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Article My children just won’t listen to me!

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Following are some tips to help you when your children just won’t listen to your instructions

1. Give your instructions simply
To get children to tune into what you have to say we need to follow the advice of successful advertisers. You’ve only got a few seconds – say the headline only. Coca-Cola doesn’t say, we think you’ll like Coca-Cola, it is black and fizzy, it was developed by scientists in Germany for medicinal purposes etc. etc. They say: Coca-Cola is the best drink, buy it now! When a child is misbehaving you’re lucky to get their attention at all, so don’t push it by trying to explain WHY they have to change what they are doing. They won’t be listening. You will be wasting oxygen and words.

Teaching, or filling in the ‘why’ is for later when everyone is calm and not misbehaving.

2. Give instructions once only
Giving instructions once, is about being assertive and in charge, repeating yourself actually puts the child in charge. It tells them that you have got nothing else but to keep repeating yourself.

3. Give instructions clearly
Giving the instruction clearly is about telling the child what you want them to do. We often tell children what we don’t want them to do, which is too abstract for a child who is misbehaving. Children change their behaviour more easily through replacement not erasure. It is too much to expect them to just stop behaviour without giving them something to replace it with. E.g. Instead of, “Stop running in the house!!” say, “Sam, walk in the house. Thank-you.”
Remember: Say thank-you at the end of the instruction, not please or ‘O.K?’  Saying thank you is polite and sends the message that you expect it to happen. It stops you from raising your voice at the end, which changes your clear directive into a question.

Children are clever, if you ask them a question – they know they have the right to answer either way!

In my next article I will be sharing some more ideas explaining what to do if you still find yourself repeating your instructions over and over.

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Comments

  • My son has more trouble listening to his teachers than to his father and I, but this is advice I wish I’d been given a lot earlier.

    Reply

  • My children dont listen to me at all when there dad isnt here. Its getting frustrating i need help cos im going insane

    • Hi Shazadi, I’m so sorry to hear that. Please let me know if you would like some help.
      Warm Regards,
      Meg

    Reply

  • Yes my kids have very good selective hearing/listening

    Reply

  • Thank you so much for your article. I need a kick in the pants and some sound advice to stop me yelling at the kids, ive been sick of asking them to do things 100 times and the chat back lately. All makes sense. Just have to put it into practice.

    Reply

  • An interesting and informative article

    Reply

  • I don’t think any children listen to their parents

    • Hi, yes I think that is certainly true. I think it would actually be a huge worry if a child did not ever demonstrate they had a mind of their own. I still think it helps to know what to do in those times though, so we can allow them to develop as individuals but minimise the chaos!
      Warm Regards,
      Meg
      Meg

    Reply

  • I will get stuck on the tell them only once, as my house seems to be filled with forgetful people and dont remember half of what is said to them.

    Reply

  • 3. I have ALWAYS firmly believed in the point about giving a positive, rather than negative, instruction. It works. I have dozens of examples of when and where, but just trust me

    Reply

  • I have a bucket. I stuck googly eyes on it and I talk to it. At least it listens.

    Reply

  • Great advice, might give this a try and also pass onto hubby to do the same thing. What I would love to know is about consequences! For not listening, for not doing what they have been told/asked to do etc. I find one of my twin 4yo gets asked to get dressed, half an hour later he has not done a single thing or may have just picked out his clothes, I’ve taken to telling him we are leaving right now I open the front door then he starts crying and then he gets dressed so we can leave. Where do I go from telling him one time only and if he doesn’t do what he’s been told to do.. Then what!? This whole parenting thing is hard, I miss my babies they were so easy to look after! Lol

    • Hi Sarah, What you are describing is a very common problem. Please let me know if you would like some help. I do house calls for parents in Brisbane, parents can come to me or I can coach on Skype if preferred.
      Warm Regards,
      Meg

    Reply

  • Soooooo going to try to remember this! My 7 year old does not listen, and I am guilty of repeating myself, well no more!!! Thanks for the tips!

    Reply

  • Thanks heaps needed this article so bad at moment pulling hair out so bad they r driving me crazy must be the weather

    Reply

  • thank you for the article, my daughter doesnt want to hear me anymore

    Reply

  • Good information thank you for the read

    Reply

  • I get sick of the sound of my own voice, so I’m sure they’re just blocking me out. Will give it try. Thanks.

    Reply

  • Great advice I will have to try it out. My kids drive me crazy sometimes.

    • My son too, sometimes won’t listen to me.

    Reply

  • These are great tips I feel like my kids never listen to me all the time I’m going to try ur tops out am see how I go.

    Reply

  • Children may block out your voice if you raise it or repeat repeat repeat. Using a lower toned voice, clear simple instructions with 2 choices usually got results for me. They soon worked out they would miss out id they chose not to respond.

    Reply

  • I find this happens with most children, so I tend to not listen when they want to do something special

    Reply

  • Simple, clearly and once, I really like the sound of that and am going to try that with my 3 daughters!

    Reply
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