Dear Human who uses alcohol as a ruse to be abusive:
You are a COWARD!
I do not for a moment believe that it’s the alcohol that causes you to be nasty repeatedly – it’s you, it’s just YOU! This is how you really are to the core, you are expressing how you genuinely feel and using alcohol as nothing but a cloak to be able to get away with your unforgivable behaviour time after time!
Are They Drunk Or Just Abusive?
If you’ve ever been on the receiving end of someone’s alcohol-fuelled abuse you will know exactly how unpleasant their nastiness can be. But in all honesty – how can you tell the difference between whether they are genuinely intoxicated or just abusing you in a cowardly way?
He Gets Away With It!
My father-in-law is fortunate enough to be able to abuse me whilst supposedly under the influence – and get away with it each and every damn time!
I hate it. I hate the feeling of knowing that I’m going to be on the receiving end of unacceptable cruelty. That I will be forced to listen to all the nastiness just because he’s been drinking again!
Why should I be expected to tolerate it? Why should anyone be obligated to accept vile behaviour simply because the other person has supposedly had too much to drink?
Using Drunkeness As An Excuse
What if they haven’t? What if they are merely claiming to have overindulged on alcohol when in actuality they have not- and they are just using the opportunity to tell you how they really feel?
I detest it when my father-in-law ruins special occasions by speaking badly to me – but none more than each time he destroys Christmas Day for me.
It feels awful to have slaved away all day to host two separate parties, one for my family and another for my husband’s in the space of a day – only to receive abuse for the entire time that my father-in-law is at our home.
What feels even worse is that even if he doesn’t use alcohol as his excuse, he will use age or culture as his justification – or everyone else around him uses that excuse to make the situation seem more acceptable on his behalf.
“He’s Been Drinking!”
“I’m sorry about my dad” my husband gently says once his parents leave our home after what is usually supposed to be a celebration. “He’s been drinking” my hubby adds. Drinking? Really? When? Where? How much has he had? Because he most certainly didn’t get plastered at our house.
Admittedly accidents do happen whilst under the influence. People occasionally fall pregnant whilst intoxicated in a moment of passion. Or worse they could get behind a wheel and take a life rather than creating one. Of course, I can empathise with the fact that awful decisions are often made whilst drunk. But why does anyone have to put up with abuse from a person claiming to be intoxicated repeatedly?
Hide Behind Intoxication
Why can’t people just be honest and tell others how they feel whilst sober? Why do they feel the need to hide and moreover why do we allow them to get away with it?
Being under the influence is just the first excuse I’m expected to accept- then there’s the classical line that my father in law only has five years left to live. This diagnosis isn’t medical, in fact he has no terminal illness. He simply uses this ‘expiration’ timeframe as a way of manipulating people into doing exactly what he wants.
If you are the type of person to do this to other people just to get your message across, then I want you to know that the person you are constantly abusing sees straight through your facade.
My Children Have To See It!
Do you know what the worst part is for me? Not that I can’t slap this man out of his nastiness. But that my children have to watch me endure the toxic behaviour. They in turn are taught to believe that people have to accept this cruelty from someone claiming to be intoxicated.
Society makes allowances constantly though. Just look at our legal system and everything you can get away with whilst drunk!
Look, I get it, nobody’s perfect. Addictions are real. Everybody involved with someone who has an addiction problem suffers- even indirectly- although I highly doubt that my father-in-law is an alcoholic.
This Is NOT Normal!
I just don’t want my children growing up believing that this is normal. I don’t want them to feel like they have no choice but to tolerate abuse because their abuser is under the influence. I don’t want them to have to accept excuses. And it is soul destroying to know that they have to watch as it happens to their own mother.
I’d Tell Him To Leave…If Only I Could…
If I were a working provider for my household I would ask my father-in-law to leave my home the second he became abusive- and it saddens me that this is what it would take for me to have some say in the matter. That it would take me ‘being somebody’, holding down a recognisable job, just to be able to save myself the heartache and embarrassment.
I don’t want that for any of my children. Realistically I don’t want that for anyone. I want people to feel safe as that is a basic human right. And although drinking excessively is within people’s rights also- abusing another person isn’t alright! Not ever! No matter the age or the culture or how long left they have to live- it is never acceptable to be abusive!
That’s what I want my children to know. But they aren’t going to believe it until I show them that I won’t tolerate it. I may not have enough footing to be able to ask their grandfather to please leave my premises when he is too drunk to be decent. But I most certainly don’t have to sit there and cop the abuse just so that I don’t offend my in-laws by walking away!
You may not be able to prove whether a person’s nasty words are merely just alcohol induced or if it’s how they genuinely feel- but you most certainly don’t have to stay there and listen to it no matter how rude they say you are for leaving.
What advice would you give to this mum? Have you ever been in an abusive situation similar to this? Tell us in the comments below.