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Have you ever noticed that often when a mother is being recognised for her remarkable accomplishments she isn’t necessarily seen as a human being, as an individual?

Somehow her marital status is usually brought into the spotlight – but a majority of the time that only happens if she’s single.

“Single mum of two loses 30kgs”, “Single mum of twins meal preps for a month”, “Single mum wins the lottery”…

When did we stop seeing these strong women as independent individuals and start branding them by their relationship status?

I mean we hardly ever see the same lead up as part of the title when it comes to partnered mothers.

Against All Odds!

Is it purely to signify what these ladies have been through? That in the face of adversity, they somehow managed to succeed despite everything they had working against them?

Are mothers who are partnered better off? Do they face less obstacles? Do they have more support?

In an ideal world, I would have to agree and say that yes, mothers who have a partner are most definitely in a far better position in life….Or at least that is what we are often lead to believe or to hope for.

Bad Relationships

What about the mothers who are in awful relationships?

The ones who face emotional, financial or physical abuse?

Mothers who can’t excel or find their passion because they’re simply struggling to keep their heads above water – but we don’t see that.

No, all we see is a partnered mum who must be doing well because she has a spouse.

It’s Not Always Married Bliss

Perhaps he works, and they supposedly have a great income, maybe he spends time at home and people assume it’s ‘family time’.

What if he does work, but he uses all his money on gambling, alcohol or drugs? What if he does spend time at home, but during that time his partner is petrified of what could set him off next?

Of course, we can look at broken circumstances and think ‘well she should just leave’. Sadly however, statistically, most women don’t.

So which is harder then?

Being a single mum, or a partnered one?

We have all read the rants on social media relating to slack partners who refuse to help out in any way- this goes for current as well as ex-spouses.

Single mothers often do have to do absolutely everything on their own. Physically, emotionally and even financially sometimes. And that kind of hard must be intense!

Some partnered mothers do have to bear a majority of the workload as well. Perhaps their spouse just doesn’t help out around the house or with the kids or spend time at home. That sort of hard would also be quite challenging.

Which Is Harder?

Personally I can’t even imagine what is worse or which is harder because honestly I wish these scenarios didn’t exist!

I wish everyone just had fairytale relationships. But I know it’s an unrealistic dream.

I look at what I have, and I am beyond grateful every single day. I see what my friends experience on both ends of the scale and I feel deeply for them.

Single mum vs. partnered mum. Which is actually harder?

I actually don’t believe you can compare the pair- other than to say that no matter what, all mothers fiercely love their little ones. Regardless of their partner’s presence or lack thereof.

We would all move heaven and Earth for our young. Nothing changes that.

Don’t Judge!

One thing is for certain though, saying that one group has it easier than the other isn’t fair at all, because until we have walked in their shoes we have absolutely no idea what they face on a daily basis.

We as individuals each have our own unique set of strengths and weaknesses which assist us depending on the environment we’re in.

I believe the role as mother is challenging enough as it is without any added pressure. Without those posts on social media telling one group how lucky and how much better off they are not to have a “man child” to look after.

Offensive!

Last night I saw the most awful rant on social media telling single mother’s how much easier they have it- and even though I’m not in that situation, I found it incredibly offensive.

Since when is that up to anyone to decide for someone else anyway?

It’s In Your Attitude

The main thing is that we are happy within ourselves, so that we can radiate that to the ones we love, regardless of our marital status or external uncertainties.

How easy or hard life is could quite possibly be heavily dependent on our own personal outlook on life. And maybe the reason why some mothers succeed in the face of adversity all comes down to their unbreakable attitude towards it all.

So whether you are facing this parenting gig on your own, or as a couple – I really hope that you know you’ve got this!

Who do you think has it harder – a single mum or a partnered mum? Tell us in the comments below.

  • I feel both have such different situations which raises such different challenges and struggles. I don’t feel any one is easier or harder than the other, just different circumstances – and both can be hard…..

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  • I don’t think it really matters if you are partnered or not. All Mums are equal and they all have pressures it’s just that not all are the same.

