Honey, let that man go.

It has been a while. How are you doing now ?

Sorry you’re in this difficult situation.
Good that you’re in counseling.
A time-out from your relationship at this points sounds appropriate.
When he keeps coming back to you and expresses willingness to talk things out you could suggest to do this together in counseling and work some of the mechanisms between eachother out in counseling sessions.

I am really sorry you are so emotionally hurt and confused and love can really be complex especially with blended marriages. I have three brothers and all are in their second marriages. It is great you are seeing a counsellor and hope this person has expertise in dealing with relationships and perhaps in your case mental abuse as well. This maybe the reason why you need to tell this to the counsellor about the “mental ” side of your feelings and to get this out of your chest so that all your emotions are validated. If it has been 20 years , then ask yourself has it been a healthy 20 . If it is NO then that is why you are so much in turmoil because there was no healthy emotions involved in the first place . Add the fact that you have to deal with other children , it is justifiable that you have subconsciously taken on added responsibilities plus dealing with your own child. Bring all this out to the counsellor and also pop in to see a doctor if you feel that you are depressed and anxious everyday . All relationships need a bit of a break and it seems like you are just exhausted . Hope you seek the support you need soon . God Bless

He keeps leaving.

I have never loved anyone the way I love this man we fought all odds and lost family and friends to be together, we fought for over 20 yrs to leave it be and couldn’t so finally we got together and had our beautiful baby boy. My problem is he and I both have children from our marriages to other people and no matter what hes children come first before everybody else even our baby, he left me while pregnant because I was to sick to deal with his kids and when I say left left for 3 wks got back together and the kids fought so he left again and again and again and again, had our baby he left again and again and again, while im sure he can not handle seeing me upset and angry is the reason he walks away. Ive taken him back so many time but this time it has been nearlt a month and he keeps blaming me for being anrgy and hating him and I keep saying I wonder why, I don’t hate him I love him so much but I feel that im being mental abused here, I do miss him at times and love him dearly but I keep thinking I cant keep taking him back because he will just do it again and yes im very angry and upset, this time I drove to his work with his clothes a threw them at him and told him to get the f out my life. He keeos texting me and wants to talk but im so hurt and so angry and un tears nearly everyday. he hasn’t seen our child for 3 wks and our baby is not even 2 and keeps asking for dadda. Im seeing a councillor and every time I talk about him im in tears. How do I get over the man I was always in love with how do I go forwards in my life when im so broken. Do I take him back again so he has the chance to hurt me more and blame me for being angry. He will never be out my life I realise this and he will never not want to see his son is it my angry that keeps making him walk out?

he keeps leaving

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So glad you are taking a stand and starting to feel a little better. The moms have given great advice as usual and I agree 100%. Look after yourself and place yourself high on that pedestal. LoVe, StReNgTh and best wishes to you and the children.

Thank you ladies for all your support, ive had a pretty good day today was a bit upset this morning but I went to my doctor and he asked me to organise another appointment so I can go on a mental heath plan to deal with my emotions. My partner or should I say ex was texting me again today and had me all worked up that I thought the only way I can stop him effecting my days is to block him on my mobile which I have done and I have no intentions of unblocking him! Feeling strong and stable and healthy, I love this man so much but starting to realise I cant go back time to look after me and my boys. Thanks again for the strength to stand up for myself! xx

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  • • Kelly replied
    • 16 Aug 2014 , 11:22 pm

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  Well done for blocking him on your mobile that’s the first step to taking back your life and not have him ruleing it

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  • • 
    • • hopefullyheidi replied
      • 16 Aug 2014 , 11:24 pm

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    Good on you! You seem to have a positive strong stance and view and you are making such positive steps. You are worth much more than the love he thinks you deserve. This is such good news

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    • • arcticwynta replied
      • 17 Aug 2014 , 10:33 pm

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    well done for finding the strength with in you to do what was right for you and the kids and for also blocking him on the phone. You will find your self to get stronger bit by bit as well as see yourself grown and get more confidence. again good on you and stay strong

I am glad you are seeing councillor and may be he should BUT you can not keep living like this and it is not good for any of the kids. I would be calling it quits and just deal with your life one day at a time as this is a form of abuse. You can certainly love someone with all your heart but never live under the same roof with them as a family. I think it is time you need to really think about you and the kids

Kelly has put it into the words I was trying to find. Someone can’t just get up and walk out “just because they feel like it.” To be honest I find his behaviour rather childish and selfish to rob his child of his presence. It’s also not fair on you. I also agree with another mums suggestion if just getting up and playing with bub and doing the shopping etc and just proving to yourself and him that you can do without him. I know it’s easier said than done, as emotions and old habits are complex things. Unfortunately you probably know that there will be a honeymoon period if you get back together and then it’s back on an emotional roller coaster. It’s now up to you to find the strength to get off that roller coaster if you really want to for yourself and your child or if not front up to him and make him attend counselling or mediation. These people are experienced in this sort of thing and may be able to help a little further. Best of luck – it’s not easy xxx

I agree with the other MoMs here. You child is your priority. I’d say he’ s using your love by taking advantage of it & then abusing it. I’m glad you are seeking professional help so you can break the ties & move on

Time to focus your energy on you and your child. Prioritise….and the rest needs to work around that, including your child’s father.
Regardless of the type of abuse, it is not healthy. And if your relationship has been exposed to it, it will return, regardless of how hard he tries – old habits die hard!
Moving forward is tough, but spend your energy on positive things, even if that is getting out of bed, playing with your child, going to work, getting the groceries. They all prove you can survive without him. Stay strong and remember….small steps!

If this was happening to me I think I would have to say enough is enough it’s not doing either of you and the kids any good what’s so ever.
He has to understand that he can’t just get up and walk out at the first sign of trouble the whole point of having a partner is so you can share your stresses and problems and talk about them not just get up and walk away “because you feel like it”
I really hope you can sort this all out because it will start affecting the children soon and that won’t be fair to any of you.
Good luck will keep my fingers crossed you make the right decision for you and your children xx

I’m glad you’re seeing a counsellor, because this sounds way to complex for me to want to comment on. I think perhaps it would be good if you could convince him to see a counsellor too.