Diversity of Grief and Loss - Real Mum story on MoM

9 Comments

I know when people think about grief and loss we all experience it differently and different things will set it off. Now before I share with you why I am grieving I would like to state that I very much appreciate and love the two beautiful children that I have been blessed with.
– I am grieving because my husband has made the decision that he doesn’t want to have any more children. He has two boys to a previous relationship and I have one from a previous relationship and we have a daughter together.
– I am not ready to give up my chances of having more children but I have to respect my husband’s wishes. I also know that there are probably more cons than pros for having another child.
– unfortunately there are many factors that influence my thoughts around this matter and some are to personal to share here. I am just feeling a huge sense of loss and short of leaving my husband and seeking a new relationship just to have a baby it isn’t going to be happening together and I am not going to do that.
– please ask me questions if you wish to understand my specific circumstances and I already know that some people will think that I should be happy I have been blessed with children, I am.

Posted anonymously, 21st June 2016

9 Comments

- - BellaB said
  - 26 Jun 2016
    3:16 pm
I think this is a very real issue for lots of people. For me, if a number of things had been different, I would have loved to have more children, but I have become comfortable with our decision not to. Wait twelve months; one of you may feel differently then.
- Lori-Anne replied
  
  26 Jun 2016 , 6:47 pm
  Thankyou. I think so too. We need time to rebuild and just love one another.
- - mom56312 said
  - 24 Jun 2016
    9:22 pm
While i do understand where he is coming from as a female i understand you more,! Have you had that conversation i just want one more kids to feel our family of two from yours, one from mine, and two from ours would complete me as a mum, I dont feel your family is complete till you feel that way. My hubby and i had a conversation before we had kids we wanted four kids! we have a angel and three lovely kids…. It took me a few years to decide the three we have is enough. truefully our marriage could not of handled another bubs.. Three in our household were enough.. Mainly due to two of the kids we have having medical issue.. Other than that i am sure we would of tried again before i turned 40 but i am over that now so that dream has closed…
- Lori-Anne replied
  
  24 Jun 2016 , 11:35 pm
  We had a conversation early in our relationship but obviously had not made our desires completely clear to each other. We have agreed at this point in time to let it settle and I am trying to allow myself to grieve but not let it rule my life. I don’t want it to rob me of enjoying my relationship with my daughter and a pretty darn good husband. There are certainly things that we as a couple & as a family need to work on before the possibility of another child is considered.
  Thankyou for sharing your circumstances. I am glad you are a complete family with the children you have. ♡
- - mom90758 said
  - 22 Jun 2016
    6:03 pm
It must be very difficult on you. This is a choice that you make as a couple and if your husband doesn’t want, it’s quite tricky. How old are you? Could it be that maybe in a couple of years your husband will change his mind if he sees how important this is for you? Don’t take rush decisions.
- Lori-Anne replied
  
  22 Jun 2016 , 9:52 pm
  I am 33 and he is 45. He has a nearly 14 year old, an 11 and half year old and I have a 9 and a half year old. Our daughter is 11 weeks old.
  I can understand his concerns and I certainly wouldn’t look to bring another child into our lives straight away. It is tough but with the right support we will work through it.
  - mom90758 replied
    
    23 Jun 2016 , 5:31 pm
    
    Oh! Hi! I didn’t know it was you posting! I think that having such a small girl in your home makes also more “visible” how tiring can be having a small child at home. Wait till your girl is a little older and then try to talk about it again.
  - Lori-Anne replied
    
    23 Jun 2016 , 7:22 pm
    
    Thankyou. And you are right. It is nice to have someone try to understand our situation.
  - mom90758 replied
    
    24 Jun 2016 , 5:26 pm
    
    I wish you all the best. And hope that time will help you!!