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By handsome boy is 4 months old and as I sit here watching his sleeping face I reflect on how differnt my life was just over 12 months ago. After 5 years of trying to conceive, numerous tests and saving every cent we had, we were finally ready to start IVF. I was depressed and feeling like a failure for not being able to fall pregnant but excited to be offered the chance to find a way to get my much wanted bub. After two months of a hormonal roller coaster ride, medications, injections, tests, scans, blood tests, regularly travelling 8 hrs return trip to the clinic and hoping, wishing, praying…we were ready for our egg collection. Six little eggs, not as many as we hoped, but maybe we only needed one right?! 4 eggs fertilised. By day 2, 3 were left. By day 4, 2 had survived. By the day 5, the day of the transfer, only one little fertilised egg remained, one little chance of my deepest wish coming true. It was magical to see the tiny burst of light on the ultrasound screen as the egg was transferred. My husband dubbed the tiny embryo ‘Flash’. The 2 week wait to see if Flash had implanted was torturous. I didn’t want to get my hopes up, the chance seemed so slim. I knew it would be a long time before we could try again because we didn’t have any leftover to freeze and a full cycle is so much more expensive. I cried when my pregnancy test came back negative. Heart wrenching sobs for that tiny egg that had held so much potential. But when I looked again…was that a tiny faint line? Or was I imagining it? I showed friends, some said yes, some said no. I phoned the clinic. Try again in a few days they suggested. 2 days later that second line was just a touch darker. But it was there. I cried, but this time they were tears of joy. That tiny lonely egg has changed my life forever. I wish other would-be mums all the best in their difficult journeys. I hope my story gives others hope.

Posted anonymously, 20th May 2015

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