My parents told me that my Grandfather had gone on holiday. That was when I was 4. I never said anything to anyone but I had worked out that I must have angered him because he didnt come home for Christmas and when it came around to my 5th birthday he didnt even send a card. When I was aged 12 my Gran got upset with me for always sitting on the doorstep and blocking her way in and out. She asked why i always did that and I told her that it was the best place to see up the street and I was waiting for Granddad to come home. She was shocked and thats when I was told that he had actually passed away.

Always be honest with your kids over someones passing.

Some good points here, thank you for posting this article.

I think with all things like this, teaching kids that death is part of the natural process of life is important. Shielding them or teaching them weird fantasy stuff to make up for these things is going to cause emotional turmoil when they are older. These tips are a great start.

Great tips. Another one I would add is don’t hide your tears for your kids when a loved one becomes terminal ill and dies.
Yes, we had funerals for our pets.
I lost my sister 8 years ago due to kidney cancer. My kids saw me crying when she became very ill and we cried together. We were able to see her twice in the half year before she died (she lived in the UK) and we traveled back to the UK for her funeral. A sad period.

I lost my father early this year. It surprised me that my youngest child, my son aged 7 took it the hardest. He didn’t want to be separated from me and would fake being sick to stay home and make an amazing recovery, he kept talking about missing his grandpa and would just talk about him all the time. I ended up putting two and two together. We had long chats and I think only now, he has come to terms with it all.

My son has experienced the death of close friends and elderly family members. We’ve just been honest with him and considerate of his feelings, showing our emotions and explaining it’s okay for him to feel what he does.

Communication is key at difficult times like these.

When my boys were young we lost our much loved cat. We made a burial site in the backyard and all stood around saying our goodbyes. They were both included and I do think it was the best thing we could have done with them.

We’ve not lost pets yet in my son’s life, however, we have lost family and friends. My son, at 15, has now attended about 4 funerals – 2 just a fortnight ago. He does not attend every funeral that we do, but we talk through what has happened and discuss whether or not we/he feels it’s appropriate to attend. I’m very mindful that he needs to grieve and experience the celebration of life that a funeral provides too. It’s super important to follow-up and check in with him after all that is done. He also gets to see that it’s okay for his Dad to cry and if he feels the need, he can too. Funerals and death are part of life, but it’s important that we’re mindful of how our children experience them.

Death is a very complex issue .. sure you can explain that gran dad/ma lived a long life but sickness and age took it’s toll and it was time to go but it’s a very different matter altogether when a young child has passed and you need to explain it.
All these wonderful tips are needed and one important one more : be there always whether it be a day, a week, a month, or a year or years ..be there for a talk, comfort, a shoulder or cuddle when needed.

Last year, two grandparents died. My children went to the funeral of one. For a month after, my eldest talked about funerals which strangers thought was perverse. But she was just processing the information aloud.

tell them that it’s ok to feel many different feelings and to not be sure what they feel. talk to them and be there

It’s hard to explain, but provided you give an example like the grandmother did then the child can compare it with something he/she knows about and is more comfortable. A greater explanation can be given when a child is old enough to understand it.

It isn’t near as common as peanuts but do you realise that you can have the same allergic reaction with almond or other nuts. I have no wish to witness another situation with almonds, certainly not with a baby.

Good advice. Sometimes the adults get so overwhelmed with the emotion that they forget to put things into child friendly language or avoid the subject with the children all together.

I think children are able to understand death if it is explained to them in age appropriate language. It is also important to let them know that they can talk about it and ask questions whenever they need to.

A 3 year old I know lost her foster uncle. Her parents didn’t want to tell some elderly relatives on the phone so they left Miss 3 y.o. with her Grandma from the other side with the family. Grandma was surprised when she asked why people die. On the spur of the moment Grnadma told her that everybody and everything gets old and dies. Missy had seen Grandma cut off dead flowers so she was able to say to her did she remember that the flowers died and she had watched her cut them off and bury them in the compost bin. She warned the parents that she had to give an answer on the spur of the moment and the answer she had given.

Funny I should come across this today, as as my dad and our family cat both passed away this week. I thought it would be best to talk openly about it with my 3 year old. We also picked a beautiful spot and read out some poetry, told stories about them both and then let off some balloons. I think the ceremonial aspect is really nice for children and adults to experience together.

We’ve found it hard to explain their brothers’ death to our kids – it happened before they were born.

I think acknowledging their feelings is vital to their healing.