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A young mum of triplets says she’s been left hurt and confused after her fiancé and his family called her ‘neglectful’ for taking time away from her crying babies.

The 20-year-old mum of eight-week-old triplets says since having the triplets life has been stressful.

“I never expected ever in my life that I’d be a mother to triplets so when I first became pregnant it was definitely the last thing in my mind,” she explained on reddit. “I’m home with my babies all day long and had to even transfer my education to online.”

She said she finds it most difficult when the tiny trio is unsettled, and tries to take herself away from the situation to catch her breath.

“Sometimes I just need some fresh air especially when I can’t get them to stop crying and I find myself getting super frustrated to the point of tears, it’s honestly soo hard and the dad isn’t here to help as he’s ether at work or at school.

“My 24-year-old fiancé’s parents rented us a main floor apartment so when I step outside I’m literally just sitting on the chair right beside the door plus I have a baby monitor step up in their room and it has a camera on it I can literally see them and hear them so if anything happened I’d be able to quickly get to them.

“Being able to step outside for a few minutes to take a breather is really important to me because I start to have mini panic attacks when I can’t get them to stop crying and I get really frustrated because I just feel super overwhelmed. Being able to go outside just gives me a chance to clam down.”

But when her fiancé discovered her moments of solitude, all hell broke loose.

“My fiancé came home to me sitting outside while the babies were crying and freaked out on me calling me a horrible mum and a bunch of other names that I’m not gonna list here.

“He thinks that I was being super neglectful and putting the babies in harm way and even told his parents and now everyone seem to be really against me.”

“I grew up in the system my fiancé’s family is the only family I have and ever known, so it breaks my heart that they are so upset with me but I really don’t think I was doing anything wrong or putting my babies in harm way but they seems to think otherwise.

“So here I am wondering if I should apologise for my actions or if I am the a-hole in this situation?”

Let us know what you think in the comments below.

  • No way, no apology needed. You’re taking time out of a stressful situation that’s not harming anyone. Good luck for the future with your 3 in 1 birth

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  • I think she is doing the right thing. You need some space as even 1 child can be overwhelming let alone 3 of the same age. He clearly hasn’t done a day on his own with all three. It would be super challenging.

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  • Oh the poor girl. 20 years old and the mother of triples, I was stressed out with just one baby at that age. What about the grandparents! can’t they step in and help her out sometimes. My mother-in-law was a godsend when my kids were little, always there to help and she had a full time job and 2 teenage boys to look after. They need to stop criticising and start helping out.

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  • Being a fulltime mum to one baby was hard let alone 3. People are so quick to complain until they have experienced it themselves. Maybe they should look after the triplets for a while and see if they need a couple of minutes to re group

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  • Perhaps your fiancé needs to spend a full day by himself with the triplets so he can fully appreciate how hard it can be. If his parents are so upset too, then they should step in and help you out! There is nothing wrong with stepping away for a few minutes to give yourself a break.

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  • I think you’re doing an amazing job! Caring for 3 babies on your own is absolutely incredible and no way, you are not being neglectful at all. You cant care for anyone if you don’t look after yourself. If you need 10 minutes TAKE it.. x

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  • You were NOT neglecting your babies! They were still near and you could see them via a monitor. You were doing what you are supposed to do to calm yourself when you are at breaking point.

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  • Would he prefer you to be so strung out and hurt your babies! He and his family need to get a grip! Having babies, especially 3 is not easy at all! Parenting is hard. Why don’t you try leaving him at home with all 3 babies for a whole day and no help from anyone else and see how he fared for the day! I mean a Full day, not just a few hours. He and his family may then wake up to themselves!
    You’re doing a great job!

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  • She’s doing an amazing job. The babies won’t get hurt by crying a little so mum can regain her sanity for a few minutes- they will benefit from it! The father maybe needs to look at himself and see if he should be doing more to help the mother.

