Life is too short to deal with toxic people.

My mother I no longer speak to, so much easier and less draining on my energy not having her around. I feel so sorry for this mum going through this as it’s horrible and the only right thing to do is what your head and heart tell you to do for yourself. For me easier to not have my mother in my life but that doesn’t always work for others.

Just so much sounds like my relationship with my mother – and my brother couldn’t do anything wrong in her eyes. I was fortunate growing up that my dad and I were best friends, so mum didn’t matter much to me but after dad died, she suddenly wanted to be best friends and I couldn’t accommodate her – left me feeling gutted for a very long time.
You cannot avoid the problems and trying to do something about it only seems to make it worse – I feel for you and wish you all the best in your future relationships with her.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BrHTE–jMfQ

Yup now I learned it is called a narcissitic mother (it could be a dad, a husband or even the own mother) no empathy no awareness of others needs not abel to love you it is all about them. She is almost 90 but it only revolves about her, her hapiness, her needs, her favorite kids, grand kids (mainly boys). you are only of interest as long as you are there to be used by her to fulfil her demands or needs. You are always to blame when things do not go her way or when things go wrong of course it is never her fault always others are to blame. i have talked with many friends many have such a mother. Very sad I feel even my existance alone is not welcomed because as her first child I did not turn out to be a boy she has “unconciously?” rejected me all her life letting me feel I am not welcome. She mistrusts me blames me to have stolen whatever….. irrational but that is this narcissistic personality disorder which is incurable. I have learned to put up with her ignore her attacks and assaults with false acusations… it is sad I never can make her thanksful or appreciative of me really it is only an act or a mask she puts on. She also gives me the silent treatment when she thinks I have done something which is not true it is all in her mind. She alone of course is always right always the perfect mother/wife/person although it is not so..this is self deception to make herself feel better all the other women (daughters, daughter is law of course a so bad).

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  • • Ellen replied
    • 21 Sep 2020 , 8:04 am

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  Bless you, that is very sad ! Amazing that you have learned to put up with her and that you can ignore her attacks and assaults. A narcistic personality disorder is not a pretty disorder indeed. You’re right it is not curable, but sometimes therapy may help; that is of course when the person themselves suffer from the disorder and are motivated to look into their behaviour patterns.

I never thought of it as a toxic relationship but this does sound a bit like my Mother was with me. My brother could never do anything wrong though. I still loved her though and we did make peace before she passed away

I’ve never heard it said that way before – toxic mother. My mum and I argue a lot, but we still love each other lots. As I grow up and with my kids around I’m trying to make an effort to not get angry at the littlest things that bug me. Point is, I want her in my life even though she can be over bearing and controlling. I just have to learn to control my actions, because I can’t control those of others.

This could have been me. I’ve just learnt recently that my Mother is toxic. It’s taken me such a long time. And it came from first removing a toxic sister from my life, to realise that my Mother was toxi too — and they were so similar. It has been hard, such a struggle, exhausting physically and mentally, brutal at times, but through therapy (for nearly 3 years), I am in a good place. I’ve set boundaries, moved house, and made the break. Our interactions now are short and sweet and I no longer let her get to me. I now have the power, not my Mum.

Know your limit when talking and be mindful when using words.

I haven’t spoken to my mum in more than 7 years! She wasn’t controlling but there were other issues. It was easier for me as my parents were divorced, whereas some wouldn’t be able to without not seeing the other parent. I feel for people who are trapped.

Oh boy! My MIL and SIL…I just don’t understand it! Why anybody enjoys causing such issues, trouble and disrespect instead of just living a peaceful life is so beyond me!!! Disgusting!!!

This makes me appreciate my mum so much!

I don’t have a toxic relationship with my parents but they were certainly controlling, especially my mum. I left home when I was 17 and battled for a long time to spread my wings because they would still try to control from a distance for a long time. A lot had to do with my parents own upbringing which was far worse. After we all left home my parents have changed and grown a lot and I respect and love them dearly.

She needs to stand up to her mother, I did explained its my house and we all treat each other with respect. If she cant do that she isnt welcome. She came around but it is a strained relationship at times. My boys arent really close to her because of the way she treated me.

I had/have a toxic mother, apparently she is still alive living no more than 20 minutes away but yet have not see her for 20 years. She was demanding of my father, brother and myself…nothing I did was ever good enough, the way I dressed, cooked, cared for my son. She threw my father out, us children had left many years prior. My father was my world and my sons. After they separated I did the right thing and went to visit with my son then he was 11, she just wanted him to mow the lawn, clean the pool …..no love there. She ridiculed my father to me and my son so I decided I did not want my son in that environment so cut contact. The end. My sone now 32 lives happily in Vancouver and is Director of IT in a great company. Living the dream! I miss him dearly, but am blessed as we are close. ❤️

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  • • Ellen replied
    • 08 Sep 2020 , 7:40 am

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  Bless you !

This is the second post of yours that I have read where you talk about the relationship that you have with your mother. It would be really great if you could get some counselling to help you take some control in this relationship. She isn’t good for your well being.

Aww this is awful. My mum passed away just over a year ago from cancer and I miss her so much

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  • • Ellen replied
    • 08 Sep 2020 , 7:41 am

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  Yes it’s sad. Sorry to hear your mum passed away and you miss her so much.

I came from a toxic family with a narssacistic mother and a father who worshipped the ground she walked a on and a golden son younger brother. I realised very early and spent my early years trying to make up for what I didn’t know but I was always left feeling inadequate in everything I did . I later realised that it wouldnt matter what I did it would never be acceptable so I finished high school a m d left home at 15 . It wasn’t until my brother and I both had children that i realised that this trend had been passed onto the children and I made the decision to not allow this to happen to my children and didn’t speak to my family and when my mother died I felt no sorrow,no joy and no relief just nothing but I see my father every 6mths or so and have reintroduced him to his grandchildren and great grandchildren but we arent close and never will be . I love all my children and grandchildren unconditionally and made sure I was the parent my parents never were

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  • • Ellen replied
    • 08 Sep 2020 , 7:49 am

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  Good on you to step away from it and not allowing this to happen to your own children.

Fortunately, we don’t suffer from any toxic relationships … must be so hard ….

Most people I know have a toxic relationship with their family. I’m lucky in that all of mine are great.