'My Husband Disowned His First Child, But He's Still A Great Dad'

We all have a past, and for some of us, it continues to follow us throughout our lives, as one dad has discovered.

A mum-of-one has revealed that while she is well aware of her husband’s past and she’s moved on, their friends won’t let him forget it.

As the woman explains, when her husband was in his early 20s he fathered a child with the girl he was casually dating in university.

“He didn’t want to be a dad and told her as much, but she was adamant about keeping the baby,” the woman explained on reddit. “He was supportive through the pregnancy but was clear he didn’t want to be involved. He wanted to renounce his rights, but ended up with an agreement where he still pays child support but doesn’t do visitation nor has involvement in any parental decisions. The girl is now 12. He hasn’t met her nor plans to ever do.

“I met him eight years ago, we’ve been married for almost seven. He told me about the whole having a bio child out there very early on. I was (am) fine with it, it is sad that a child came to the world under those circumstances, but I don’t think he was wrong for choosing not to be involved.”

The couple has since gone on to have a son, who is now five-years-old. The woman says she fell in love with her husband because he was wonderful to her, and he still is. He was involved during the pregnancy and birth, and is a doting dad to their son. She says she thinks he’s a ‘wonderful dad and husband’.

‘You had a kid with a deadbeat’

However, the man still shares several mutual friends with the mother of his daughter. And that’s where the trouble started.

“Two of his friends married their college girlfriends, whom were/are friends with his bio daughter’s mother. In now three occasions in conversations where I said my husband is a wonderful father, one of them said something snarky and mean like, ‘Yeah, to only one of his children’.

“Over the weekend we attended to one of them kids’ birthday party. I was chatting to another mum about motherhood and said that it’s easier when you have a good team player in your spouse. The home owner mum chimed in to say, loudly, ‘If only the mother of his other child had the same!’ Later I confronted her in the kitchen. Said I was very tired of her and (other friend) comments about my husband, that she didn’t need to invite us to things or spend time with us if she didn’t want to, but it was super disrespectful to be constantly insulting him as a father.

“She told me she initially liked me but finds it distasteful and rude that I keep praising my husband as a good father when I’m well aware that he isn’t, that she will always make sure to correct me because it’s not ok that he got away with what he did and he now gets to play happy family with me and our son.

“The conversation went south from then on and of course we left. The other mum friend texted me yesterday to tell me she completely backs up what the other said and that I’m horrible for marrying and having a kid with a deadbeat and on top of it to praise him as a good dad.

“I have no doubts of my feelings, my husband has been and is great with our son and with me. I guess I never thought how my words could be insensitive towards his bio daughter and her mother (whom I’ve never met), but am I the asshole for occasionally saying my husband is a good father when talking to people? Should I stop?”

What are your thoughts on the situation? Let us know in the comments below.

41 Comments

- - ~Loui~ said
  - 25 Apr 2022
    12:33 pm
This is a very one sided view from the new wife. Just because you say you don’t want to be involved doesn’t make it right. The poor 12 year old.

- - snazzy007 said
  - 28 Feb 2022
    9:37 pm
This is a very difficult situation and very personal.

- - Zmijka86 said
  - 27 Feb 2022
    8:41 pm
Not sure if we know whole story here .maybe he is good father now but I don’t think he did right thing before.

- - mumma said
  - 16 Feb 2022
    4:26 pm
These ladies don’t sound like friends. So I wouldn’t bother continuing the friendship.
The wife has every right to feel proud of her husband and his relationship with his son.

- - mom385887 said
  - 07 Feb 2022
    11:50 pm
I dont think this woman is the asshole, I do however think she is a bit naive for thinking that friends of his ex would have the same opinion as her.
There is also be much more to this story because if the ex was happy with the situation, there wouldnt be hostility towards the father from her friends, which makes me think she talks negatively about him and the situation.

- - Jessica said
  - 07 Feb 2022
    9:02 pm
Great that he’s a good dad to her child, but he still disowned his first child. Imagine being the first child and finding out your dad didn’t want you. Honestly as an adult he slept with someone causing her to become pregnant. That’s on him. If she decided to keep the baby he’s still responsible for having conceived the baby in the first place and if he didn’t want a child he should have been more careful.

