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There’s no doubt that the dynamics of friendships change once babies come along, but for these best friends it’s caused a huge falling out.

A 29-year-old mum-of-one says her dwindling friendship group has left her with only her best friend, and now that relationship is on the rocks.

“Just over two years ago I unexpectedly got pregnant and now have a beautiful 18-month-old daughter, Ciara,” she explained on reddit.

“Over that time my friends circle got considerably smaller but my best friend remained, Mia. Mia doesn’t have kids nor wants kids but she’s been brilliant with Ciara.”

“I’m a SAHM and obviously don’t have as much time to hang out as I did previously. Mia and I live on the same street and it’s a walking distance between our houses. I’ve told Mia numerous times that she can just pop in whenever she wants to (she works from home) but she rarely does.”

The mum says when her daughter was still a baby, Mia would often come over, but it’s slowly become less and less frequent.

“Instead, she keeps suggesting we go out for coffee or pizza or even a drink but I don’t have the time and always just tell her to come over and we’ll have coffee at my place. She asked if I wanted to go out with her and her other friends for a drink last weekend but I said that no but she’s welcome to come over and we’ll have a few drinks at mine. She said she already had plans and it felt weird to drink when she knows there’s a child around.

“Honestly, I feel neglected. I feel like she put me on a back burner and doesn’t want to be friends anymore. I’m always available but she rarely comes over and I don’t think that’s fair.”

The catalyst came when photos of a night out with friends went up on social media, leaving the mum ‘fuming’

“She ditched me just so she could go and drink like she’s 20 again. I felt rejected and horrible, I thought we were best friends but she clearly doesn’t value me when she won’t even have a few drinks with me at my house. When she finished work, she called and asked if I fancied going for coffee to town but I asked her to come over again. She said yes but before she disconnected, I heard her mumble ‘like always.’ This really annoyed me.

“When she came over, I decided to be open about everything. And while not my proudest or most mature moment, I shouted at her that she’s an awful friend, that she barely comes over and if she doesn’t want to spend time with me to just say it and stop playing around.”

“She said she’s always been accommodating but it’s been two years and she doesn’t want to spend time with me when there’s always a kid, especially now when she has to watch her language (Mia likes to swear).

“I said that she knew I had a child and responsibilities. And she said that Tom (my partner) could take care of Ciara once in a while so I could have a time off. This felt really intrusive and I told her to mind her own business and not meddle on my marriage.

“I was really angry with her and kicked her out. She called me a selfish a**hole on her way out. Normally, I would expect her to call by now with apologies but she hasn’t done so and I’m starting to wonder was I the a**hole or was she? Perhaps I was too harsh and should’ve been more careful with discussing it.”

Let us know what you think in the comments below.

  • I used to have an amazing friendship group since highschool and felt so loved, now 3 kids later I have one friend.

    Reply

  • Both sides of view are valid. Understandable that you don’t have a lot of time to go out but maybe your friend is sick of always going to your house instead of going to grab a coffee or a bite at a café… She probably feels as though she’s come to your house plenty of times when you’ve asked but you never seem to go where she wants when she asks you.

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  • This is a difficult situation. I don’t know the answer but it could be that Tom takes care of the baby once in a while and Mia comes over once in a while?

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  • I get it, and I often suggest to people that they can come over when I have bubs at home with me, or we can walk to a local coffee shop, but kind of have to keep walking to a park or something so bubs can run around, he wont sit still in a cafe for very long. hubby is good about taking bubs for different days so i can get time for myself, and daycare has been the best thing for our whole family. This lady needs to get out of the house, she is still a friend, and not everyone wants to hang with kids in the house, youre entitled to an afternoon out.

    Reply

  • I see both points of view. As we progress in life we as people change and this is so evident when we become parents. Those who are meant to be in our lives will be and those who outgrow each other unfortunately tend to move on.

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  • People outgrow people. As a parent especially. It seems you have outgrown your friend as their priority seems to be drinking alcohol. I can relate. My old best friend moved back locally this year and at first we were having kids play days at the park or pool, slowly it became come out for a drink, then come to the pub, to the bowling club (while she has her daughter) then she started bringing alcohol to the park while we had the kids. Now i’m not saying that having a few drinks while you have your child makes you a bad parent, but getting drunk while you have a child in your care is a serious issue because you are an unconscious being not fully aware of the decisions you are making, or able to process/care about consequences. It sounds like your friend has a drinking problem, which is so common. Especially in Australia it’s like Australian culture to be a functioning alcoholic. She was what I considered my best friend for about 20 years and now because she will not grow up or prioritise family/self-development over alcohol I’m actually no longer interested in hanging out with her, I care about her a lot, but I have outgrown her and hanging out with her will hold me back in life. I’ve got better things to do than drink! Think about what’s really best for you and your child. Consider meeting new people that now have more in common with you. You could try local playgroups etc. Personally, as an ex-addict and alcoholic, I have finally found my community at a local church. I feel so accepted there, and it’s awesome to be around people who don’t just want to hang out and get drunk. We connect over things such as art, painting, music, food, coffee and so much more. It’s an amazing environment to grow in. I hope you can find the support, community, and friendship you are looking for.

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