'I Didn't Let My Mum Cut My Baby's Umbilical Cord, And She Won't Forgive Me'

A mum says her relationship with her own mother has soured, after a birthing suite drama that resulted in an argument over who should cut her newborn’s umbilical cord.

The 29 year-old woman says she gave birth to her daughter two weeks ago, and while she and her husband are still in the newborn bubble, the drama with her mum has caused some heartache.

“My husband and I were already parents to our wonderful three-year-old son, and when I went into labour, my husband and I had agreed with his parents that they would take our boy,” she explained.

“My MIL and FIL have a very close relationship with our son, so he was thrilled at the idea of a sleepover with the two of them.

“Unfortunately, on his way home from their house, my husband was in a car accident. We were all very lucky that it was not worse, but my labour was progressing rapidly and I needed to go to the hospital. Ultimately it was decided that my best option was for my mum, 57, to take me to the hospital and my husband to meet us there when he could. Obviously the birth was a priority for him, and I do not for one second believe that he was dawdling at the accident or trying to take his sweet time.”

Her labour progressed faster than with her first baby, and with her husband still not at the hospital, she had to make the decision for her mum to be her support person during the birth.

“Given that my mum became my support person, she was given a copy of my birth plan which included my husband cutting the umbilical cord. This was something he did with our first, and he would have liked to do again. However, given that it was now my mum with me, I really didn’t want her to have that role.

“I can’t tell you a specific reason why not, it just felt too intimate and like it was her baby. When it came time, I asked that the doctor please cut the cord, despite my mum offering. To be honest, she was all ready to do it by the time I asked the doctor that he do it, and my mum was quite taken aback.

“In the moment, she asked me why and said I had written in the birth plan that my support person do it and she was now my support person. I told her no, and it had been cut before she could get any further with her argument.

“Thankfully our baby was born without any issues, and my husband was able to arrive in time to hold her. To be honest, I also didn’t want my mum to hold her before my husband, so I did not let go of her until my husband walked into the room. I just wanted him to have all of those experiences, not my mum.

“Now, we have had a little while to adjust having our newest little one, but my mum won’t let this go.”

“She always moans that she was excluded from a more involved role despite being there for me when my husband couldn’t, and she will never have a chance to make those memories again.

“She is upset about the fact that I have ‘double standards’ for her and my husband, and says that this experience will throw a spanner in her building a meaningful relationship with her grandchild. Was I the a**hole?”

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35 Comments

- - ~Loui~ said
  - 09 Nov 2023
    4:18 am
What an immature and selfish attitude from the Mum. She needs to take a step back and feel honoured to be there at all.

- - mom443421 said
  - 07 Nov 2023
    11:11 am
Wow. My mother and MIL would never have assumed I’d let them do this, she’s lucky she was in the room!

- - mom462038 said
  - 02 Nov 2023
    12:18 pm
I didn’t even have my mum or Mil in the delivery room. I didn’t even consider having anyone other then my partner. Bit rough not letting her hold bub til after hubby, but seriously doubt it will impact the relationship tween your mum and bub……unless she let’s it ????

- - BellaB said
  - 02 Nov 2023
    9:29 am
It’s entirely fair to prioritise your husband in this situation. Tell her to get over it.

- - mum300445 said
  - 31 Oct 2023
    2:44 am
It’s a shame sharing a special moment of the birth of her grandchild has turned into this. Shame the grandmother can’t be thankful of the experience she had regardless of the cord cutting situation.

- - Ellen said
  - 30 Oct 2023
    5:10 am
Any mother that would use this situation against her daughter doesn’t help her case; that what she wants (a close bond with daughter & grand daughter) is less likely to happen because of her attitude which is like emotional blackmail.

