September 7, 2018


This is my face after 34 years on the planet thinking I had to be boring and fit in, shares mum of two Kat Abianac.

I learned that was what I needed to do (mostly) after being diagnosed with all sorts of things from the age of 4 onwards.

ADHD. Gifted and talented. Trichotillomania. Anxiety induced OCD. Anger issues. Regular panic. Doesn’t understand the humans. Behavioural problems. Randomly kicks doors in. Poor attention span. Lazy. Hyperfocused. Reads too much. Doesn’t do schoolwork. Either doesn’t get along with the real life humans or gets along with them unequivocally regardless of their behaviour. Brings out the ‘best’ in bullies then gives double what she gets. Reads 300 books for MS Readathon while failing most high school classes after entering as a straight A primary student.

Turns out I’m autistic.

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Not ‘just’ autistic like ‘everyone’s a bit autistic’ yeah no they’re not.

Actual autistic that I’m super stoked about because it explains so much about who I was, who I am and who I’ll be.

Isn’t that a win?

So for those of you who know me and think well yeah but that’s you but the autism I see is different..

I got diagnosed at 34. THIRTY FOUR.

Don’t assume you knew what my childhood was like. Or my teenage years. Don’t assume ANY of my journey. I’ve never spoken about it.

Celebrate your daughter’s diagnosis. Ask more questions. Take her to the right specialists. Ignore the many, many ignorant people who will try and ‘reassure you’ the girl is normal.

Last week I was told by a ‘friend’ there’s no way on God’s green earth I’m autistic and any doctor who would diagnose me was a quack and it wasn’t worth the paper it was written on. (This was just before I was assessed.. and I’m not someone people generally find it ok to talk smack to.)

Imagine what your undiagnosed daughter will be told as she starts to try exploring this minefield unsupported and alone. Go and help her. Or get yourself diagnosed.

Every girl diagnosed young is another woman who doesn’t have to question her fundamental DNA for many years.

This blog is the best thing I’ve ever read, and it led me to getting diagnosed. (Aspergers Traits (Women, Females, Girls)

What does this mean for my family? It means I’ll have better methods to cope with complex emotions and experience less insomnia and panic.

What does this mean for my business? It means I’m already booking in workshops to reconnect with people after months of isolation.

What does this mean for my marketing business? Well nothing. My clients are amazing and pretty sure they don’t care about much that goes on with me other than their results.

What does this mean for my friends? It means I’ll be boundary setting harder than ever.

I hope you choose to come with me on a path of exploring more deeply what this means for my life, knowing myself and how I can show up and serve you best in all I do.

Thankyou for following me and believing in me when I never understood why, and still don’t really.

I feel I have carved out my own little niche right here- a judgement free platform where we lift everyone as we rise, and I love you for it.

This post originally appeared on Kat Abianac FB and has been shared with full permission.

We recently shared a post from The Conversation, “Girls have ADHD too – but here’s why we may be missing them”.  Read all about it here.

Share your comments below.

  • I have an old school friend who wasn’t diagnosed with autism until she was taking her son for tests. She says it’s the best thing knowing why she is as she is, even at age 51. I sometimes wonder if I might be on the spectrum somewhere too


  • Diagnosed at 34! So interesting – I thought early intervention is essential however she has managed herself well – guess we all adjust to our circumstances


  • Some people with Aspergers don’t feel pain at all. My neighbour has a granddaughter who has Aspergers. She fell off the top of playground equipment at school and broke her arm. Her teacher noticed it was out of shape and swelling very quickly. Another time she fell over while playing netball and skun patches of skin off both her knees. They bled and had to be covered. She didn’t even realise she had hurt herself. As a result they did some tests – not enough to injure her- and discovered she doesn’t feel pain at all. Her parents have been given a letter and have given the school and other places she goes.


  • Unless you push and ask questions you may never know why you feel different. Hopefully now knowing this she can push ahead and get some help or just be glad she knows.


  • I hope her diagnosis gives her lots of strategies and support processes.


  • Great article. I read the Aspergers blog quoted in the article. Such a complex thing that could easily be misdiagnosed or overlooked!


  • I love this article – thanks for sharing – important for so many women and resonates with many I am sure.


  • Diagnosis can indeed help to understand things (bring the puzzle pieces into place) and give directions on how to treat things.

    • But a pity that proper diagnosis is such a lengthy and complex thing and can delay the right treatment for so many.


  • Once you have a diagnosis you can work to counteract the bad things and make the good things even better.


  • Its great after all this time you have an answer.


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