- - mom160270 said
  - 07 Feb 2022
    3:19 pm
If his wife thinks he’s a great dad, that’s good, but personally I could not start or maintain a relationship with someone who has totally cut his biological child out of his life. I’m glad he is financially helping to support his daughter, but she should have some kind of a relationship with her biological father.

- - Lividanke said
  - 07 Feb 2022
    1:44 pm
These women do not sound nice and wouldn’t be the sort of people that I’d call friends.

- - rovermum said
  - 07 Feb 2022
    11:19 am
Perhaps the mistake is in mixing with past friends. This is obviously going to come up all the time and she can’t be free to say what she thinks for fear of upsetting people. Not a good situation.

- - Ellen said
  - 07 Feb 2022
    4:37 am
It’s sad this mum has to deal with the past mistakes of her husband, she can’t be held accountable for that.

- - SAS185 said
  - 06 Feb 2022
    5:08 pm
Definitely time to get some new friends if they’re going to be starting crap like that.
- Ellen replied
  
  09 Feb 2022 , 5:03 am
  Yes, time to move on and find new friends and maybe even literally move; a new area, a new beginning
- - tessie said
  - 06 Feb 2022
    1:41 pm
I would not call them those women friends if they are going to continuously attack her for saying he is a wonderful husband. Yes it is heart-breaking that he has nothing to do with his daughter but he is paying child support and not fighting for custody or visitation rights. They were young when it happened and it was her decision to keep her baby and for that I praise her. If there is a problem then she should be saying something, not those other women. Hopefully they will be out of this Mum’s life from now on. We all do something stupid in our lives that we’re not proud of and we shouldn’t have to suffer for it now. It’s time to look forward

- - Mom466555 said
  - 06 Feb 2022
    6:30 am
I wouldn’t call those people friends by any means

- - mom265671 said
  - 05 Feb 2022
    10:55 pm
She shouldn’t have to cop his past, she’s posting about her situation now and i think that should be fair for her to do

- - Meex_spali said
  - 05 Feb 2022
    9:45 pm
I feel sorry for everyone except the POS dad. Sorry but he is a POS.

You might be a good dad to your 2nd child but you will always be a POS dad because of what you have done. Your son will grow up and realise this too. Hopefully he learns FROM YOUR MISTAKES and does not make them himself.

Also people shouldn’t be so hard on mum number 2. Its not her fault or her responsibility to make his husband make ammends with his wrong doings…however. i reckon it plays on her mind a fair bit.

- - jrobin260 said
  - 05 Feb 2022
    9:35 pm
I’m sorry to say that if he has done it once, he will do it again! It’s a bit sad they are attacking the new mum for the husband’s previous behaviour. I feel like she is going to end up in a similar situation in the future.

- - RonnieDe said
  - 05 Feb 2022
    9:28 pm
It is sad that he has nothing to do with his first child, but that is his decision. I don’t agree with “it is sad that a child came to the world under those circumstances’ – that is a negative. But in saying that, those women, I wouldn’t call them friends, you would be better off without them.

- - mom457867 said
  - 05 Feb 2022
    9:24 pm
That poor child, he’s better off. My sister is going through a similar thing. Her husband hasn’t really “disowned” his children but is the definition of a “dead beat”. Doesn’t pay child support, cruises in and out like he pleases, and puts more of an effort into his nieces and nephews than his own children. Now she’s in debt living with me. This guy’s a dbag.

- - mumof3 said
  - 05 Feb 2022
    7:03 pm
Firstly they are not friends and I would definitely be cutting them out of my life. Secondly it’s a tough situation. Imagine how that poor kid would feel knowing that her father wanted nothing to do with her, that’s heartbreaking.

- - romvar said
  - 05 Feb 2022
    11:53 am
This is a very difficult and sad situation. The husband made it clear he didn’t want to be a dad but has done the right thing by paying child support. I think it’s time to cut contact with the mutual friends.