It sounds like you’ve been through a lot and are taking very intentional steps to build a future for you and your kids. Planning your exit while securing your finances and independence is both wise and incredibly brave. It’s clear you care deeply about maintaining stability for your children, and they’re fortunate to have a parent who is as thoughtful and resilient as you are.

In the meantime, focusing on small, empowering routines for yourself can help. Whether it’s connecting with a supportive friend, journaling, or finding moments in your day for things that feel grounding, these can give you strength and perspective. You might also consider speaking with a counselor or support group, it could offer you a safe space to process feelings and strategies as you prepare for this change.

I wonder how close you are to leaving? Is it still on the table or have you sorted things out? I’d love to know

It’s so easy for everyone to give their opinion but only you know how much longer you can stick with him and what you’re going through. I’d suggest trying to stick it out as long as you can if you want to get some time to save some money and give yourself a good chance when you leave.
I wish you all the best with whatever you decide to do.

If you’re going to stay any longer, make sure you gather records of his income, finances, and so on. That may help you after you leave.

You need to leave no matter how hard it is. I know you want to be independent and you can in time. If you need help, accept it. I think you should leave straight away without delay and not wait for a job opportunity that might pan out. You need to take better care of your health too and ween yourself off the drinking.

If he is abusive – leave immediately. There are payments to help with that sort of thing

Stay for as long as you can. The kids will never forgive you for leaving.

I’d suggest to get some additional support from a Counsellor that can help you unpack your feelings and provide additional coping strategies. You don’t have to tell your partner. They will be able to help you prepare for the separation and develop safety plans, if needed.

I went through this and still currently am I have 4 kids
I ended it because no matter how many time he said he’d change things never did and I don’t work currently as I’m a stay at home mum so that’s very difficult but
Don’t just stay I understand financially it’s working but don’t let this man keep controlling you on this you are an independent women who knows her worth

Leave as soon as you can. Do not wait! The quicker you are out of the situation the quicker your children will feel happier and getting help from your family will increase the ties with your children. Everyone needs some help and you deserve it now, you can always pay them back for any financial help received once you are in your better job. Some financial and emotional counselling would also be beneficial to you. Good luck – happiness for all of you is around the corner.

Firstly, proud of you for admitting you deserve more and creating a plan.
Children thrive in two happy homes opposed to one. They will be sensitive to your feelings right now and it will be more beneficial in the long run having a happy mum.

Start saving whatever you can now. If you cannot have a bank account, hide cash. Purchase gift cards whilst doing your normal groceries etc.
you know what he has done regarding child support previously, you can actually ask child support to do a full comprehensive check on him.

You sound like you have reached the end of your patience with him. You know that he won’t change because said he would before. If you have people you can turn to and will give you full support, then do it in your own time. You need to cut back on your drinking though so he can’t throw that in your face. The children will be happy to see the change in you.

I have no advice but to say well done for starting to take the first steps.

If you have people to support you, who will willingly support you, go to them. Don’t wait. It’ll be tough for everyone for a while, whether you go now or later. Bite the bullet

If you have the support, I wouldn’t be waiting that long just get it done so you can start living your life with your babies, happy. Also use this time to stop the alcohol and focus on building back a great life with your kidlets. Good luck

Take your children with you, lest he do what my son-in-law did to my daughter for Derk took charge of the children when Michelle went away for a weekend, and he changed the locks and wouldn’t let her in. i had to ring and beg him for her clothes. It’s been six months and he’s only just now letting he have the kids for half the holidays. I hope you have a better experience than my daughter, Michelle has.

Reaching out to support services can be of assistance.

While preparing try to get help with your drinking too. Maybe counseling would help you both

It sounds like it would be more beneficial for you to leave now rather than later. 12-18 months is a long time to stay in an unhappy and unhealthy relationship. There is support out there. You already have support from your family by the sounds of it. The fact that you are drinking more than you would like in order to cope indicates how bad it is for you. Its time for you to have your happy life back.

I have never been in your shoes before but i know for myself, i would not be waiting. The fact that you have already given him another chance and he hasn’t changed. I highly recommend leaving soon especially if you have the support of family. Maybe it is time to leave before your start your new career? Good luck and remember to do what is right for you and your kids, you only live once and should not be having to deal with this.