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Article “My son is engaged to my step-daughter, they don’t see each other as siblings”

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It sounds like something that deserves to be on a Jerry Springer show, but it’s actually a reality for a couple who met when they were teens. One dad worries that his son is engaged to his step-daughter, and it’s causing problems in their family.

“My son and step daughter recently revealed to me and my wife that they have been dating secretly all this time and that they’re engaged and that they plan on getting married and starting a family. They also said that they did not tell us sooner because they were afraid of how I would react.”

His 27-year-old son, and 26-year-old step daughter, met back when they were 16 and 15. He shared, “To be honest, something like this happening was a concern for me because they were both teenagers and wouldn’t see each other as siblings but they got along well so I forgot about it.”

The two hit it off and started secretly dating, “They said they started dating a few months after they met and have continued till now.”

“I also know that both of they went colleges in 2 cities very far from each other so they somehow still kept the relationship alive. When they were in college they would only meet whenever they came back for the holidays and I remember that they both were more happy to see each other than us, all of this explains it. They would also go out together “shopping” or “just to see the city” alone. They were other instances which made a lot more sense now. They both live in a different city, my wife and I thought they lived separately but they actually have been living together for 2 years now,” he continued.

While it was a little hard to comprehend at first, the father feels that he should support them, understanding why they kept it a secret, “I am happy for them as long as they are happy. My wife on the other hand was a different story, she went completely ballistic. She started screaming that it’s disgusting and that they’re siblings and this is incest. My step daughter started crying and my son just took her by the hand and left our home.”

While he is accepting of his son’s relationship, his wife is demanding that he break them up and make them date other people, “My wife wants me to somehow convince them to break up and date other people. All I said was ‘They met when they were 16 and 15. They don’t see each other as siblings. If we oppose this, they will hate us forever and I’m sure that they would rather stop talking to us forever than breakup.'”

He is refusing to break them up, knowing the consequence will probably be the couple disowning their parents, “Even I am a little uncomfortable by this but I understand and there really isn’t much I can do. I love my son and step daughter and I know they would disown us if we opposed this.”

Sadly, this has caused problems in the relationship between him and his wife, “My wife is angry now and hasn’t really talked to me ever since this happened.”

Do you think he should step in? Or support their relationship?

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Comments

  • Whilst I completely understand the mother’s initial reaction, she needs to get over it and love her children and support them. It’s a long term relationship, it’s obviously the real deal so she should be happy for them. I’ve always told my children they can tell me anything and that I may fly off the handle at first but I promise I will discuss it properly and openly after the outburst.

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  • The ‘mother’ is being completely ridiculous. Whilst she might feel uncomfortable about the situation is is SHE and her second husband/partner who introduced their respective kids to living in a shared residence during their teens. It was THEIR decision that saw two teens living under the same roof…the introduced the opportunity and possibility of a relationship in their own home between their children. ‘Mum’ needs to grow up and accept that it’s her decisions about her life that created a climate where two young people could meet and build a relationship. Outside that issue, it is NOT INCEST. They are not genetically related, any romantic relationship they have is healthy and normal. It’s the mother who has issues, not the ‘kids’.

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  • Would the Mother of the bride have reservations about dating the Father of the groom? Because that’s the same as what these kids are doing. There are no blood relatives involved, so let them be.

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  • They are not related by blood and haven’t been brought up as ‘brother and sister’. I can understand the husband and wife being a little concerned. but probably mainly because of how others would react …. there is nothing illegal and/or immoral about their relationship …..

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  • They are related by marriage only and the ages when that happened it is not surprising they started a relationship. There is nothing wrong with it.

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  • In all honesty they’re not related and they didn’t know each other until they were teens and the usual age for dating. There’s nothing wrong with it, they didn’t even grow up as siblings.

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  • They’re not related. If their parents split up they wouldn’t be step siblings anymore. Plus they were almost adults when they met. Nothing wrong with it, just it sounds weird but morally nothing wrong with it.

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  • They aren’t brother and sister, obviously they have never seen each other that way so they should be supported. They have no blood relation at all.

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  • As long as they are not blood related there shouldn’t be a problem. It’s no different if they met before you and your wife met.

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  • It’s definitely weird but they aren’t related and they have been together for a very long time and obviously they are happy, leave them be

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  • Do hope it all works out – The children aren’t blood siblings, so no reason for them not to marry. Think the husband should work harder with his own relationship if he wants to stay married – he might point out that the mother might be very lonely if she continues as she will lose both the children and her husband.

    • Yes, this is definitely something that can impact the relationship between the parents on which they should give attention to.

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  • I don’t see any problem as they are not related by blood. They were teenagers when their parents married. They are not half siblings but step sibling by marriage. Let love prevail. Good luck to them.

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  • Look it’s an unusual situation but I wouldn’t have an issue with it if it were my child as they aren’t blood related.

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  • Can’t see the problem. They are not blood relatives. Good on them for finding love.

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  • Don’t see a problem because they’re not blood but I can see how it can be upsetting, especially if they were introducing each other as brother and sister to others who don’t know the true background!

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  • There is nothing wrong with this. They are not blood relatives and after ten years they have gone through a lot. It will be the parents who will miss out on so much if they can’t come to terms with it and accept that these two people care a great deal about each other. I wish them the best of luck.

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  • This sounds like it’s “wrong” but actually isn’t. They have no blood relationship, they were near adulthood when they met, and look how they’ve managed to keep the relationship together to date. I’d support them. Although I might feel weird at first.

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  • 10 years of secretly dating seems an awfully long time??

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  • They aren’t blood related so I don’t see the problem. They are in love and so their parents should just butt out and let them be.

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  • Can’t fight love

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