this situation and probably don’t know who to turn to.
Has there been a sudden change of routine, a death, accident or other sad “event” around that time? This behaviour can start at a younger age and get worse with time.