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  • Three babies and online schooling! What an amazing woman. You totally deserve a few moments to breathe. If the partner or his family do not help out then she should absolutely look into getting some help elsewhere. Every mum needs to look after herself or her family suffers.

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  • I think it’s fine to step outside for a moment to catch a breath when you have a monitor with a camera with you; not neglect at all in my opinion


    • I think the fiance is the one who should apologize here

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  • I absolutely agree she need that time to breathe. It is what most medical professional suggest too to allow yourself to clear your head. As long as your babies are safe and are in no way of danger, that 5 minutes is a life saver!

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  • You are doing well!! For a first time mum with triplets, AND NO HELP from the dad and his parents, you’re indeed a supermum. Yes, I agree with some comments, have time out and get them to care for the babies while you take 5 and have coffe. You need it. If you don’t look after yourself, you’ll fall in a heap.
    Yes, seek help from the Maternal and Chikd Health Nurse. Take the dad or his mother to attend the clinic with you. The Nurse will certainly give all if you some pointers. Good luck.

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  • You are doing great to look after triplets. But if babies are not settling then may be their need is different to look into. In my opinion you could consult with maternal nurse. You are first time mum so may be just require little education to look after the kids but also take help from your fiance or his family. Remember You are not alone. All the best mum. You can handle it.

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  • Triplets at 20 sounds incredibly hard, this is coming from me having twins at 22 which was hard enough. Certain states offer help for mums of multiples eg. A volunteer comes weekly to help out with the babies and cleaning. Definitely worth looking into for the poor young mumma.

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  • I will never forget when a family member told me before I had my daughter, that if you need to take a minute to regroup when your child is screaming and you’ve lost all patience, step out. No child has ever died from crying for an extra couple of minutes. If your mental health is shot to shit, you’re no good to anyone. Yes, you need to look after the children, but you also need to look after yourself. This family should be offering her help! The fiancé needs a reality check

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  • Have half a day away from the triplets and let your fiancé or his parents look after the babies. They will see what you have to put up with and might not be so cruel or as quick to say you are not looking after them. If you are stressed the babies pick up on that so instead of doing them harm you are choosing to calm down and destress a little, which is a very sensible thing to do. You are so young and trying to manage with no help at all, you need a medal and not a put down or be subject to criticism. Show all these comments to your fiancé and he might realise you are only trying to make sure you don’t harm the babies and are doing the best that you can, in the situation you are in. Good Luck

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  • Triplets and all by yourself at 20 ! Gosh, you need help and support, not criticism.

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  • Sounds like instead of criticism they should be there helping it’s hard being a first time mum with one let alone three you sound to be doing great.

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  • I had one child who was so overwhelming when he was a baby. I feel if I had stepped outside for a breath of air things might ha e been better for my mental health! Whilst I don’t have multiples I have a glimpse into what it must be like for you. When that baby was a baby both of my next door neighbours had babies also so I was constantly hearing babies cry, and it was loud enough for me to think it was my own baby. I ended up with extreme anxiety. I currently have a young baby and a special needs toddler, the toddler’s delay put her at the same developmental stage as the baby. They both tend to need things at the same time, such as feeding and nappy changes etc. It was seriously overwhelming and I know I wouldn’t have coped without my husband taking time off work to help out.
    So no. You didn’t do anything wrong and you most definitely should NOT apologise! Everyone ELSE owes you and apology! It’s so easy to judge from the outside but I can garentee not one of them put their hand up to help you out!
    Your babies were safe, you could view them. At 8 weeks old they aren’t exactly mobile so therefore can be left in their beds without any worry.
    Next time your finance has time off go out! Just say you need to run some errands and leave him home with the babies. He will undoubtedly have his family there to help up long before you are back. The he can understand just what parenting is!
    Good luck to you, I hope he wakes up and takes a look at himself, especially in regards to running to his parents when he deemed you weren’t doing the “right” thing.

    Reply

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