My husband had agreed to talk to his father about his unacceptable behaviour regarding the way he had treated me on Christmas Day- instead of continuing to pass it off as just how his dad behaves when he’s supposedly drunk.

All he needed was the perfect moment- and he felt that would be straight after the festive season had passed.

Sadly on New Years Day my husband’s uncle passed away suddenly and unexpectedly.

Of course I empathise with how devastating and unfortunate these circumstances are. My husband’s uncle was a lovely man who will be deeply missed. However at the same time as mourning his loss, I am also weighed down heavily by the sadness of what appears to be a completely missed opportunity.

Instead of having the talk with his dad at a later date, it looks as though my hubby wants to scrap the idea entirely now. “Don’t say anything nice about my father when he dies” my hubby said as he fought back tears when I brought up the topic of the talk. I wasn’t even saying anything unkind about his dad- just that I would prefer that he didn’t visit until some clear boundaries were set (not necessarily ‘boundaries’ as such, but just reminding him of basic human decency).

With the unfortunate loss of my husband’s uncle, his dad has an even stronger hold over him now. My father-in-law is claiming to only have five years left to live (with no medical reasoning whatsoever) which my husband is now even more inclined to believe.

So where to from here? This plot twist has got me completely stumped. And implementing any new rules at this time appears challenging to say the least. His parents only live down the road and are extremely present in our lives…

My feeling is that I’d prefer no visitors who are supposedly too intoxicated to be decent. What I am up against are people who believe that I am not worthy of anything different.

Is there a common meeting ground? Especially when dealing with people from a strong cultural standpoint.

I agree that now possibly isn’t the best time to bring this up with his dad, and I do feel awfully selfish for still having this on my mind- but when will we ever be able to have this discussion- or do I just need to brace myself for the next round and take it up from there?

Thank you lovely Mouths of Mums Community in advance for your insight xx

Posted by someonesmother, 7th January 2021

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