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  • It’s not a competition.
    We all have it hard at times.
    Some single mums can have the best support people in their lives such as grandparents/aunts/uncles etc and some have no one. And it’s the same as the married mums. Some have amazing partners who support and help in every way and some are left at home to do it on their own while the partner does what they want. At the end of the day we are all doing the best we can 🙂

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  • You can not compare the pair, nobody knows what goes on behind closed doors. Take into account so many different factors and it’s different for everyone.

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  • Neither is harder, just different struggles. Make the best of the situation you have.

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  • My husband recently spent 2 nights in hospital with pneumonia and it was all I could do to keep the kids alive.

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  • I think it depends on the mum and the circumstances surrounding her situation. I was a single mum after my first husband died and enjoyed having lots of time with my son, then my new marriage slowly became a nightmare and I felt I couldn’t leave with 4 children under 7 – but there were some good bits and I dwelt on those with my children. After divorce and having a new wonderful man in my life my children have told me how much they admired me during their young lives and how they learned to have a great work ethic from me and we are all so much closer now and care for each other. My message is don’t worry about the small picture – lead by example and there is no one way better than the other.

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  • I have been both, I found parenting far easier as a single mother and had more time for me as the kids went to their father’s and I had some me time

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  • Everyone has a different situation. You might be a single mum but have a great support network. You might be partnered but your partner doesn’t help or works away but then are you doing it add a soothe or still classed as a partnered. I hope if you are struggling you know who to go to to get help.

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  • Oooh well that’s a tricky one to answer but I think most will agree that everyone is in a different situation and circumstances vary…

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  • I can’t do it without my husband.

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  • I saw red when I read this title, and am so glad to have read the rest of the article.

    Everyone’s situation is relative and no matter the circumstance parenthood is hard, beyond doubt, it pushes you to your limits and then you have those breathtaking moments that take it all away.

    Hang in there mumma’s, no matter your situation you are all doing a fabulous job, and to tomorrow is a new day.

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  • I’ve always been bothered by titles. Everybody’s situation is different. One child in a married couple relationship might be much harder to manage than 4 kids by a single parents! It should never been a competition. I’ve been asked by friends with 4 kids how I manage my boy (with another child on top), he isn’t special needs etc he is just full on and has been seen as the equivalent of more than one child. My husband is very hands on. Makes no difference!


    • I do not like titles/labels either. Titles/labels do not define people.

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  • I’m a “solo mum”. You don’t hear about us much. We are the mums who have a loving husband who works away the majority of the time. Yes I have that financial security but I don’t have that day to day help and support, I get the kids up in the morning alone, I entertain them, raise them, take them to appointments, feed them, clothe them and tuck them into bed alone. I get up over and over through the night alone. I do it all like a single mum would. I’m physically and emotionally drained each day but forget any sympathy because I have a husband.


    • Me too, solo mum most days with 4 kids. I get them up and dressed, fed, off to school, or homeschooling as it is at the moment, work, do cooking, cleaning, appointments all on my own while hubby works 6 days a week. Leaves before the kids are up and gets home often just after the kids have had dinner or after they are in bed! I have no family help they all live more then 5 hours drive away and it’s been like this for 11 years. It’s hard but we make it work the best we can 🙂

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  • Every situation is so different there is no absolute answer. As so many have said, both have their pros and cons but I think single mums do have it slightly harder because you are the only adult in the house (assuming they live on their own) and psychologically it helps to have another adult to interact with.

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  • Both have challenges and stresses, we are all just doing our best.

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  • Both do an amazing job, it shouldn’t be compared

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  • Both have their difficulties and can’t be compared. Both Mums do a great job!

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  • It’s not enough information. Some people have extended family who help and some don’t. Some people have the resources to hire help and some don’t. Some people have physical limitations and some don’t. Some people have medical issues or their children do and some don’t. It’s not a this or that we all need to look out for each other and help where we can regardless of relationship status.

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  • There’s pros and cons to all scenarios – I agree attitude plays a part. But I don’t think it’s a fair comparison!!

    Reply

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