- - meedee said
  - 29 Oct 2023
    8:56 am
I think she is being overly dramatic. I would say that most grandparents dont get to cut the cord and they all seem to have wonderful relationships with their grandchildren. She was very lucky to even be there.
If I was you I would try very hard not to get emotional with her and simply say that its sad that she feels that her relationship with this grandchild will be impacted and you would have thought it would be stronger as she was actually there where she wasnt for the first one. But you can help how you feel and as long as she never says anything to the child you feel that he will be fine as he does have another set of grandparents that can and do love him equally.
Just leave her to her dramatic stance and dont argue with her as its done and nothing can change it.

- - MandaMags said
  - 28 Oct 2023
    8:00 pm
Your mum should understand how you’re feeling and respect that you have your reasons for doing what you did. It is a special moment in life and sharing with your husband is very important. Hopefully your mum will let it go as she still is you mum and the grandmother of the child.

- - mom101628 said
  - 28 Oct 2023
    3:37 pm
I do hope all this blows over for you. In fact if she looks back to the time when she had you, I’ll bet she wasn’t even offered the chance of someone else in the room during the birth. You might talk about this with her so she will come to her senses and stop the feud. Do hope it all ends well.

- - tessie said
  - 28 Oct 2023
    2:05 pm
I think your Mother is in the wrong. Just because she was your support person, doesn’t mean she had the right to do everything your husband was supposed to do. Hopefully she will come around in time and realise that you didn’t mean anything against her by not allowing her to cut the cord. If so, then she will just have to get over it. I’m sorry if I sound mean against your Mum but I wouldn’t have even let my Mum into the birth, let alone cut the cord and get the first cuddle.

- - mom450498 said
  - 27 Oct 2023
    9:51 pm
Absolutely nothing wrong with what you did. Of course there are different standards for your husband. He’s your husband and she isn’t. If she thinks cutting the cord impacts the relationship with her grandchild then I think she needs to reflect on that a bit.

- - mom486400 said
  - 27 Oct 2023
    6:31 pm
It’s not her baby to make the decision to cut the umbilical cord. I hope the MIL can lay this aside and enjoy her grandchild.

- - Frankiielot said
  - 26 Oct 2023
    10:26 pm
Hopefully things between you guys are better now.
I think I could survive without my mum! But everyone’s relationship with their mum is different.

- - mom265671 said
  - 26 Oct 2023
    9:49 pm
She just needs to get over it. Its your birth and ultimately your choice! No one should make you feel bad

- - mom223151 said
  - 26 Oct 2023
    9:06 pm
Her mother just needs to enjoy every moment she has with her grandchildren and not dwell on the past. She honestly needs to grow up and be grateful she has enjoyed precious moments.

- - Mum.of.2. said
  - 26 Oct 2023
    8:41 pm
Your decision. How amazing that she was able to be there to witness the birth!! She should’ve respected her daughters wishes about the cord.
- Ellen replied
  
  27 Oct 2023 , 8:58 am
  It’s kind of sad that grandma places her own need of importance above the needs of herdaughter & son in law
- - mom489452 said
  - 26 Oct 2023
    8:27 pm
What an old Cow who is she to say anything about this tell her to get treated for Mad Cow go chew some grass and grow up.

- - sars_angelchik said
  - 26 Oct 2023
    5:22 pm
At the end of the day birth plans, etc mean very little in terms of a whole life. It’s silly to dwell on these things when they’ll hardly be thought of later and the baby won’t know why different.
- mom93821 replied
  
  27 Oct 2023 , 4:40 am
  I agree; the baby will not know and will not care and building a relationship is much deeper than cutting a cord.
- - cassy26 said
  - 26 Oct 2023
    2:42 pm
Why would that affect a meaningful relationship with her granddaughter? She wasn’t going to be there at all would she still have had a meaningful relationship with her then? Makes no sense to me……

- - mom486197 said
  - 26 Oct 2023
    12:07 pm
I don’t know what to say other than what a ridiculous thing to say, why does the grandma think it is ok to behave this way. I sure she had her own opinion when she had her daughter. I would hate to be in this situation.