How to raise an emotionally intelligent child

Emotional intelligence, being able to understand our own emotions and those of other people, is an important skill.

“We use our emotional intelligence to take care of ourselves, to build strong relationships, to manage workplace conflicts, and to make choices that support our own emotional wellbeing.”

You can foster your child’s emotional intelligence by:

Name the emotion. Talk about and name emotions in daily life. If your child is feeling sad, or angry, or happy then reflect that back to them, ‘Are you feeling sad?’ You can also talk about the emotions of characters in books or on television shows. For example, you could pause as you read your child’s favourite story and ask, ‘What do you think she’s feeling?’
Make your home into an accepting space for emotions. This doesn’t mean that you can’t set limits on how emotions are expressed. It just means that you accept the emotions themselves: all feelings and wishes are allowed. Just as it is difficult for a child to learn to ride a bike if practising riding a bike is not allowed, it is hard to learn more about emotions if emotions are always met with disapproval.
Let go of what you think your child should feel. Reflect back to your child what they are actually feeling. For example, if your child is angry at their brother then it is not the right time to remind them that they love their brother. Sure, they do, but right now they are feeling anger. When parents reflect back to children what they think they should be feeling rather than what they actually feel it can be very confusing. Consider how confusing it would be if you regularly insisted that buses were trains!
Set realistic goals for emotional expression. Help your child to find appropriate ways to express their emotions that are realistic for them. Remember, what they can do right now is probably not perfect but it may be an improvement.
Don’t forget about positive emotions. Emotional intelligence isn’t just about unpleasant emotions like sadness or anger. You need to do all of the above with positive emotions like excitement or joy as well.

By fostering your child’s emotional intelligence you will have given your child an important set of skills that will lead to success in the classroom, the workplace, in friendships and relationships.

60 Comments

- - indol185 said
  - 01 May 2014
    9:45 pm
Great tips, thanks

- - mikiajai said
  - 01 May 2014
    9:33 pm
We have just gone through a tough family loss and had counselling with the kids and talking about what their perception of each emotion was very different to how us as adults perceive it, so talking about emotions help kids understand how they are feeling and how to express the correct feelings.

- - eenimeeni said
  - 01 May 2014
    9:31 pm
I recently attended a Protective Behaviours night at my son’s school and I bought a poster by “Protecting Kids is our Game” which has 30 different emotions with facial expressions and the word below it. Fantastic for helping my kids accurately show me what emotion they are experiencing and has saved a lot of frustration on both sides

- - deangunna said
  - 01 May 2014
    8:21 pm
An interesting take on parenting.

- - gemair said
  - 01 May 2014
    7:24 pm
really good reminder, sometimes I feel we think they shouldnt get angry or upset, but really they are people.

- - bare-essentials_melissa said
  - 01 May 2014
    4:18 pm
What a great article, sometimes we all forget that a child is just a child and expect them to act a certain way.

- - sweetbell said
  - 01 May 2014
    3:43 pm
Some very good points it was a great article thanks for getting it out there to all mums.

- - amsies said
  - 01 May 2014
    3:05 pm
Emotional intelligence is such a valuable thing to nurture- thanks for the info

- - mouse said
  - 01 May 2014
    2:51 pm
A VERY INTERESTING READ , THANK YOU

- - mal_005 said
  - 01 May 2014
    12:27 pm
I try very hard to do this with my toddler. We grew up being told to deal with it or get over it. I must admit I can be very awkward around people who display a lot of emotion. My parents did their best but I would love my daughter to be able to understand and deal with her emotions much better then I can.

- - maureen3 said
  - 01 May 2014
    11:58 am
An informative and interesting article

- - amandaks said
  - 01 May 2014
    11:42 am
These are some good points. We’re not quite at that stage with my oldest but we will be very soon, so this was a good article, thank you.

- - zenbart said
  - 01 May 2014
    11:22 am
This is one important thing I have incorporated with my kids. I had it with my parents and that was the best thing. I remember my dad saying raising kids are like raising parents, both are learning from each other and the best way to deal with it is to be open to each other. And everything will go well.In fact it went very well. Thank you for sharing it.

- - 5beautboys said
  - 01 May 2014
    11:09 am
Absolutely. I too sit down (from very young ages) with all my 5 boys are we talk about feelings as they come and go. I think it all depends on us as parents to help our kids understand and vice versa. I learn a lot from them too

- - shareem said
  - 01 May 2014
    10:38 am
A good read. Being resilient in our family is important and these tips will help to achieve that.

- - rhino333 said
  - 01 May 2014
    10:34 am
what a great article. will definitely have to start doing these at home

- - tammykilby said
  - 01 May 2014
    9:33 am
What a great topic to talk about I have never thought to look at some things in the way u explained but it does make sense, I will now be trying to do this with my kids.

- - kathryn said
  - 01 May 2014
    9:23 am
I couldn’t agree more – emotional intelligence is very important. We talk about emotions in our house a lot with our two year old so I am glad to see that is something that assists in fostering emotional intelligence.